Donald Trump – You’re Fired!

After the first season of the pitiful Celebrity Apprentice mercifully concluded last year, I promised myself that was it. No more of this pathetic excuse of a reality show. Celebrity Apprentice’s sole purpose is to provide a venue for Donald Trump to stroke his massive ego in front of a collection of various washed-up stars, ex-athletes, has-beens from other reality shows and a smattering of sex kittens. But alas, I broke my vow.

It’s possible that this eclectic line-up that Trump had assembled somehow piqued my interest:

Andrew "Dice" Clay (comedian)
Clint Black (Country singer)
Annie Duke (poker champ)
Tom Green (comedian)
Natalie Gulbis (golf pro)
Scott Hamilton (skater)
Jesse James ("Monster Garage" host)
Claudia Jordan (“Deal or No Deal" model)
Khloe Kardashian (reality show star)
Brian McKnight (R&B singer)
Joan Rivers (you know who she is)
Melissa Rivers (Joan's daughter)
Brande Roderick (Playboy Playmate)
Dennis Rodman (former basketball player)
Herschel Walker (former football player)
Tionne Watkins (aka T-Boz of TLC)

Look at that roster of talent! This troop of personalities has all the makings of must-see reality TV. Doesn’t it? I had to give the Donald one more chance, right?

Consider the possibilities. “Dice” will constantly be spewing off color jokes, Green will be acting strange and Rodman will remind us what a bizarre freak he truly is. Then you toss in the lovely trio of Gulbis, Jordan and Roderick for eye candy. Not bad, eh?

James and Kardashian can provide the trailer-court trashiness necessary in all reality shows. For legitimacy we have Hamilton, Black, McKnight and Walker. And the icing on the cake is the potential of Joan River’s face exploding right before your very eyes. This has can’t miss written all over it!

Boy was I duped! I watched this train wreck for two hours last night. 120 minutes of my life that I will never get back. Why oh why hadn’t I kept my promise to myself?

“Dice” was obnoxious and dimwitted. Rodman just mumbled a lot. At one point I thought I had accidentally switched to VH1 and was watching Surreal Life. But I quickly realized that Surreal Life was much more entertaining.

No, the second season of Celebrity Apprentice was anything but entertaining. The Rivers girls were just shrill and annoying. The other ladies were bickering over how to frost a cupcake while the men were baking cupcakes that, by their own admission, tasted like “ass”.

The Donald jogged my memory of what an arrogant, pompous egomaniac he is when he announced in the boardroom that HE was the biggest star, not Dennis Rodman.

I should have known better when I read a couple weeks ago that on 17 February 2009 Trump Entertainment Resorts filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. Perhaps Mr. Trump’s rose has finally begun to lose its bloom. The first episode of Celebrity Apprentice gave every indication that this is a definite likelihood.

Next week I promise that I will not be watching Celebrity Apprentice. Okay, I might DVR it just in case Joan River’s face finally explodes. You know it’s eventually going to happen. Until next time…from the booth.