The premier episode of Survivor Samoa finished three minutes ago. I made my obligatory phone call to Fellow Survivor Geek Aunt Janet and she reinforced my feelings. This is going to be a good season. The tribes, Galu and Fao Fao, have the usual Survivor mix of personalities to make things very interesting. You know, an opinionated Asian woman, a loud mouthed redneck, a rocket scientist and just enough silicone enhanced blonds to keep the censor busy gelling out the nasty bits.This usual cast of characters has a few special highlights, like Shambo from the Galu tribe. She is a Harley riding, second generation Marine who sports one helluva mullet. Not to be out done, Fao Fao features Hantz the “Evil Sock Burner”.
You heard me right; he is an evil sock burner. Not only did he burn tribe mate Jaison’s socks, he emptied all the drinking water from his team’s canteens. Evil. Diabolical. Vile. Demonic. Sinister. Lowdown. Despicable. Contemptible. And these are his good qualities.
Hantz is a millionaire oil company owner from Texas. He claims not to need the money; he just wants to show people how easy it is to win this game. The first day in camp he quickly formed two “secret” alliances.
One was with Ashley, Marisa, Elizabeth and Natalie. He called this, “The Dumb Ass Girl Alliance”. His alliance with Betsy, the 48-year-old police officer, was, “”The Old Girl Alliance”. He then stated that whether the others knew it or not, he is running the whole show!
Hantz the Evil Sock Burner wasn’t the only quotable character in the kickoff episode of Survivor’s nineteenth season. Not by a long shot.
Mike, 62-year-old personal chef, offered this pearl of wisdom, “Afro-Americans aren’t known to be swimmers.”
Ben, 28-year-old bartender and resident redneck, gave this self-assessment, “I shot and killed everything that you are allowed to in Missouri and a few things that you aren’t.”
Ashley, 22-year-old spa sales associate, opened Tribal Council with the classic, “It is what it is.”
Despite bimbette Ashley’s brilliant statement, it was Marisa from Fao Fao that was the one to hear Jeff Probst utter those fatal words, “The first person voted out of Survivor Samoa is…”
Too bad about Marisa getting the old heave-ho, she was leading in my informal “most-gelled” poll. I haven’t forgot you female Survivor Geeks; there was a Speedo sighting. I know, gross.
I should also mention that several Fellow Survivor Geeks weighed in with their early picks for Sole Survivor. FSG Cathy likes Ashley because she is from a nearby suburb in Minnesota. FSG Mary chose Laura based on her office manager skills, while FSG Jamie picked Shambo in obvious homage to last season’s Sandy. FSG Aunt Janet selected Hantz the Evil Sock Burner first, Laura second and Shambo third. Way to step out Aunt Janet!
I went with Erik based on a gut feeling. However he might have been the dude sporting the Speedos. If that’s the case, I will definitely have to change my choice. Anyways, I can’t wait until next week when things get physical. Until next time…from the booth.
4 comments:
This is going to be a good season for sure! I don't know though...now that I've seen episode 1 I may have to change my mind on my pick. I'm liking Hantz the Sock Burner! Haha! At least he keeps things lively. But honestly, I don't think he has staying power. They're already talking about not trusting him and soon enough they'll act on that get rid of him. If they don't, then he deserves to win because he is an evil genius!!
Karen Rorek posted the following on facebook:
Sorry to be so late about responding, Paul. I've had a busy week and the Survivor Opening Party was at our house tonight! The neighbors were expecting something yummy for dinner!!!
I pick Betsy the Police Office. She pegged that nasty, sock burning lard ass fairly quickly. Though to be honest, I hope he sticks around for a while for the entertainment value!!! His thoughts on women makes me think there's not a lot of women working for him back at the oil company!
It looks to be a good season!
FSG Jamie also commented via facebook.
Uhm FSGP...you need to adjust your buff. You look like your gonna rob a bank or something.
Your blog cracked me up....my husband pointed out to me with a chuckle that I am always rabidly supportive of the middle aged female crowd, even when they are kind of weird and sport mullets.
Apparently I am also dismissive and kind of mean spirited when ... it comes to all of the young blonds with big....ego's. He said if I was on Survivor Samoa I would join forces with the evil sock burner and burn bikini's. It's possible.
Go Shambo and Kathy (aka Betsy) !!
Aaaargh! This season started with a bang. I usually find the first few episodes of Survivor boring because there are just too many characters. Not this season.
This season we have a true sociopath among the lambs in Samoa. It makes me think that have slacked up about screening people. I hope that Hantz does not hurt anyone.
I can't stand Hantz, and it kills me that he could deliver on his promise to vote off Marisa.
I hope he goes home soon or I'll go crazy. If he wins this game, I am going to stop watching this show.
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