Survivor 25.5

Yay! Jamie is back! So, here is the Official Survivor: Philippines Recap Trilogy for week five:

Mary Beth’s 2Cents: On day 11, it's still raining and miserable in the Philippines and the remnants of the Matsing tribe, Malcolm and Denise have turned their concerted efforts to wildly hunting for the Hidden Idol. Now that they're down to just the two of them they realized they needed something to make them valuable or at least somewhat protected in the event there was a merge. I have to admit I was wondering how they were going to handle the demise of a full tribe on this show so quickly. I can't recall another season where an entire tribe was picked off so early into the season.

After much thinking and searching, Malcolm and Denise found the idol. Malcolm, being both smart and cute, claimed it for his own. Denise realized she has some power by just knowing that Malcolm has the idol. Information can be a powerful thing in Survivor. Sure enough, before the challenge, both Malcolm and Denise chose new buffs and they were “immersed” into one of the other tribes. Malcolm went to Tandang. Denise went to Kalabaw.

At the Reward Challenge, the first this season that wasn't tied to the Immunity Challenge, each person had to hold a statue on a tray-like thing and attempt to knock their opponents statue out of their hands. For Survivor, this was a boring challenge! So simple! Winners would get coffee, muffins and cookies. Each duo stalked each other for a few minutes until one or the other would make a bold move and someone's statue would tumble.

In the end, Tandang won which made Malcolm giggle in the cutest way. He was fairly dancing with happiness and sugar after eating muffins and cookies. He's so dreamy!

Best move – Mike Skupin tossed his statue into the air with a dramatic flair that took his opponent off guard and allowed him to reach over and knock the other statue down. Best line of the night – Abi, who got her hair touched in the challenge by Katie, says, “She went for my hair! She went for my hair! Play like a man, don't play like a bitch!” WOW, I really dislike Abi.

And now we pause for what can only be called, Mark Burnett's Private Moment Especially for Paul Vagnoni: Poor RC… in her bikini… all alone and feeling blue… wistfully strolling into the sea for a lonely swim as she speaks in a voice over of how alone she has always been and how people have always bullied her. Then she rises up out of the blue water, skin glistening in the sun, her long black hair shining and strolls, bikini-clad, back to camp…

We now return to our regularly scheduled blog spot.

At Tandang, Pete, for reasons known only to Pete, reveals to Malcolm that he and Abi have the idol. He's known Malcolm for ten minutes and he gives up that info. Pete's not too bright. Katie (a former Miss Delaware in a bikini whom I can't believe Paul hasn't mentioned yet) welcomed Denise with open arms and thinks she might be an asset to the all women alliance. But she never tells Denise that.

Meanwhile, Dana is getting sicker by the minute, throwing up and doubled over in pain. Probst shows up with Medical and after an examination the doc gives his professional opinion. He says, “Her tummy is irritated.” I kid you not. That's exactly what he said! After Probst asked him outright if she could on he added that he thought she could last 12 more hours if she had a lot of fluids. All the time Dana is writhing in pain on the ground. In the end, since it wasn't a life/death situation the choice to leave was hers. So she left.

This left Kalabaw already short one person at the Immunity Challenge which was an enormous obstacle course ending with, you guessed it, a puzzle. (Format, much? Sheesh!) Katie couldn't get her keister over the obstacles and Dawson couldn't keep her hands off the puzzle pieces. Tandang won by just a few seconds. Kalabaw would be off to tribal.

Katie apologized to everyone for sucking so badly at the challenge. Dawson tried to reassure her by agreeing she sucked. Both talked about getting the “new girl” Denise off the tribe but neither one had the sense to actually talk to anyone about that or even talk to Denise. The men got Denise on their side and it was bub bye Dawson at Tribal.

Awkward moment of the night – Dawson, a self described Jeff Probst groupie, goes in for the kiss and hug when her torch is snuffed out. It took Probst totally by surprise! The look on his face was priceless. And it's a darn good thing she's gone because everyone knows Probst is Jamie C's man! Hands off, sistah!! 
                                    
Jamie’s Prognosis: So first things first. Who is Carter? I seriously never saw this Spicoli looking guy before. All of a sudden he was all over the place… Where did he come from?

OK, so there was a problem with Malcolm and Denise. Their team Matsing sucked and was decimated and they were left alone. It was inevitable that the others would absorb them. But first, the Immunity Idol? Right under their noses. I was really hoping my fave Denise would figure it out, but alas pretty boy Malcolm got to it first. Seems to me as if someone pointed them to it, but I do not want to join the ranks of the Survivor conspirorists. 


So, off to the first challenge they went. And divvied up they were… Malcolm to Tandang and Denise to the Mash unit with Alan Alda aka Kalabaw.

In this first challenge they needed to knock an idol off an opposing team members plate and Abi continued to demonstrate her lack of class by accusing Kate of pulling her hair and playing like a bitch. Her tough girl swagger is really kind of stupid and annoying.

Tandang won, which caused Jonathon, aka Alan Alda to lament that he wished they had gotten Malcolm on their team. Really? Dude, Denise won her part of the challenge. YOU got scooped by Skupin!


