My Fearless Forecast

With Major League Baseball set to start in earnest next week (in America), I thought that I would try my hand at predicting where each of the 30 teams will finish. Please keep in mind that this is for entertainment purposes only…

First the American League:

East
1. New York Yankees
2. Tampa Bay Rays*
3. Toronto Blue Jays
4. Boston Red Sox
5. Baltimore Orioles

Eastern Philosophies – It pains me to pick the Yanks to come out on top, but I have no choice. They should dominate with a lineup that includes Derek Jeter, Curtis Granderson, Robinson Cano, A-Rod and Mark Teixeira, a talented rotation and number 42 closing.

I have the Rays and the Jays finishing second and third based on Boston’s well-publicized internal problems that were exposed last year. Throw in their weak starting pitching and Bobby Valentine and you have a fourth place finish. The Orioles just suck. A lot.

Central
1. Detroit Tigers
2. Chicago White Sox
3. Kansas City Royals
4. Cleveland Indians
5. Minnesota Twins

Central Intelligence – It doesn’t pain me to choose the Tigers to finish first for one reason - the addition of Prince Fielder. This team won 95 games last year without Prince Fielder. I know they won’t have Victor Martinez all year, but did I mention that they have added Prince Fielder?

The White Sox, Royals and Indians are interchangeable. If Adam Dunn, Alex Rios and Gordon Beckham return to form, it’s the Pale Hose. The young players for the Royals need to continue to improve; otherwise it’s the Tribe finishing second. And that’s if Grady Sizemore can stay healthy.

Because Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau cannot stay healthy, the Twins will finish on the bottom looking up. Way up.

West
1. Texas Rangers
2. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim*
3. Oakland Athletics
4. Seattle Mariners

The Wild, Wild West – It should be a real shootout between the Rangers and the Angels with the boys from Texas edging the Halos by a couple of games. I know L.A. has added Albert Pujols, but Torii Hunter, Vernon Wells and Bobby Abreu are a combined 104 years old. I think the Ranger’s lineup just has too much firepower for the Angels.

The other half of the West, the A’s and the Mariners, have already opened their seasons, splitting a two game series in Japan. Either team will be fortunate to be at .500 when the smoke clears in October.

Now for the National League…

East
1. Philadelphia Phillies
2. Atlanta Braves*
3. Washington Nationals*
4. Miami Marlins
5. New York Mets

The Far East – Last year the Phils, Braves, Nats and Marlin all finished above .500. This season should be no different. That being said, each team has question marks.

The Phillies have added Jonathan Papelbon, but need Chase Utley and Ryan Howard to prove they can bounce back from injuries. The Braves need Jason Heyward to hit like he did in ’10 and Brandon Beachy has to live up to huge expectations.

The Nats have so much young talent it’s scary. It’s all scary to think what happens if Stephen Strasberg, Gio Gonzalez, Jordan Zimmerman, Michael Morse and Bryce Harper struggle.

The Marlins biggest question is if it’s temperamental Manager Ozzie Guillen can handle the personalities of divas like Hanley Ramirez and Jose Reyes. There are no questions with the Mets – they don’t have what it takes to keep up with the rest of the division.

Central
1. Milwaukee Brewers
2. Cincinnati Reds
3. Pittsburgh Pirates
4. St. Louis Cardinals
5. Chicago Cubs
6. Houston Astros

Central Time Zone: Call me a homer if you like, but I’m picking the Brewers to win this division. Let me tell you why. Although they have lost Prince Fielder, they have improved the left side of their infield with Alex Gonzalez and Aramis Ramirez. Man, I can’t believe I just said something good about Ramirez. Plus, they have the best pitching staff from top to bottom.

The Reds should give the Crew all they can handle, but they have already lost their newly acquired closer, Ryan Madson to Tommy John surgery. Dusty Baker, as is his practice, will surely tax the rest of the staff to the point of exhaustion. The only thing that scares me is it’s a free agent year for Joey Votto. Yikes!

The only reason I picked the Pirates to finish third is the Cardinals have lost too much - Albert Pujols, Tony “Satan” LaRussa and Dave Duncan. Besides, the Pirates can’t finish under .500 again. Can they?

It is way too early for miracle worker Theo Epstein’s mystical powers to magically convert the pitiful Cub team into a contender. Unfortunately, once his plan does take hold, the team from the north side of Chicago could be a force to be reckoned with for a long time.

The Astros are just plain horrible. They are probably the worst team in all of baseball. Good luck putting asses in the seats after the All Star break.

West
1. San Francisco Giants
2. Arizona Diamondbacks
3. Los Angeles Dodgers
4. Colorado Rockies
5. San Diego Padres

The Left Coast – The Giants have a pitching staff that takes a backseat to no one. Hopefully the return of Buster Posey and the additions of Melky Cabrera and Angel Pagan provide enough offense to make my prediction look good.

I don’t see the Diamondbacks having consecutive seasons where they shock the baseball world. Likewise I don’t see Clayton Kershaw and Matt Kemp repeating their stellar ’11 performances for the Dodgers.

As far as the Rockies and the Padres go – who cares? Okay, the Rockies have Carlos Gonzalez and Troy Tulowitzki, but not much else. Oh ya, they picked up Michael Cuddyer. All the Padres have are those nifty camouflage uniforms they wear on Sundays. And Carlos Quentin. Enough said?

* - Wild Card team

That’s how I see things shaking out. Somebody remind me in October to make my Playoff prognostications. And once again, remember that these predictions are for entertainment purposes only. This means you, Patty 4-Names!

Until next time…from the booth.

Survivor 24.7

Here’s the Official Survivor: One World Recap Trilogy for week seven:

 Mary Beth’s 2Cents: I have a complaint. Actually, I have many complaints. I'm getting fed up with this season of Survivor and I never, not in a million years, thought that I would ever say that. I know that casting a show can be difficult but, seriously, they were scraping the bottom of the barrel when they came up with this bunch.

I cannot stand seeing Tarzan hulking around with his man-boobs flapping and his junk perilously close to falling out of his nasty, disgusting bikini underwear. The man has more hair then a grizzly too. And I really didn't need the repeated discussion of how that was not poop on his undies but only dirt. I threw up a little. I really did.

I also cannot stand how easily people can find the Immunity Idol! I mean, c'mon! Let's see… Troyzan wakes up earlier than the rest so he goes for a walk. Walks about 20 feet, looks up and VOILA! He finds the damn Idol. Really? They need to fire whoever was in charge of hiding those things because they really suck at the job.

