Can You Say Dysfunctional?

Survivor Samoa is barely two episodes old and is already threatening to be one of the best seasons in recent memory. Typically you have to wait for interesting personalities to emerge. Not this season. There are fascinating characters crawling out of every corner of Samoa. Thanks in large part to the dysfunctional Fao Fao tribe, there will be no waiting this season. This tribe has every possible component necessary for some truly spectacular Survivor moments.

Before I elaborate on the “individuals” that make up the Fao Fao gang, it should be noted that team Galu has some intriguing folk inhabiting their camp just waiting for their moment to shine.

Galu, to their credit, features the fishless wonder Shambo and her off the chart mullet and the ghetto-licious Yasmin. And the fact that John is competing in royal blue Speedos can’t go unnoticed. But in the early going, Fao Fao far and away leads in eccentric, unconventional tribe members.

Remember in my preview column, It’s Survivor Time, I wrote, “I sense that early on, Fao Fao, featuring evil Russell H. and deceitful Elizabeth, will be very amusing to watch.”

Well, was I wrong?

The Dysfunctiol Fao Fao Tribe

Coming into tonight’s episode, Fao Fao had nine people remaining after ousting Marisa at last week’s Tribal Council. Tonight that number was reduced to eight after Borasi; the 62-year-old chef had his butt kicked so badly in the challenge that the medical team deemed him no longer able to continue.

When they voted off lady cop Betsy, the number dwindled to seven, but please keep in mind that Fao Fao is all about quality, not quantity when it comes to bizarreness and outlandish behavior.

At the top of the list is resident evil genius Hantz the sock burner. Not only did he continue to be a coldhearted bastard, but also in an unprecedented move, he found the Hidden Immunity Idol without a clue. Well-played Hantz!

In another Survivor first, Ben was thrown out of the challenge for viciously tripping an opponent. That was after he brutally tackled 110-pound Yasmin. Later he hacked on a log with a machete while everyone else attempted to sleep. If he remains in the game long enough, he could easily become the most repugnant contestant ever.

Natalie and Ashley are your stereotypical air headed blondes, with Ashley easily possessing more PSI. I see evil genius Hantz strangling her at some point. Pretty, but annoyingly stupid so far.

Next member of note is Elizabeth the obnoxious Asian chick. Behind those designer eyeglasses lies a real snake in the grass. Plus, she knows everything. Just ask her. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her. However, I would love to give it a shot.

That leaves us with Dr. Mick and Jaison. Unfortunately every group of total head cases has a few normal-types. These two guys fall into that category. Dr. Mick is very bright, but so far lacks a spine. Jaison knows things just ain’t right with his tribe and is struggling to change that.

The dysfunctional Fao Fao clan will make season nineteen a memorable one if only the most unorthodox, despicable and deceitfully immoral players stick around long enough. We can only hope. Until next time…from the booth.