Shambolicious

Tonight’s blog is written with a somewhat heavy heart. My heart is heavy for a couple of reasons. For one it’s in my body, so it has to be heavy. But seriously, the reasons I am a bit downcast after tonight’s chapter of Survivor Samoa are twofold. The first is fairly obvious; it’s the last Thursday episode of what has been an outstanding season. The other reason is that tonight we bid adieu to the magnificently mulleted one, Shambo Waters. And she left in true Shambo fashion.

Although the ex-marine from Washington had started to annoy me in the past few weeks, I will dearly miss her. Tonight I was reminded why she had become so iconic.

The first moment was when the show opened with emerging superstar Brett rubbing that glorious mane of hers in the glow of the Samoan moon. That was a very subtle hint that tonight was going to be all about Shambo and her splendid ‘do.

When Emmy award-winner Jeff Probst asked her at the Reward Challenge what she called her hairstyle, she playfully tossed those stunning tresses, smiled and said, “Shambolicious.”

We then learned she had been sporting mullet-zilla since 1986!

It was at that point that I was fully aware that this Harley-riding woman from the bad streets of Renton, Washington was going to be a focal point in this next to last episode of the nineteenth season.

Random Shambo Highlights:

• Referring to Natalie as “You lucky little bitch” in the Reward Challenge.

• At the Reward feast, while ripping the skin off of a roasted pig, she mutters, “Right there baby. My favorite part.”

• After toasting the people of Samoa at the feast, she gets jiggy with it, much to the delight of the locals, as well as Hall of Famer Russell and Jaison.

• Later she declares, “That being a grown-up is just so overrated.”

• At Tribal Council, she gleefully admits, in front of a jury made up of her former Galu tribe mates, that she is proud of the fact that she is a traitor.

Unfortunately, it was at that same Tribal Council when Probst uttered that fateful phrase, “the tribe has spoken” to tonight’s star. When she realized that her time had come, she hugged Brett, had her torch extinguished and graciously wished everyone good luck.

What a classy move by the mulleted one.

But she wasn’t through. During the closing credits, smiling straight at the camera she commended the Fao Fao Four for being loyal to each other and voting her off! She said they were “awesome”.

On Sunday night the sole Survivor will be announced and will be awarded one million dollars. And I am pulling for Hall of Famer Russell to be that person. But tonight belonged to Sharon “Shambo” Waters and that Shambolicious mullet. Well done Shambo.

Until next time…from the booth.

My Americanization Of Britain

In 1964 the film “The Americanization of Emily” was released. “Emily” starred James Garner and Julie Andrews. Set in London, in 1944, the film is based on a novel by William Bradford Huie, a former naval officer and aide to an Admiral during World War II. In 2005 I joined Pogo, a gaming website that offers a variety of casual games, ranging from card and board games to puzzle, sports, and word games. While playing, you are able to “chat” with people from all over the world. That is where I met a lovely lady from the U.K. named Bev.

That is when I first embarked upon my Americanization of Britain.

And it hasn’t been a small undertaking. Not by any stretch of the imagination. This ambitious endeavor not only includes the Americanization of Bev. Nope, it has branched to the rest of her family and a couple of friends.

No big deal you say? Well, Bev’s family is nothing to sneeze at. Her parents, Alfie and Elsie, obviously had a favorite hobby. The results of their hobby were Sue, Margaret, Hazel, Christine, Carol, Beryl, Donald, Barry, Keith, David and Debbie. In that order.

Where is Bev you ask? Bev’s given name is Beryl, sibling number six of eleven. She might be the middle child, but she compensates for it with an abundance of nicknames. She is also Doris. And Bell. And B. And Coops. You get the picture.

Over the years Bev and I have become dear friends. I have gotten to know a lot of her family and have no less than ten of them as facebook “friends.”

The language barrier was the first bridge to cross. In England, football is soccer and soccer is also soccer. In America, football is football and soccer is soccer. We still struggle with that one.

Then there are chips and crisps. Okay, pay attention. The British call French fries, chips. They call potato chips, crisps. I am having more success Americanizing Bev’s family in this regard.

This was made obvious one night when Bev’s daughter Louise asked her if she could speak to me on Skype. Bev said sure. Louise sat down in front of the computer, said hi and told me that she had just been to McDonald’s. I asked her what she had.

Her reply made me grin.

With a big smile the young Brit said she had a burger and a milk shake. She then paused, and proudly added, “And French Fries!”

My hard work was beginning to pay off.

Other inroads in my effort to Americanize include providing Bev’s husband, an electrician, with an American-style nickname of his very own. He is now commonly referred to as “Sparky”.