I am also over the fact that each week one, some or all of them are going to win some kind of huge meal. I mean, for crying out loud, next season why not just take both tribes to Red Lobster and let them have an eating contest.

These people voted off Jonas tonight, who was providing them with food. But you know what? They didn't need him because CBS has been filling their bellies weekly! His few fish cannot compete with pizza, beer or whatever else they're bound to get.

Lastly, I'm tired of waiting for one of these chuckleheads to start strategizing. I mean really strategizing, not just saying the word strategizing over and over again like they know what it means. This group is no brain trust, I tell ya.

It's maddening that no one knows how to play this game and, more than that, I am getting a bit bored with the whole thing. Again, I've watched every single season of this show and I never thought I would say that.

Will this get better? I can only hope. I love this show and I hate to feel this way about it. I want it to be exciting and full of real twists and turns, not silly contrivances. And I want to see people make bold moves that matter, not have an entire tribe of coat tail holders who now have no one to attach themselves to.

There. I feel better now having gotten that off my chest. I think I'm going to go watch old reruns of Russell Hantz and long for the good ol', bad ol’ days!

  
Jamie’s Prognosis: The Trouble with Tarzan
 
This week as I sat down to watch Survivor: One World, I said to myself… this week I am going to try to find a player or two that I can root for! Damn it there must be someone out there that I can start to feel “Coachlike” about. What about the little guy? YES… I’m going to try to root for the little guy.

I was feeling good about things. The episode opened with the 6 men and 6 women left merging and heading back to the “one world” beach. What was the point of them going off to two beaches for such a short time anyways?

I don’t know.

I sometimes get the feeling that during the game the behind the scenes crew was scrambling to do something… anything… with this dud of a crowd to keep things interesting.

Back on the one world beach, I was thinking that maybe I would also start rooting for Jay cause he’s pretty. And then he wouldn’t share his coffee and he is just such a surly downer. I don’t like surly folks so I eliminated him as a candidate for my support.

At the reward challenge the tribes were divided into two teams and had to dig a hole in the sand to get under a barrier. Little Leif went first. He dug his hole. He’s small… getting through a hole dug in the sand should be easy for this fella except he doesn’t understand basic body mechanics and dove into the hole head first.  Of course the human body doesn’t bend backwards as well as it does forwards and little Leif got stuck. Leif? Out!!

The other team (Alicia, Christina, Jay, Sabrina, Chelsea and Troyzan) won and was treated to pizza and beer and a clue that said (brace yourselves) there was ANOTHER immunity necklace hidden not so well on their beach. Ya don’t say!

This was Troyzan’s week. He got up early and seemingly found the immunity necklace with ease (BORING BORING BORING - whoever is in charge of hiding those damn things COME UP WITH A BETTER HIDING PLACE!!!!) It was NOT Tarzan’s week though.

Here is the trouble with Tarzan. He’s just weird and gross. As the tribe mates hung out on the beach it became apparent that Tarzan (have I pointed out yet this week that he is a SURGEON?) poops in his pants. He half-heartedly tried to deny it but no one was buying it and it really grossed everyone out. He’s just so weird and yucky UGH!!

The season’s first individual immunity challenge involved balancing balls on a plate. Of course Tarzan, who in his daily job as a plastic surgeon should have above average dexterity and focus, couldn’t even balance one ball for more than a minute! And this guy is the “captain of your operating room?” (He actually said that tonight). Crazy!

Troyzan continued his winning streak by being the first recipient of individual immunity, and things got a little weird when he gushed, “Jeff Probst is touching me”… Hmmm…

What happened after the challenge was just stooooopid. It became clear that not only is there no solid leadership or consensus, but no one has any real strategy whatsoever. They were all just bouncing all over the place. For whatever reason they seemed to turn on chef Jonas, the person who is FEEDING them. 

This dude can turn coconut scraps and seawater into faux potato chips. He is a total follower with no good strategy or brains of his own.  Why would you vote HIM out at this point? I could see the women wanting to vote him out, but Tarzan doesn’t like him and it seems that the other lost players actually listen to crazy Dr. T. now that bitchy Colton is gone.

So Jonas got voted off. And I still have no one to root for. I still don’t like any of these people. In real life I would NEVER let Tarzan operate on me. I would not let Leif draw my blood. I would not let Alicia go anywhere near my children much less teach them. I would not take career advice from Christina. I would not let Troyzan take pictures of me in my swimsuit. I WOULD let Jay model for me but that is beside the point. I’m still not rooting for him to win the game.
 
 

 Once again I’m at a loss to describe what I witnessed this evening. This is one weird-assed collection of people. They are well fed, but weird-assed. I had to mention how pampered the contestants of season 24 have been. I do believe the cast of season 1 - Sonja, BB, Stacey, Ramona, Dirk, Joel, Gretchen, Greg, Jenna, Gervase, Colleen, Sean, Susan, Rudy, Kelly and Richard would have actually gained weight under these “grueling” conditions.

Back to this season. The newly formed Tikiano tribe can be divided into these groups - the Good, the Bad and the Stupid.

First the Good.

Troyzan – he earned this distinction by finding the Hidden Immunity Idol while the rest slept. He knows the game of Survivor. He is a closet Fellow Survivor Geek.

Chelsea and Kim – are both well-rounded, competitive players. Not only are they easy to get along with; they are also easy on the eyes. Very easy. Very.

Sabrina – is another strong woman from the old Salani tribe. She is extremely honest, almost to a fault. This could prove to be her downfall later in the game.

Jay – is in this group because he is neither Bad nor Stupid. Okay, maybe a little stupid, but in a good way like Kelso on That 70’s Show.

Christina – based on the compassion she showed slime bag Colton last week after the way he treated her, she more than qualifies for the good category. Frankly, she should be in the Mother Teresa classification.

Now for the Bad.

Michael – you could make an argument that he is similar to Jay – very Kelso-esque. Unfortunately, because his beard is rapidly approaching his eyeballs on the way to his forehead, he drops into the Bad group. Call me superficial.

Leif – listen, I’ve got nothing against little people, but the pierced nipples really creep me out. Come to think of it, he might be qualified to star with Bridget the Midget in a BDSM featurette.

Alicia – the baddest of the Bad. Had it not been for dirt bag Colton, she would easily earn top honors for the being the most black-hearted. And the torture she puts those leopard print panties through…

Finally, the Stupid.