Back at Tandang the ladies were loving Malcolm, especially Lisa Whelchel. Go easy there Cougar… he is pretty.
But there were bigger problems on Kalabaw. One of their stronger females, Dana had a stomachache. Penner tried to be helpful by suggesting that she get naked? Not sure how that helps…

He then had her put her head in his lap for comfort, which made me nervous. Thank GOD that right at that moment Dr. Jeff Probst and his entourage arrived.

They quickly determined that Dana was not that sick and could stay, but after being sequestered in Penner’s crotch, she wanted out. During the medical drama, fellow team mate Dawson noted that on a regular day she would totally jump on Probst but the timing was not good. Way to be a classy team player girl.

Next up was the Immunity Challenge. Once again Abi sat out demonstrating yet again how absolutely useless she is. As the teams took off, Kalabaw was lagging behind because of Miss Delaware Katie. She had a hard time getting her lady parts over a couple of the obstacles, but you know what I was thinking? At least she tried.

Tandang took the lead but Kalabaw quickly caught up in part because my fave player Denise was awesome yet again. At the end the players needed to chop a piece of wood with a hatchet. Jeff Kent went first for Kalabaw and let me say this; He may know how to swing the wood but he sure can't chop it! They lost and off they went to Tribal Council.

I was happy that Denise seemed safe. It was between Dawson and Miss Delaware. Before they went to council, Dawson was messing with Jeff Kent by talking about baseball players. She knows his BIG SECRET about being a former major leaguer.

It was kind of fun to watch. However, at tribal council Katie's assets saved her and Dawson was voted off, but not before she gave Jeff Probst an uncomfortably long hug. Groupie! 
We wondered if she would rat Jeff out by revealing who he is on her way out but she did not because of some ill thought out reverse blackmail scheme that involves a motorcycle and a pink gun. Crazy stuff, I still love this season.

The Booth’s Bits: Before I start, I just wanted to let our devoted readers know that I do not read what Mary Beth or Jamie have submitted before I write my portion. While we might seem to be going over the same stuff other at times, it fascinates me how often our opinions are similar. Or diametrically opposed. So, with that being said…

At long last Matsing doesn’t lose! Yes! Well, as you have already probably read, Matsing didn’t lose this week because it was disbanded. Predictably, the two remaining members were assigned to the other tribes. Hunky Malcolm to Tandang and Denise the sex therapist joined the Kalabaw gang.

It should be noted that Malcolm (finally) found the Hidden Immunity Idol at the Matsing camp before he and Denise parted company to go to their new tribes. Is it just me, but doesn’t it seem like he was somehow tipped of to the whereabouts of the idol? All of a sudden it’s like, voilà, there it is! I thought the same thing when Penner found his and again when Peter and Abi found the one at the Tandang camp. Maybe I have just been watching this show too long…

Anyways, before you could blink we had a Reward Challenge. Want to know what they were playing for? Coffee, tea, muffins, biscuits and cookies. The challenge was kind of lame. I’m sure Mary Beth or Jamie has already described it, so I won’t go into details. Tandang won and Malcolm almost broke into tears he was so happy. I’m not sure if it was winning for the first time or if he really liked muffins. Hey! Muffins are good.

While they were getting their sugar buzz on, several members of Tandang were eager to show Malcolm how much they liked him. First Lisa and then the voluptuous RC. When Peter started to eye him up while revealing he had a Hidden Immunity Idol, I think I actually heard Mary Beth screaming all the way over here on the north side of town. Everyone knows Malcolm is Mary Beth’s boy toy!

Over at Kalabaw, Dana woke up feeling kind of icky and knocked everyone out of the way so she could go puke her guts out in the jungle. Tribe mate Jonathan Penner once again channeled his inner Alan Alda, this time as Dr. Hawkeye Pierce from M*A*S*H. He made the diagnosis that Dana was shutting down and needed immediate medical attention.

Probst showed up with a physician sporting a jaunty accent to check out Dana. The doc said she could stick around 12 more hours, but she didn’t feel she could. Probst, in a gallant gesture, gave Dana his jacket and let her say good bye to the tribe. Katie, the former beauty queen was visibly shaken and remarked, “Oh great! Now who’s gonna take care of me?”

At the Immunity Challenge Probst called out Abi for once again sitting. When he asked her how many challenges she has actually participated in, she proudly declared, “Two!” I don’t like that girl…

Kalabaw lost the challenge because Katie couldn’t climb over the hill and Dawson was dumb as a box of rocks when it came to solving the puzzle. It was obvious that it would be one of them that would be voted off at Tribal Council. But which one? Hmm…

Jeff Kent, Carter, Penner and the newly acquired Denise mulled it over in a meeting on the beach. During the meeting, Jeff Kent spit a major league looking loogie, Penner continued to act like Alan Alda, Carter appeared confused and Denise nodded a lot while making strange, contorted faces.

After much consternation, they reached a consensus and voted out the dopey Dawson at Tribal Council. Obviously befuddled by the decision to send her home, she muttered, “Wow” a couple of times. But not before embracing and grinding on a startled Probst.

During the end credits, Dawson mentioned that she knew Jeff Kent had played Major League Baseball and concluded that he must already be a millionaire. She also decided that if he should win, he owes her big time and she wants a motorbike, helmet and a pink gun from him. Kalabaw clearly made the correct choice sending this whack job packing.

Until next time…from the booth.