Bev’s enchanting eldest sister Sue has become a regular reader of this very blog, leaving comments on a consistent basis. She is a big fan of my tales of Koos, especially when they involve the legendary Arno.

I have also introduced the Brits to my favorite sport teams, the Green Bay Packers and the Milwaukee Brewers. Bev loves it when I email videos to her of Brewer home runs at Miller Park, so she can see Bernie Brewer descend down his slide.

Bev’s charming sister Debbie is another member of her family that I have become good friends with. Here my attempts at Americanization are aimed mostly at Debbie and husband Scott’s rambunctious son, Jake.

Jake loves sports. On weekends he plays football (soccer) one day and rugby on the other. If that wasn’t enough, he takes swimming classes on both days. Oh ya, during the week he takes Judo lessons after school. With this daunting schedule, it’s amazing that Debbie has any time for games on Pogo.

Now back to the Americanization of young Jake. This past Saturday, Bev had a family get-together at her house. The function served two purposes. Not only was it a Christmas party but it also celebrated Jake’s eighth birthday. He was born on Christmas Eve, so in her infinite wisdom, Bev decided to combine both of the events at one time.

Bev had graciously extended an invitation to me, but unfortunately my schedule prevented me from attending the festive bash. Not wanting to be rude, I did however mail a present to the guest of honor.

If the pictures below are any indication, it looks as if he enjoyed the gift that I had sent to him. Quite American, don’t you think? It goes without saying that Jake is clearly the coolest kid in England.

A British Packer Backer

Prince Has a Fan "Across the Pond"

My efforts to Americanize Britain aren’t finished, not by a long shot. I think my next venture will be to have them consolidate all the different things for which they use the word “piss”. Don’t even ask. Until next time…from the booth.

Tis The Season…Again!

The holiday season is here once again with Christmas just around the corner. Last year at this time I wrote about the onslaught of holiday programming that hits our televisions during this time. Tonight, the classic “It's A Wonderful Life” is airing on NBC and beginning on Christmas Eve, TBS will run its annual 24-hour marathon of “A Christmas Story”. All the other Yuletide movies are there for your viewing pleasure as well. My personal favorite is the underrated “We’re No Angels” starring Humphrey Bogart, Aldo Ray and Peter Ustinov.

That’s just the movies; there are still the TV programs to be considered.

Being more of a television-guy than a movie-guy, I have seen my share of Christmas-themed episodes on the tube. TV Land has a marathon starting tomorrow at 5:00 am. It kicks off with Roseanne and concludes at midnight with 3rd Rock.

Sandwiched in between are multiple installments of Three’s Company, The Brady Bunch, Good Times, Sanford And Son, All In The Family, Married With Children and The Beverley Hillbillies. There is even a 2-hour chunk of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition for you Ty Pennington fans.

Over nineteen hours of holiday sitcom programs that aren’t really among my favorites. I preferred it when shows like The Bob Newhart Show, Cheers, Becker and The Dick Van Dyke Show went all merry and mirthful. You could even give me Frank Costanza celebrating Festivus with the gang on Seinfeld.

The TV Land marathon would be much improved if they mixed in some of these programs. Sanford And Son? Come on.

My biggest disappointment with the marathon’s lineup is the fact that it does not include the Andy Griffith episode entitled "The Christmas Story". Mayberry’s version of Ebenezer Scrooge will surely warm the cockles of your heart. I know each time I watch it my cockles get toasty.

Here is a quick synopsis:

On Christmas Eve, ornery department store owner Ben Weaver insists that Andy lock up moonshiner Sam Muggins. Weaver has brought along a jug of moonshine as evidence of Sam's wrongdoing.

In order to keep Weaver off his back and still have the party they had planned, Andy arrests Sam's wife and children as "accessories before, during, and after the fact", and deputizes Ellie, Opie, and Aunt Bee to help watch the prisoners.

With the Muggins family in jail, Andy, Barney and their deputies prepare a feast with all the trimmings for the family and decorate a Christmas tree. Everyone is having a good time except Ben.

Peeping through the jailhouse window, Weaver is touched when he sees everyone having a good time. Touched with the Christmas spirit, the crotchety store owner tries to get himself arrested in order to join the fun.

After several failed attempts, Andy finally arrests Weaver, after he dumps a garbage can in the alley. Together, the men appear at the door of the jail with a suitcase full of gaily-wrapped gifts from Weaver's store. Weaver is welcomed and regaled with food and drink. He falls asleep in one of the jail cells after finishing the jug of Sam's moonshine.