Kat – so far she is the Sole Survivor when it comes to stupidity. Hands down. Last week after scum bucket Colton was stricken with appendicitis, she wanted to know what an appendix was and wanted to make sure she wouldn't catch it.

Although I never read my esteemed colleagues contributions before writing mine, I am sure that they have done an exemplary job of reporting the details. With that in mine. I do not want to be redundant. Therefore, I will leave you with the top 4 quotes from week seven of Survivor: One World.

4. From Tarzan when expressing his disgust with the way Jonas was talking about Michael – “He doesn’t have to throw him OVER the bus.”

3. Again from Tarzan. This time when some of the ladies were “doing laundry” – “I swear it’s not poop. Honest, it’s dirt.” This gem was repeated at least four times.

The top two quotes came from Emmy award-winning host Jeff Probst during the Immunity Challenge where the competitors had to balance several balls on a round platter while balancing on a small beam.

2. “Troyzan’s balls haven’t moved in a long time.” This drew a concerned look from Troyzan.

1. Far and away best quote of the evening - “Michael with balls hanging on both sides of his disc.” Okay, I’m superficial AND sophomoric.

Until next time…from the booth.

We Was Robbed!

It’s been well documented that in the world of softball, Tirabassi is a bona fide dynasty. Since the early 1960s, this team has been the softball equivalent of the New York Yankees, Boston Celtics, Montreal Canadiens and Green Bay Packers all rolled into one. For over forty-five years, the Tirabassi Excavators have been the benchmark for slow-pitch softball in Kenosha. They have been that good for that long.

During the 1980s my 400 Club team had several classic match-ups with the Tirabassi juggernaut. Unfortunately, we were always on the short end of the score in every one of those games. Not once during my storied career as manger of the legendary 400 Club did we defeat Tirabassi.

Never. Not once. Not in a tournament. Not in a city league game. Not even in a beer game. Never.

As hard as it is to do, I must admit that they were simply a better team then we were. There is no getting around it. Tirabassi always attracted the top athletes in town. They had no problem “luring” the best players away from other teams. This became painfully evident to me when they later “acquired” two of the best players I ever had play for me, Matt Montemurro and Bruce “Hollywood” Meyers.

That is why it aggravated me greatly whenever we had the chance to beat Tirabassi and let it slip through our fingers. However, it was even worse when it wasn’t our doing that cost us the chance of defeating Rocky Tirabassi and his gang of sluggers. And that is exactly what happened to us one muggy June night at Lincoln Park.

We was robbed!

There is no other way to put. The umpire that evening, Dave Richards, robbed us of having any hope of a victory in the very first inning of the game. He let us know right then and there that we were NOT going to beat Tirabassi in that particular game. Let me explain.

The 400 Club was playing Tirabassi in a city league game. We played in the top division, the Tuesday National, and it was early enough in the season to still have dreams of dethroning them and finishing in first place.

In order to accomplish this considerable feat we needed to be on top of our game and get a few breaks along the way. With that in mind, I immediately lost the coin toss, giving Tirabassi the home team advantage, forcing us to bat first. So much for getting a break. Regrettably it wouldn’t be the only break that we did not receive.

With one out in the top of the first inning, Bruce Edmark stepped to the plate. With Meyers and Montemurro set to follow, I knew that it was crucial that Edmark got on base. We needed some early momentum if we were to knock off our nemesis.

An anxious Edmark jumped on the first offering from Rocky Tirabassi, sending it right back at the pitcher on one sharp hop. DAMN!

But wait, the ball dribbled away from the usually sure-handed Tirabassi and he scrambled to pick it up as the speedy Edmark raced down the first base line.

When I saw Rocky finally secure the ball, I knew it would be a bang-bang play at first base. The ball and Edmark arrived at the bag at nearly the same instant. As the dust settled I heard umpire Richards call out, “Safe!”

Yes! There was the break we needed.  We had a man on with the heart of the order coming up. Just then an angry Rocky Tirabassi began shouting, “I want an appeal!” and interrupted my short-lived jubilation.

I paused for a second before smiling because I realized that there could be no appeal because Richards was the only umpire that night. His partner had not shown up, so all decisions were his and were final. There was no one to overturn the call, no one to appeal the play to.

Or so I thought.

Realizing whom he had just ruled against, Richards immediately lost his spine and a few other male body parts and reversed his decision. He now decided that Edmark was not safe but was out. So much for any momentum for the 400 Club.

I was furious and demanded to know why he changed the original call. Richards meekly told me that Rocky had appealed it. I instantly shouted, “To who? There is no other ump to appeal it to!” he stared at me with a blank look on his face and said nothing.

When it became increasingly obvious that Richards had no intention of seeing the error of his way, I returned to the bench and proceeded to hurl insults at the weak-willed umpire. No cursing mind you, just stuff like, “You’re terrible” and “That was horrible”. But I was loud. Very loud. Extremely loud. You might even say vociferous. Ralph Kramden would have been proud.

As I watched the smug Rocky Tirabassi standing on the mound grinning from ear to ear, I suddenly became aware of two things. One, Richards was not going to eject me from the contest - he lacked the intestinal fortitude to do that. Secondly, I knew that we were going to lose to Tirabassi. Again.

And we did.

On that particular evening, with a line-up comprised of softball studs like Bill Johnson, Mark Hackbarth, Chuck Lange, Larry Carbone and Carmen Pillizzi; Rocky Tirabassi needed Dave Richards, to impersonate an umpire and give his powerhouse team an edge over my 400 Club team.

And he got it. I said it before and I will say it again. We was robbed.

Until next time…from the booth.

Survivor 24.6

Here’s the Official Survivor: One World Recap Trilogy for week six:
 

Mary Beth’s 2Cents: Holy karma, Batman! I think we may have just witnessed some kind of divine intervention on tonight's episode! Or maybe I caused Colton to go down in a blaze of weaselness (making up words again) as he was carried off on a stretcher. He and cohort Alicia were so nasty at the start that I was inwardly willing something bad to happen to him.

And it did!

Appendicitis could not have happened to a nicer person. Come to think of it, the way this episode was edited – showing the Terror Twins at their evil worst – it almost looks staged that Colton would so suddenly take ill.

Still, I think it's very funny that it took this medical emergency to get some of the other people on that tribe to start thinking for and about themselves a little.

It was even funnier that Alicia looked like she might soil her already disgusting bikini bottom when Colton took the idol with him and left her in the lurch. Ooh, that karma…she's a bitch alrighty!

