Survivor 23.10

Here’s your Official Survivor: South Pacific Recap Trilogy for week 10:

It was business as usual on Survivor tonight. The Big Three – who once thought they would be the final three – duked it out in a Redemption Island challenge where they had to balance posts on the top of their hands which was balancing a board on top of that.

Those kinds of challenges look brutal to me and dumb ol' Jim couldn't hack more than a few minutes before his Survivor adventure was snapped away from him. I thought I saw him blubber a little bit as he tossed his buff into the flames. Anyway, it was, as I said, business as usual. One more unbalanced failure out and Ozzy was the victor.

If you look up the word “ego” in the dictionary there is a picture of Ozzy right next to it. The Oz is so full of himself. He just had to brag about how well he's been eating on Redemption Island, and how rested he was getting and how strong he felt. Sheesh!

They let him go off back to Redemption mumbling all the good things about himself. The rest of the group headed back to camp where the real jockeying started.

Realizing he's only going to make it to 7^th place, Cochran started talking to Coach trying to get some reassurance that he would be kept around longer than some of the others. Coach was positively smarmy as he tried to assure Cochran but not really. In other words, he was brilliantly non-committal yet somehow fatherly.

Cochran referred to this as “drinking the Coach Kool-Aid”, which, as I recall, was something like I said in an earlier blog! Coach is Svengali despite his denials and if there is anyone on that island that doesn't know it, well…they're just stupid!

Actually, they are stupid. It kills me when they all talk about making a big move to further their game and then no one actually has the guts to do it. If Albert had stuck to his guns and they followed his plan, this would have shaken up the entire game.

Now, it's going to be awfully predictable I think. Ozzy will come back unless there is some complete freak of nature twist and he actually loses a Redemption Island challenge. He will quickly be voted off again and not get much further in the game. The rest will slowly pick each other off starting with Cochran. I think it will be Coach and Albert in the final two.

Most Awkward Moment: That strange between her legs camera shot of Dawn on the balance beam! Whew…that was something no one needed to see!

Moment I Wished Would Have Happened: I was hoping that right in the middle of doing the Coach tai-chi, he and Cochran would have broken out into a rousing rendition of the Hokey Pokey.

Question on Everyone's Mind: Who the hell is that Rick guy and what exactly is he still doing out there? I've seen tree stumps with more personality and potential to win! Sheesh!

Well tonight’s episode of Survivor won’t be one to go down in the history books. There was some half hearted talk about a blindside but it didn’t happen. It was no surprise that Dawn and Whitney were voted off, virtually eliminating the old Savaii tribe, save for Cochran. But I was able to invent a new word! It happened whilst watching Ozzy out on Redemption Island, frolicking in the sea and gleefully pretending to play the part of Robinson Crusoe.

I will give the great Oz credit where credit is due. He is just spectacular in the water. He wields that fishing spear like the mythical Triton. He’s almost amphibian. If this guy wasn’t a sea bass in a past life, I don’t know who was.  And of course there is the tree climbing and the coconut picking and the conjuring of fire out of nowhere.

If Armageddon happens, I seriously want Ozzy by my side. But that is the only way I want to spend any time with dead behind the eyes Ozzy. He just bugs me this season. He’s become so smart alecky self confident. So I was thinking “That Ozzy is sooooo cocky” and then I thought, “wow…that kinda sorta rhyme’s a little” and then it just came to me. My new word. “Cockzy”. Do with it what you will…

Here are my top ten moments from this week’s show:

#10. Coach and Cochran doing tai chi on the beach. (That was downright adorable! I told you they are my Survivor dream team… I love their budding bromance!)

#9. Cochran talking to the camera about how he was only allowing himself to take ginger sips of Coach’s Kool-Aid. Jim nailed it when he referred to Coach’s hold on his team as cult like (and that’s about the only thing Jim nailed out there!)

#8. When Cockzy almost lost the challenge at Redemption Island. His hands were moving, the poles were wavering…come on you all know you were holding your breath like I was and kind of hoping to watch it happen!

#7. Keith making the sign of the cross as he threw his buff into the fire on the way out of the game. Lotsa religion out there this year…not that there’s anything wrong with it, but I keep waiting for Pat Robertson to pop out of the foliage. 

#6. Cochran trying to balance a bowl of rice on his head during the challenge (as if)!

#5. When Albert said that Edna should be voted off because the point of the game is NOT to outorganize, outclean and outgather. She’s become the Hazel of the South Pacific!

#4. Albert’s abs.  Nuff said.

#3. The fact that Edna, who is a physician, did not know the answer to how to prevent dehydration in the wild. Please, if you live in the Los Angeles area, do NOT have any medical procedures requiring anesthesia. Sheesh…

#2. The fact that Rick still has not said a single word the entire time he has been out there. Could he end up being the only player in Survivor history to win the game without uttering a single word?

And my #1 top moment from tonight’s Survivor Episode is: If you watch the post show playback of the tribe writing down their choice for ouster, you will see that Brandon wrote down “Don”. Yes folks, I do believe he thought Dawn was a very thin, effeminate man.

Tonight’s episode started out with Benjamin (the competitor formerly known as Coach) pontificating to his minions. Jim Jones had nothing on this guy. The episode ended with next week’s coming attractions showing Benjamin declaring that he should now be referred to as “Zeus”. Got much of an ego there, son?

Squeezed in between all of Benjamin’s gut-wrenching braggadocio was some classic Survivor action. There was a Redemption Island elimination duel, an Immunity Challenge and a Tribal Council with a twist. The twist turned out to be an immediate second Immunity Challenge with a second Tribal Council to follow. Pretty good stuff.

The duel at Redemption Island was won by Ozzy, which resulted in the elimination of both Jim and Keith. Although they were eliminated, they became the first two members of the all-important jury.

In true Ozzy fashion, Ozzy made it clear to everyone that he is enjoying his solitude on Redemption Island. He is getting stronger by the day and looks forward to defeating whoever he meets in the subsequent duels. What he says is all very true, but does he have to be so cocksure about it? Sheesh…

The first Immunity Challenge consisted of maneuvering over two teeter-totters while carrying a bowl of rice on your head. It came down to Sophie, Brandon and Dawn, because basically everyone else was a bunch of uncoordinated klutzes. Especially Cochran. Sophie won Immunity, which meant Benjamin’s Cult of Seven would vote to send either Whitney or Dawn to be with Ozzy on Redemption Island.

Dawn was the victim of choice in a rather mundane Tribal Council. The twist of an immediate Immunity Challenge proved to be rather exciting. It was a Survivor general knowledge contest and it came down to Whitney and Sophie.

If Whitney could upset Sophie, Benjamin’s Cult of Seven would be in a world of hurt. They would be forced to vote off one of their own with out Benjamin instructing them whom that person would be.

It would have been sweet, but it wasn’t meant to be and Whitney was sent packing to join Ozzy and his new campmate Dawn on Redemption Island. Damn. I was momentarily disappointed. However, award-winning host Jeff Probst quickly washed away my dissatisfaction with a very sagacious observation.

With Benjamin’s Cult of Seven looking content and somewhat full of themselves, he said, “Well, the good news is the seven of you have accomplished your goal. The bad news is no where left to hide; this game is about to change.”

Probst was spot on. As I predicted last week, Benjamin’s Cult of Seven would get to the point where they will have to start eating their own. And like last week, I again hope that someone from Redemption Island can somehow upset the “family”. But I’m not counting on it.

I am going to be content watching them implode from within. And it will be glorious. Let’s see if Zeus has any lightning bolts hidden up his sleeve. Until next time…from the booth.