TV Land will be airing this all-time favorite of mine, but not until Christmas Eve at 7:30 pm and on Christmas Day at 10:00 am. Maybe there is something to be said for anticipation making the reward even greater.

During this festive season, I hope that you all have the opportunity to view your favorite holiday programming. Whether it’s a movie or a TV sitcom, take a break from all the shopping, wrapping and partying and do yourself a favor and make time to enjoy it.

Happy holidays! And don’t forget to catch Andy Griffith’s version of “The Christmas Story” and see Barney Fife dressed as Santa Claus. Until next time…ho, ho, ho from the booth.

And Then There Were Six

Tonight’s episode of Survivor Samoa marked the next to last Thursday night of season 19 of the award-winning CBS reality show. All that remains is next Thursday’s program and the finale show on Sunday December 20th. Oh yes, and immediately following the finale, the reunion show where we learn which of the remaining six takes home $1,000,000 by having outwitted, outplayed and outlasted the others.

That’s right, only six of the original twenty have endured this odyssey that started back on September 17th.

To get the magic number down to six there were two Immunity Challenges this evening with each one followed by a Tribal Council, thereby extinguishing the torches of two more hopefuls.

I had mixed feelings about the people sent home tonight. I was glad that the petulant Monica got her walking papers. Although she is easy on the eyes, she makes me vomit in my mouth each time she speaks. Good riddance.

On the other hand, I was starting to dig Dave Ball. Am I the only one that noticed that Jeff Probst always called him Dave Ball? He never called any of the others by both names. Wonder what that was about? Hmm…

So that leaves us with only two left from Galu - Brett and Shambo. Added to the four contenders from Foa Foa - Jaison, Natalie, McDreamy and Hall of Famer Russell, and you have the final six.

My pre-blog phone call to Fellow Survivor Geek Auntie Janet proved to be very enlightening. If I liked someone, she couldn’t stand him or her. And conversely, the competitors that she was pulling for were the ones I didn’t care for. I guess that’s the beauty of Survivor.

With that being said, I would like to offer my evaluation of the final Samoan six. I have placed them in the order that I would like to see them finish. Sorry FSG Auntie Janet.

1. Hall of Famer Russell. With the HUGE target on his back, it will be tough for him to win it all. The man is outstanding. Say what you will about him, he has made this season a memorable one.

2. Natalie. This young lady has played a marvelous game and has proven to be a fierce competitor in some of the challenges. Her spot at number two was solidified when they showed her hanging her lacy gold panties out to dry on the tree branch.

3. Jaison. He has been coming on strong as of late. Plus, as an added bonus, the longer he sticks around, the longer I get to type his misspelled name. His name greatly pisses off Non-Survivor Geek Pat.

4. McDreamy. He too has become more of a force in the challenges. It will be interesting to see how he and Jaison handle the Hall of Famer as the game progresses in its final days.

5. Brett. This evening, the non-descript one finally started talking and by doing so, has become a major player that must be reckoned with. By winning the second Immunity Challenge tonight he made everyone take notice.

6. Shambo. Sorry FSG Jamie, but the magnificently mulletted one has started to annoy me immensely. I know that you are pulling for this ex-marine, Harley riding broad, but the woman is delusional! She has to go.

There you have it, my take on the final six. I would be very interested to hear your opinion as well. I already know how FSG Auntie Janet feels.

I would like to leave you with the quote of the evening. Before becoming the thirteenth person asked to leave Samoa, Dave Ball was lamenting the fact that it would take a miracle for him not to be voted off. But he then reasoned that miracles do indeed happen, “Because the Lord frickin’ provides.” Nice.

Until next time…from the booth.

Good-bye My Old Friend

On Friday December 4, the television series Monk, which premiered on July 12, 2002, came to an end after eight entertaining seasons. With a tear in my eye, I said good-bye to my old friend, Adrian Monk as the final montage was shown. Evidently, I was not alone in wishing Mr. Monk a fond farewell. The series finale drew a record 9.44 million viewers. Prior to Friday night’s finale, Monk had never drawn more than 7 million total viewers. The wrap beat the previous high-water mark by 37 percent.

Nielsen live-plus-same-day ratings data shows the series finale of Monk now stands as the most-watched episode of an original cable series, edging past TNT’s The Closer, which drew 9.21 million viewers.

For those of you not familiar with Monk, here is a brief history.

Adrian Monk was a brilliant detective for the San Francisco Police Department until his wife, Trudy, was killed by a car bomb in a parking garage. Monk believed the bomb was intended for him.