Honestly, other than that turn of events the episode was kind of ho hum. Tarzan, he of little clothing and even littler sense, was a hoot too. He was going to stick with the Colton plan no matter what and I think I even heard him say “pretty please” when he was asking Leif to do the same and vote Christina out. Little Leif looked like a deer in the headlights not knowing exactly how to respond.

Turned out he needn't have worried. Both tribes went to Council and the merge was on giving horrible Alicia another chance at this game. When Probst talked about Colton's impending appendectomy Kat's face was priceless. She wanted to know what that was and how she could make sure she didn't get her appendix hurt!

Crikey, she is the epitome of a dumb blonde. Still she has some saving grace in that she is entertaining, so I hope she hangs around a while.

So, Colton flew up and away (no tears from me on that one), Alicia lived another day (whoopideedoo! I can't stand her), Kat's wide eyed gaze got even wider (no one is really that naïve, are they?), Tarzan continued to break all island fashion rules (what the heck was he wearing on his leg?) and they had ice cream (when are they really going to start suffering)! Yup, that pretty much sums up this episode!

Hopefully the new dynamic of the merged tribe will bring out the character in some of these characters because, I'm sorry to say, I'm starting to get bored with this season!

 

Jamie’s Prognosis: He has an appendicitis!

Hahahahahahaha…gasp…hahahahahahaha… Oh wait. Whew! I’m sorry. I couldn’t catch my breath from my reaction to tonight’s episode.

Well, this week showed us that karma she is a bitch indeed. The episode started with a display of just bad badness as Colton and Alicia came together like two feral cats on a mission to basically just hurt and maim. Ugly people, they lost all pretense of civility and started attacking Christina.

They called her a human cockroach to her face. They told her she was worthless and the next to be voted off. They laughed at her and mocked her just because they could. That was it for me. Any entertainment value that Colton held for me prior to tonight was squashed.
 
And Alicia?  She is just vicious, virulent and wicked. Even Kat, who is on the other team and physically separated from Alicia, was having dreams about her evilness.

At the reward challenge, the two teams struggled equally in an effort to ricochet coconuts off a trampoline at targets. It didn’t seem like a game that required much skill, and both sides struggled at the beginning.

I do not think that either Colton or Alicia hit a target once, but they continued to deride and mock Christina when she also didn’t hit her mark.  What hypocrites! The well-stacked Salani ended up winning a trip to a “Survivor style” ice cream parlor, which was really just a big cooler on the beach.

No matter, the ice cream looked good. Can you imagine the gastrointestinal distress that would occur when ice cream hits a gut that has been severely deprived of nutrition for over two weeks? Those are the things that they don’t show on camera, which is a good thing.
 
Speaking of gastrointestinal distress, after tyrannical Colton returned to camp he became ill. First he thought that his uncouth brain was swelling.

As he rocked back and forth in distress who came to his assistance?  Not his evil counterpart Alicia. She was working hard at getting her booty rest. No… it was Christina!

Was it strategy or human compassion?  WHO CARES?  At least she was nice to the graceless boob as he lay there whining and crying.

Who was next to weigh in on the case?  Dr.Tarzan, who presented a haphazard differential diagnosis about what could be ailing the lad, including gas in the cecum. What a dufus! He finally admitted that he didn’t really know what it was.

I will say it again; DO NOT GO TO THIS DOCTOR! PLEASE!
 
Finally the real medical team was called in to examine a writhing Colton who, although clearly ill, upped the drama meter a few notches.

My favorite part of the episode was the glow in Probst’s eyes as he asked the medical team to explain in more detail what kind of pain the dolt was in.

When it was clear that he would have to leave, instead of leaving the idol he had in his possession for another tribe member, Colton decided to keep the $5 collection of beads and leather cord as a souvenir. Some “super fan” who loves the game, huh? Alicia looked like she wanted to eat him alive!!

Colton’s exit left his fellow tribes mates in a sense of confusion. For one thing, the spineless misfit crew had lost their “leader”. For a moment it looked like Tarzan was trying to step into the role of puppeteer for the others, but then he called Christina “Katrina” and once again everyone was faced with the clear fact that this guy is not the master of his domain.

Both tribes were called to tribal council where Probst announced that no one would be voted off because Colton had left the game. At this point Leif and some of the others began sharing their stories of their own lost appendixes.

Kat’s eyes grew big and wide in a precious "what the hell?" moment where it became clear that not only has Kat never heard of an appendix before, but she wanted to make sure that she didn’t catch an appendix because clearly it is going around!

At this point my husband looked at me and said “who are these swamp people”?  I don’t know. It’s day 17 and I still don’t have a person to root for.

Now I have a personal message for Colton, who is recovering from an appendectomy somewhere in Alabama. There is an old proverb that says “Before you begin on the journey of revenge, dig two graves”. I hope you understand that as you watch yourself on TV.  You are a disgrace to all Republican men, gay or straight - I'm thinking mostly straight, no?! Shame on you Colton!

Note to the casting director of Survivor; sober up! This is the worst Survivor ever!!
 

It was the late John Lennon who wrote, “Instant Karma’s gonna get you. Gonna knock you right on the head.” Or, in the case of tonight’s episode of Survivor, right on the appendix. I bet Colton wishes he never said, “I wish Christina would get medivacked out of here!” Boy, talk about paybacks being a bitch.

Not only did tonight’s episode make me think of a Lennon song, it also made me look up the spelling of a fancy word – Schadenfreude.

Schadenfreude is a noun whose definition is “pleasure derived from another person’s misfortune”. Tonight is the first time that I can honestly say I experienced Schadenfreude. When the diabolical drama queen Colton was lying on bed of palm leaves, writhing in pain from acute appendicitis, I actually felt happy. I believe I may have even beamed.

And the thing is, I didn’t even feel guilty about it. Not in the least.

I can’t believe I was alone experiencing Schadenfreude this evening. Be honest with yourself. I am being totally candid when I admit that seeing that spoiled little bigot being forced to leave the game made me smile.

Here are some comments that I wrote before Instant Karma knocked Colton right off his feet:

“Who is douchier – Alicia or Colton?”

“Has there ever been a bigger asshole than Colton?”

“It is really getting hard to watch this season because of Colton the little bitch.”

Sorry for the colorful language, but Colton brings it out of me. He treated Christina like crap, comparing her to a cockroach. Even the gutless Jonas was upset with the way Colton was demeaning her. Of course he didn’t do anything about it. Jonas really does need to grow a set.

