So Many Stars

Tonight’s Survivor: Redemption Island wasn’t quite as entertaining as the premier was last week. But I do feel it was still more intriguing than your typical second episode, where you are typically still searching for personalities and characters. That wasn’t the case tonight. Originally I was going to title this blog, “A Star Is Born” and concentrate on Special Agent Phillip. But that wouldn’t have been fair to established stars like Russell and Boston Rob. Nor would it do justice to emerging stars Kristina, Matt and Farmer Ralph. Yes, I said Farmer Ralph.

It goes without saying that Russell “the Hall-of-Famer” Hantz and Boston Rob Mariano were going to shine in this 22nd season of Survivor. That was very evident tonight. Both the focal points in their respective tribes, albeit for different reasons.

Russell has a humongous target on his back and can’t fart without being called a liar, cheater and a bastard. I am really beginning to think that a good portion of his Zapatera tribe doesn’t trust him. Except for Stephanie and Krista, that is. Mmm, Stephanie…

Over in the Ometepe camp, Rob has found himself surrounded with a good number of “sheeple”. You know, people that act like sheep, blindly following their master, listening to his every command. Unfortunately, “sheeple” usually forget about being led to slaughter. Well, maybe not Matt. I think he figured it out after being voted out at Tribal Council.

Oops, I guess I already revealed who was sent to Redemption Island.

Sorry, it was the Holy Roller, Matt. Although he was a likeable, Christian boy, he made the mistake of screwing with master Rob. He never should of shook hands with the Zapatera tribe after losing to them in the Immunity Challenge, because this greatly upset the master.

Bad Matt. He should have never agitated Rob like that. But I have to admit that the look on Andrea from Wisconsin’s face was priceless when the blindside took place.

Don’t worry; Matt will be around a little bit longer. He shouldn’t have much trouble defeating Francesca when they duel next week at Redemption Island.

It’s hard to pin down why I think Kristina has the potential to become a star. Perhaps it’s because she’s the only one from Ometepe with big enough cojones to go after Boston Rob.

Wait, she played her Hidden Immunity Idol tonight at Tribal Council. Forget about Kristina, she’s toast. She messed with the master.

Another budding superstar is Farmer Ralph. This guy should get bonus points for competing in the heat of Nicaragua wearing a thick, wool sweater. Holy Hypertrichosis!!! Between having an inordinate amount of body hair and a propensity for saying “Dag Gum”, he has all the ingredients necessary to become a major character. Plus he and Russell can’t seem to get along.

Finally there is Special Agent Phillip. Five minutes into the show he broke into tears while explaining his passion for his country. I think Patty 4-Names said it best with her facebook status. She wrote, “HA! Phillip the Federal Agent on Survivor is John Boehner's long lost twin!”

Let’s see, what else did Special Agent Phillip do this evening? Well, he attempted to spear crabs in his pink briefs while grunting like a primeval warrior. Boston Rob and his “sheeple” got a big kick out of this.

At Tribal Council he explained the meaning behind his elephant and lion tattoos. It wasn’t as good as Coach’s classic pygmy tale, but it was pretty damn good. Oh ya, he must have gotten over his dry mouth, because he pronounced Francesca properly.

Speaking of Francesca, we will have to wait until next week to see her battle it out with Matt for the right to remain on Redemption Island. The loser will be the first Survivor officially eliminated. I can’t wait; the stars will be definitely be out! Until next time…from the booth.