Trudy's death led Monk to suffer a nervous breakdown. He was discharged from the force and became a recluse, refusing to leave his house. He was finally able to leave home with the help of his nurse, Sharona Fleming. This allowed him to work as a private detective and a consultant for the SF PD despite his phobias embedded in his obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD), which had grown appreciably worse after the tragedy.

Typically, Captain Leland Stottlemeyer and Lieutenant Randy Disher would call on Monk when they had trouble with a murder investigation. Monk's obsessive attention to detail allowed him to detect the most minute discrepancies, discover tendencies, and make connections that others would fail to make.

Other regulars were Natalie Teeger who was hired as Monk's new assistant, when Sharona decided to re-marry her ex-husband and move back to New Jersey. Teeger, a widow, was the mother of daughter Julie. Monk had a brother Ambrose, and a half-brother, Jack, Jr.

It should be noted that, in my humble opinion, the show lost something when the feisty Sharona moved on after season three. Much to my delight, she did appear in an episode in this last season.

Adrian Monk also went through two psychiatrists during the run of the show. Dr. Charles Kroger counseled the detective the first six seasons before giving way to Dr. Neven Bell during the final two.

The one case that Monk never had been able to solve was the death of his wife. Throughout the series, he continued to search for information about her death. Finally, he solved it in the series finale.

With this case closed, the series came to a close.

I was happy to see the obsessive-compulsive detective finally find closure with the tragic death of his beloved Trudy. It made me even happier to see him have joy in his life again when he was reunited with Molly, his 26-year-old stepdaughter, a newspaper movie critic.

Good-bye my old friend, I am going to miss you. Until next time…from the booth.

Sickness Will Surely Take The Mind…

Back in 1968 when Pete Townshend and The Who wrote the rock opera Tommy, I doubt that they had ever imagined a television show called Survivor. And I guarantee they never envisioned a mullet-coiffed, 45-year-old ex-marine named Shambo. But somehow, some way, when they penned the song “Amazing Journey”, it was for Shannon “Shambo” Waters from Renton, Washington. You don’t believe me? Check out these lyrics:

Sickness will surely take the mind

Where minds can't usually go.

Come on the amazing journey

And learn all you should know.

Okay, granted she hasn’t learned a whole lot to date, but that mind is definitely going places that minds don’t usually go. And she has been on one hell of an amazing journey!

Perhaps Shambo got by the first 27 days being the loveable loser with the magnificent mullet. She was the proverbial square peg in a round hole. However, after tonight’s episode of Survivor Samoa, the girl is just certifiably crazy.

Either that, or she is tripping.

Yes, that must be it; she’s tripping on some sort of mind-altering, surreal trip just on the outskirts of reality. That would explain her constant irrational behavior. Or the incessant deer-in-the-headlights look she possesses.

And I know just what induced this bizarre journey she has embarked upon.

It was the $240 plate of Sea Noodles and Slug Guts that she won at the Survivor Food Auction held at the beginning of the show. Obviously, when you ingest this concoction, when topped with an ample sprinkling of parmesan cheese, your mind goes “where minds can’t usually go”.

This has to be the explanation for her unorthodox behavior and her inability to deal with reality. It has to be! No one else ate this putrid combination. The others fared much better at the auction.

The scrumptious Natalie had a $200 peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Monica enjoyed a $340 roasted chicken and McDreamy noshed on a huge cheeseburger and fries that cost him $500. Even John’s $300 slice of apple pie was a much better reward.

Yes, Shambo’s entrée has to be the culprit. What else could have caused the clairvoyant dream where God told her that Dave must be the next to go at Tribal Council? That dream sequence even blew my mind.

It had to be the Sea Noodles and Slug Guts Parmesan.

Although she did say she had that type of dream 30 times previously. And there is that humongous mullet. And she talked to those stupid chickens before she ate that mind-expanding meal.

Whether it was a psychedelic meal or just being nutty as a fruitcake, Shambo made Jeff Probst shake his head and question her sanity at Tribal Council. After seeing Shambo do a double take when Russell, the Hall of Famer said that today was “completely strategic”, Probst’s eyes bugged out and asked incredulously, “How is it possible that you are shocked to learn that people are scrambling to stay in the game?”

Shambo mumbled something about wanting someone who deserved the million dollars to win. The rest of the sane people at Tribal Council just shook their heads in disbelief. She had no clue.

This was made even more evident when her face twisted in astonishment when John was the one voted out. Jury member Laura summed it up when she whispered, “She has no idea what happened.” She was spot on. Shambo was the only person, besides John himself, not to cast their vote for John.

The girl just doesn’t get it. But The Who certainly did. Sickness will surely take the mind where minds can't usually go. Until next time…from the booth.