Ironically, it was Christina who came to Colton’s aid, not once but twice when he was in agony. Again I quote Mr. Lennon – “Instant Karma’s gonna get you. Gonna look you right in the face. Better get yourself together darlin’, join the human race.”

Even while she was consoling him and holding his repugnant little head, Colton couldn’t appreciate what Christina was doing for him. I think he said something like, “Of course she’s helping me. She’ll do anything at this point.” I don’t think Colton is used to being around people that are genuinely kind.

Now that I think of it, maybe I was wrong in feeling Schadenfreude toward Colton. He makes me sad. Oh, I’m still glad he’s gone, but he truly does make me sad.

And finally… a few random observations – I can’t believe Alicia is a Special Education teacher! I pity her poor students… Is Kat really that stupid? She was afraid that she might break her appendix? C’mon!… It was a brilliant move to merge the tribes tonight. It instantly brought a new dynamic to the game… Fellow Survivor Geek Auntie Janet is the first person eliminated from my contest. All three of her picks are gone – Nina, Monica and Colton. What was the booby prize?

Until next time…from the booth.

A Good Cause

When I was a kid, warm weather usually meant that the end of the school year was drawing near. It also meant that a trip to Al Gallo’s barbershop on 22nd Avenue was also in the not-so distant future for the three Vagnoni brothers.

Much to our chagrin.

In the late ‘60s it was cool to have long hair, not the dreaded buzz cut that our parents forced upon our young innocent heads. Despite our impassioned pleas, we started each summer with a haircut reminiscent of Curly Howard.

Now, more than forty years later, I am no kid. While I no longer yearn for locks like Roger Daltrey, I never again sported the Al Gallo summer-do once I got to junior high.

Until yesterday.

On Wednesday I noticed on facebook that my sister-in-law Nancy was shaving heads at the Moose Lodge on St. Patrick’s Day to raise for the St. Baldrick’s Foundation. This wonderful organization raises money for childhood cancer research.

This information from their website will give you an idea what they are all about:

On March 17, 2000, reinsurance executives John Bender, Tim Kenny and Enda McDonnell turned their industry’s St. Patrick’s Day into a head-shaving event to benefit kids with cancer. Their 20 “shavee” recruits planned to raise “$17,000 on the 17th.” Instead, they raised over $104,000!

The movement quickly grew into the world’s largest volunteer-driven fundraising program for childhood cancer research, and today the St. Baldrick’s Foundation funds more in childhood research grants than any organization, except the U.S. government.

Since 2000, more than 189,6060 volunteers…including over 17,200 women…have shaved in solidarity with children with cancer at events in dozens of countries and every U.S. state. Thanks to generous friends and family, these shavees have raised over $117 million for live-saving research, and each is a walking billboard for the cause!

At St. Baldrick’s events, people from all walks of life discover a power they didn’t know they had…the power to bring hope and a future to the bravest kids in the world, and countless say, “St. Baldrick’s is the best thing I’ve ever done to help someone.”

I told you it was a worthwhile cause.

Since my friend Corrina was coming over to cut my hair on Thursday, I decided to go for it. It figured it was the very least I could do to help those brave young kids that have to fight cancer.

It took less than 5 minutes and brought me back to my youth. See for yourself:

 Unannounced, my good friend Patty 4-Names posted on facebook that she was proud of me for shaving my head for St. Baldrick’s. I really wasn’t keen on drawing attention to my fuzzy head. Maybe she was trying to get back at me for “persuading” her to join me in my Lenten pizza abstention.

Seriously, I knew she was sincere and I did receive many positive comments in facebook. While I appreciated each and every one of them, even those that were humorous, the one that touched me the most was from a gentleman named Hillary. He simply said, “Nice going Paul. It’s not what’s on top, but what’s on the inside.”

Hillary is 87 years old. He gets it.

Ironically, the only resistance I received was from my dear Mom. When I first told her that I was considering doing it, she told me that she thought it was wrong. A bit confused, I asked her what she meant. After some hesitation, she finally said, “You’ll look stupid!”

Ha! That didn’t concern her 40 some years ago when she sent us to Al Gallo’s!

A day later, it seems Mom has gotten used to my hairless cranium. She even said that she wants to donate to this fine cause. That’s good, because I intend on making this annual thing.

Until next time…from the booth.

Survivor 24.5

Here’s the Official Survivor: One World Recap Trilogy for week five:
 

 Usually I post my segment of the Trilogy last, but because of the realignment of tribes I decided to lead off. That’s right, it’s no longer man vs. woman living in the same camp. The tribes will continue to be called Salani and Manono, but they will reside in separate camps. I thought that it was important that our faithful legions of readers are clear where everyone ended up.

The new Salani tribe: Jay, Troyzon, Michael, Kat, Chelsea, Sabrina and Kim.

The new Manono tribe: Colton, Tarzan, Leif, Jonas, Alicia, Christina and Monica.

Because of the outstanding job Mary Beth and Jamie do covering the action, I am just going to list a few random thoughts about tonight’s episode.

•    Both of the realigned tribes have four women. Think about it for a second and tell me I’m wrong.

•    Will someone please make Tarzan take off those dirty blue Speedos? Wait, on second thought, forget I said that.

•    Kim was the first contestant to get religious this season. While searching for the Hidden Immunity Idol she uttered, “Lord Please…” Let’s pray this doesn’t turn into one big revival meeting like last season.

•    Another first – Jeff Probst FINALLY made mention of Leif’s dwarfiness. Hey, Jamie and Mary Beth get to make up words…

•    Now that there are two separate camps, it really isn’t “One World”. With this spineless bunch, it should be renamed: Survivor: As Long As It It’s Me”. I support this notion with this quote by sushi chef Jonas: “I’ll be Colton’s bitch, just don’t vote me off.”

•    Can they possibly show Alicia’s ample ass any more? I’m not really complaining, but come on. I think I will be seeing those leopard print panties in my dreams.

•    Keeping mind the last observation, the quote of the night came from Probst to Alicia during Tribal Council. After the bootilcious one made a rather condescending comment about Monica, Probst remarked, “I smell a but(t) coming…” Ha!

•    From that same Tribal Council we learned that Tarzan fancies himself something of a wordsmith. Much to Leif’s dismay. He can’t remember the names of his tribe mates, but he knows a lot of big words.

Before I wrap up my portion, I wanted to mention the current standings for the Survivor contest. After five weeks, Patty, Jo and Karen R. are the only contestants with all three of their final 3 selections still in the game. 

There is still a long way to go, but I thought it would be nice to let everyone know. All of the selections are posted in the column to the right of the blog.
 

 The weirdness continued on tonight's episode. The two tribes, men vs. women, are no more. They dropped their buffs and hit themselves with eggs to see what color was inside and that determined which new tribe they found themselves on.

The new “Salani” is compiled of the beefcakes and muscular babes (which I will now refer to as the muscabes). The other tribe, “Manono” was left with what I can only refer to as the riff raff of the island. But, in what might have been the best cameo performance by karma ever, Colton was now in riff-raffville! And he was NOT happy about it.

Tonight there were some really bad things presented. First, there was way too much camera time for Colton and Alicia, two of the most unlikeable people on the planet. They did a lot of talking and more talking. And then there was a shot of Alicia's bulbous behind clad only in a small leopard print bikini bottom that was simply terrifyingly large on screen.

Second, we had a lot of Tarzan as well. Big, grey hairy Tarzan walking around in his bikini underwear, which, honestly, left nothing to the imagination. I just really didn't need that visual etched into my brain!

The last and, in my opinion, worst thing presented, was the Immunity Challenge itself. I could not help but worry that little Leif was going to be swept away by the tide and drowned. Who thought a challenge playing basketball (not a little person's best sport, I'd imagine) in three feet of water (making getting a good footing almost impossible for the little guy) was a good thing?

I was so distracted by worrying about him that I almost couldn't see who was winning or losing. Then the shot of Colton prancing over the waves came on and my mind snapped back into gear and I got over it.

Alicia sided with Colton and got a woman booted off which is only going to hurt her in the end anyway. Actually, no one on Manono is going to make it very far in this game. They've already started pecking each other away one by one. So unless someone wises up and gets them all to get rid of Colton, they are dooming themselves to keep losing challenges, lowering their numbers and be at a great disadvantage once a merge comes around.

I still do not like a single person on this season of Survivor. It's making me mad. Even Jeff Probst is starting to get on my nerves! Someone has to step up to become a favorite soon or I might have to write a nasty worded letter to CBS! I want to know who did the casting for this season? They should be fired!
 

Jamie’s Prognosis?  Bland Buff and Crazy!

 I just keep feeling bum puzzled by this show (stolen verbatim from pretty boy Jay). Hey, I’m always looking for something random to say to the teens. The episode started with the reward challenge, but not before Probst told everyone to drop their buffs. Clearly he couldn’t stand another second of the whole men versus women living in “one world” blah blah blah ugh!!

I think we all shared the same sentiment about this season, no? It’s been pretty ugly. At the challenge Probst passed out eggs and told the contestants to smash the eggs against their bodies. Creepy but COOL because the eggs contained yolks of different colors.

I was bum puzzled yet again… How did the genius wizards at team Survivor get those chickens to lay eggs in orange and blue? No matter. The stronger physical players landed on Salani, leaving a ragtag Manono tribe that is once again seemingly lead by the fantastically annoying and beeeotchy Colton.

He likened the other tribe to “Greek Gods”, and so of course the “Gods” easily won the reward challenge consisting of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on really good looking delicious bread (I gave bread up for Lent, HELP ME) and coffee.

The losers had to leave the “one world” beach and forge their own way on a new beach. They didn’t seem to care much because once again were seemingly given a bunch of equipment and supplies to build their new camp. WTF? I miss the days of frugality and suffering! Seriously I do. I am tired of all of these free handouts. Heavens to Romney maybe I have been watching too much of the Republican debates!!

On Salani, the genetically gifted Kim went looking for the Immunity Idol and found it. Do we think they need to start hiding the idol a little better? This just “finding” of the idol every season now is getting old. The bottom line is that Salani as a group are bland and buff. They should go far.

So lets talk CRAZY: Manono!!  First of all, there were chickens running around on the beaches again (are they indigenous or prop chickens?) and Monica and Christina caught one in a 3-sided box. Duh! Which lead to the chicken outwitting, outplaying, and outlasting them all by heading for the hills.

The chicken was the smartest strategist out there this week. That was just plain silly. Even sillier?  The Immunity Challenge, with Colton splashing, sprinting and screeching in the water as he tried to play basketball with the “buffets”, as they shall now be called. 

Of course Salani won that too. Which lead to Colton deciding, irrationally, that the strongest player on their team should go home. On day 14! That would be Monica Culpepper! Did I mention that she is physically their strongest player? 

I mean Tarzan (once again this guy is a PLASTIC SURGEON… Someone please call the AMA) is running around in a dirty ill fitted thong. He can’t move. He has nominal aphasia so he can’t remember people’s names. He is weird and just… weird. But let’s keep HIM around instead of someone who can help win challenges. Seriously, this team was fractured at the get go.

With Colton in the lead, I think of a stupid joke; How do you find a blind man on a nude beach? It isn’t hard… ba-dum bum! Colton that ones for you buddy! 

Is this just over the top beeotchiness/stupidity OR is he actually being strategic? "Hard" to tell. He is detestable on one hand and yet he is also the only person with any personality of interest on this season. Who knows? I may be rooting for his badass gay Republican self in what will CLEARLY be a line crossing bipartisan decision on my part!

  
Until next time…from the booth.

Some Influential TV

Today I came across an article on CNN Entertainment written by Barry Garron titled, “Which TV Shows Were Most Influential”. Being a long-time television aficionado, I was extremely interested to see what this column had to say. It seems CNN polled a panel of a dozen professional TV watchers on which programs had the biggest influence in altering the direction of television programming. In all, 46 different shows were mentioned as having a strong impact on TV but none was mentioned as often as “Hill Street Blues”.

The panel of experts consisted of Robert Blanco - USA Today, Matt Roush – TV Guide Magazine, Matt Dawidziak – Plain-Dealer in Cleveland, Neal Justin – Star Tribune in Minneapolis, Maureen Ryan – AOL, Ken Tucker – Entertainment Weekly, Glenn Garvin – The Miami Herald, Dave Walker – Times-Picayune in New Orleans, Mary McNamara – LA Times, Elayne Rapping – State University of New York, Robert J. Thompson – Syracuse and Max Dawson – Northwestern.

In the article, Garron mentions that “Hill Street Blues” never finished a season among the top 20 programs in the Nielsen ratings. Surprisingly, series like “ER” and “CSI”, both huge hits that were the most popular shows in several seasons, failed to garner even one mention from this esteemed committee.

The experts cited the diverse cast of “Hill Street Blues” at a time when this was a rarity and that it laid the groundwork for dramas to be more complex. The fact that it paved the way for TV drama to be adult was another reason mentioned.

Elayne Rapping, a professor of American studies and media at the State University of New York, called it “the prototype for a serious complex view of inner-city crime”.

All of these qualities are very evident in two of my all-time favorites, The Wire and The Sopranos.

Speaking of The Sopranos, here is the list of the most influential shows chosen by the panel:

1. “Hill Street Blues”
2. (tie) “I Love Lucy”
2. (tie) “The Sopranos”
4. “The Tonight Show”
5. (tie) “All in the Family”
5. (tie) “Survivor”
7. (tie) “The Cosby Show”
7. (tie) ”60 Minutes”
7. (tie) “Friends”
10. (tie) “The Today Show”
10. “American Idol”

Honorable mention: “M*A*S*H”, “The Simpsons”, “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”, “Law & Order”, “Lost”, “Your Show of Shows”, “The Milton Berle Show”, “Sesame Street”, “The Shield”, “American Bandstand” and the UK original version of the “The Office”.

Some of these choices startled me a bit, but hey, these are veteran TV critics and college professors who study the media. Who am I to question their expertise?

Well, I do watch a boatload of television and have my definite favorites. This is evidenced by the list of “My Favorite TV Shows” located on the right side of the blog just below the ad for my book.

While I might not be a “professional”, three of my favorites were among the top five on the list of the so-called experts. Two more of mine also made the honorable mention list.

Maybe I do know a thing or two about TV programs after all.

Not to worry, I’m not going to turn “pro”. For the time being I am content writing the Official Survivor Recap Trilogy with Mary Beth and Jamie. If I were to become a professional it would mean that I would have to watch shows like “American Idol” and “Glee”. Heaven forbid.

Until next time…from the booth.

When Panic Sets In

Last week at this time I was in a state of panic. When I started my MacBook, the screen was dark. The familiar sound of the C Major chord was there, but nothing but darkness on the screen. My heart raced as I pushed the power button, hoping that the problem would rectify itself. Isn’t the “reboot” the universal solution for all technical problems?

Not this time.

Oh, I was teased with a brief appearance by the photo of the Kenosha lighthouse on my desktop. But that only lasted long enough for me to make a quick check of facebook and then it was back to a gloomy murkiness.

And more panic.

I grabbed the AT & T yellow pages from the dining room table. Thank goodness they still published this tree-killing telephone directory of businesses.

Frantically I flipped through pages until I got to “Computer Repair”. Even though it was Saturday morning at 7:30, surely there was someone who could get my ailing laptop going again. There just had to be!

The first number I called was for Geeks on Site, an “800 number”. Eureka, someone answered! When they ensured me that they worked on Macs, my spirits began to rise. When they confidently diagnosed my problem, my spirits soared. When they asked me for my area code, my spirits plummeted.

The closest technician they had was in Janesville, a “mere” 75 miles way. Rats, back to searching the yellow pages.

Although the numbers I called advertised weekend service, none of them answered my desperate calls for help. Each time I got an answering machine, I would hang up in frustration, never leaving a message. After a half dozen calls, I was exasperated and unsure of what to do next.

Then the phone rang.

When I said hello, I was greeted with “Hey, I missed your call. What can I do for you?” It was Tom Tassi from Absolute Computer Systems. He saw that I had called earlier and even though I hadn’t left a message, he was following up.

Nice.

When I explained my problem to Tom, he agreed with the diagnosis that Geeks on Site had made. It was something to do with the inverter cable and possibly the display board.

He could have said it was the flotsam and jetsam, I wouldn’t have known. What I did know was that I was impressed with his concern with my problem. What happened next made an even bigger impression on me.

Tom asked where I lived.

He wanted to come over to look at my computer and get the serial numbers. 90 minutes later he was sitting at my dining room table discussing with me what needed to be done to repair my MacBook.

When I mentioned how pleased I was with the treatment I was receiving, Tom told me that Absolute Computer Systems was his company and he was the President. Talk about top-notch service!

Long story short - the parts were ordered Monday, I brought my laptop in on Tuesday morning and Wednesday morning at 9:30 I received a phone call letting me know I could pick it up.

Sure I was panicking the whole time I was without my precious computer. After all, it is my connection to the outside world and all my dear friends. It is also the invaluable tool that I use to write this blog with.

My biggest fear was that I wouldn’t have it back in time to write the next installment of the Official Survivor: One World Recap Trilogy. I even expressed to Tom that this was important to me.

Obviously he understood.

Wednesday night, a few hours before Survivor was due to come on, I received a call from Tom asking if I was satisfied with the job his company did. I assured him that I did and that I would be a customer again the next time the situation arose.

Hopefully it won’t be anytime too soon.

Thanks again to Brian, Tracy and the rest of Tom’s staff. You eased the pain of being without my laptop. I don’t like that feeling. It makes me panic.

I highly recommend Absolute Computer Systems. They have been in business for 17 years and are located at 8719 Sheridan Road in Kenosha. The phone number is (262) 942-8572. Let them know I sent you.

Until next time…from the booth.

Survivor 24.4

Here’s the Official Survivor: One World Recap Trilogy for week four: 

 What the? No really… What in the blue hell happened tonight? The whole show started off catawampus and ended up all topsy-turvy. I said last week I hoped something happened that would make this show interesting again and I guess I got what I asked for!

First, who are these women all of a sudden? For a brief time, when it mattered and counted as a win for a great reward, these broads pulled it together and acted like a team for the first time! They were seen working around camp together, finding food together, and actually getting along!

They cleanly trounced the men in they reward challenge and even scorned Tarzan in unison when he tried to call their win dumb luck. For a while, they seemed invincible. But then they got to the Immunity Challenge. After a preliminary tiff about who would be good at doing puzzles, guess what? It turns out they stunk at puzzles from the get go and so the men won Immunity.

Meanwhile, over at the men's camp, they started the show by begging for the chance to use the fishing gear the women won and then got all pissy because the women said no. Hmmm, remember that whole “Why would we give you fire!” incident from episode one? Yeah, karma's a bitch boys!

The men won the Immunity Challenge by being able to figure out what looked like some fairly easy puzzles. Then they all went back to camp and, this is where it gets weird, Leif tells Bill the others want him voted out.

Okay, here we are well into this season and so far no one has mentioned the “little person” on the island. In fact, it almost seems like they've gone out of their way NOT to bring attention to him at all. Then, tonight, after finding out he spilled the beans to Bill, Colton – the evil Queen of Manono – calls him a “munchkin that needs to get knocked back to Oz” and “an Oompa Loompa” all in the course of one minute!

Colton then has a hissy fit and refuses to speak to Bill because he “doesn't talk to people he doesn't like”. He did a lot of head wagging, eye rolling and mincing around, for lack of a better term. Then, in what is probably the strangest move ever, the men decide to give up their Immunity and go to Tribal to vote because they can't live with the “betrayal in their midst”. Seriously, there has not been this much dramarama since Dynasty when off the air!

So, what have we learned tonight?

1.    The women, who are not exactly grounded in reality, are the saner of the two tribes after all.
2.    It's okay to ignore a little person unless you are regaling him with degrading terms as you shiver in disgust and roll your eyes.
3.    Colton is a spoiled rotten rich brat who has no relativity in the real world and needs to learn that having an African American housekeeper is not equal to “knowing black people”.
4.    He needs to go.  

 I was struck yet again this week by the fact that I still don’t like any of the players on this season. I'm not sure what it is about this particular group of people that makes them all just seem so… obnoxious. But they just are.

The episode started with the men offering to go fishing for the women because they wanted to use their fishing nets. The women were so engrossed in eating their disgusting slimy sandy sautéed snails that they did NOT take them up on what would seem like a smart move.

As I said last week… Where is the human decency? Working together to survive? Hope those snails taste good girls. I will say it again, these are a bunch of people I would NEVER want anything to do with in the real world.

Anyhooo, moving on to the reward challenge, at first glance it seemed as if anything involving the sling shooting (not sure if that's a word) of coconuts at a giant wooden tic tac toe board would easily be won by the men.

Wrong.

The women seemed to know how to handle their coconuts better than the men. Well at least better than these sad sack men. In the end Monica Culpepper showed that NFL wives can throw a pass too by winning the challenge. I kind of like Monica. Well I don't find her to be completely obnoxious, so that's one point in her favor.

Oh yes and big moment… Kat didn't totally suck at the challenge. The women of Salani passed over the tempting donuts and coffee and wisely chose the tarp as reward, so at least we won't have to see them all wet and waterlogged anymore.

I hope.

Back at the men's camp Leif finally said something. And it wasn't good. He told Bill that Colton wanted him voted off, and this lead to Bill spewing forth a bunch of "Dude" and "Bro’s as he wallowed in disbelief. Then the rest of the guys found out that Leif told Bill about his potential ouster and they all just had a completely inappropriate collective melt down.

These guys are even bigger losers than the girls (with the exception of model Jay who seems fairly normal compared to the other freaky dudes). I mean would any woman in America ever go to "Tarzan" for plastic surgery?

Seriously, ugh!

At the Immunity Challenge the women were a mess. Alicia, whose brain is clearly not as big as her boobs was paired with Chelsea, who I thought was a fairly decent player until tonight. All they had to do was line up some pieces of wood, which I don't even consider to be an actual puzzle, and they just couldn't do it.

Pathetic.

Back at Manono the men COULD have been relaxing and celebrating. Instead, they all just completely became enmeshed in Colton’s over the top, for no reason, dramatic hissy fit, that centers around his completely irrational dislike of harmless Bill.

I am not sure when Colton became the leader of Manono, but he is. And hell hath no fury like a Colton scorned. In the craziest thing I have ever seen he convinced the other dim wits to give Tribal Immunity to the women so they could vote his man-hate off. The look on Probst’s face when the men walked in was kind of priceless.

Kudos to Bill for trying to do the pull on the heartstrings thing as he told his story of being a poor black comedian. But mean boy Colton was having none of it and then he had that "oh hell no he didn't just say that" moment when he tried to make himself not look like a racist by saying that he has black people in his life.

As in his MAID back in Alabama.

I felt like I was watching "The Help"! He’s more unlikeable as the weeks go by and yet… at least he is entertaining. If he goes home… who will we talk about? Bill was voted off. Leif is shaking in his shoes. Jay is appalled at his lot in life. The Tarzans are both weird.

Sigh. Is it just me or is the whole "one world" living on a beach thing just not working out as a gimmick? Thus far my prognosis is that this season is lame. Give us a Shambo. Please someone drop Coach from a helicopter. I'll even take another Hantz!
 
 

 Usually I try to make my recap witty and amusing. Not tonight. This evening I went from stunned disbelief to total disgust. For a brief moment I contemplated not even writing anything. After a short phone chat with Fellow Survivor Geek Auntie Janet, I decided to let loose with how I feel.

The Manono tribe is the sorriest collection of ignorant imbeciles ever assembled on Survivor. The whole notion of giving away your tribe’s immunity because you want to eliminate someone is bad enough, but when it is based on their race and social standing, it becomes distasteful and vile.

To make it even more repulsive was the fact that Jonas, Jay, Michael, Tarzan and Troyzan were talked into this despicable act by that bigoted and repugnant troll, Colton.

Hold on, that was a little harsh of me. I need to apologize to all bigoted repugnant trolls; Colton is in a class all of his own.

You think I’m kidding? Consider this evidence:

Last week when the females of the Salani tribe asked if they could borrow an ember from the Manono’s fire, Colton indignantly stated, “I’m sorry, I’m a Republican, I don’t believe in handouts.”

Strike one.

Later in the same episode, he stated that he hated Bill and that he was “ghetto trash”.

Strike two.

Tonight he made the following comments about little-person Leif - “That little Munchkin is about to get kicked back to Oz.” and “He’s becoming an annoying little Oompa Loompa.”

Strike three.

And this is who Jonas, Jay, Michael, Tarzan and Troyzan chose to hook their star to. This is who told them to give up immunity so they could vote Bill off because he HATED him. And they did it.

There’s only one thing worse than a bigot – someone who enables bigotry and hatred.

With that in mind, I would like to make the following suggestions: If you ever need a Sushi Chef, don’t hire Jonas Otsuji. If you are in need of a model, skip Jay Byars. If you are looking for a banker, forget about Michael Jefferson. If you need plastic surgery, don’t even consider Greg “Tarzan” Smith. If you are in the market for a swimsuit photographer, pass over Troy “Troyzan” Robertson.

These mindless cretins will be too busy to do a good job for you. They will be occupied blindly obeying the whims of a black hearted, xenophobic slime ball.

Until next time…from the booth.