Survivor 23.8

Here’s your Official Survivor: South Pacific Recap Trilogy for week eight:

Holy moly, tonight's episode was a gooden! So much so that I have decided to create the First Annual Golden Survivor Awards!! Let's get to our winners:

The Most Courageous Female Award goes to Christine! She put up a good fight and took on all comers but she just couldn't manage to make a stick for the life of her. She also gets props for going out like a lady because, I tell ya, if I was here and on Redemption Island for that long only to get the heave ho just at the merge, I would have had words… choice words for each and every one of them. Even Probst!

The Don't Quit Your Day Job Award goes to Ozzy! That was the worst acting I have ever seen. His lame sputtering of how angry he was about the idol being played and it was every man for himself blabbity blah blah was so bad that literally no one bought it right from the get go. I haven't seen acting that bad since Scott Baio in Charles in Charge.

The Meaning of Life Award goes to Coach! When the merge took place, Cochran was immediately pouring out his heart and soul to Coach, telling him how horribly he had been treated by his tribe and how eager he was to switch. The little booger even had tears in his eyes.

Coach, being the pseudo Tai Master therapist he is, listened reflectively and then drew a line in the sand. I was waiting for him to hold out his hand and say, “Snatch the pebble from my hand.” But, alas, he didn't. I'm liking Coach more and more. He's got an edge to him this season that I'd not seen before.

The Wibblty Wobblty Award goes to Dawn. On the one hand, she thinks Cochran was treated badly and would love to see her tribe get a kicking. On the other hand, she wishes she had spoken up for him earlier. On another hand, she says she has no loyalty to her tribe. But on the other hand, she does. And on yet another hand, she tried to talk Cochran out of switching. I haven't seen this much flip-flopping since the last election.

The Step UP and Be A Man Award goes to… wait for it… Brandon! When stupid ol' Jim started in on Cochran after the vote at Tribal Council, Brandon pointed to him and said, “Don't you talk to him like that. That's why it came to this in the first place, talking to people like that!” Go Hantz! LOL!

Finally, The Best Player and Most Unlikely Survivor Change Up Artist goes to Cochran, of course. His flop to the other side gave us tonight's best moments. From Ozzy's smug speech and handing over of his idol to Whitney to Keith's complete look of flabbergastesness (yes, that's a word… well, now it is) – all of that was due to Cochran taking charge of his own game and standing up to the Wizard of Oz and his lemur minions.

I'm not sure what's going to happen to him from this point on though Brandon has his back as he said, “Stick close to me.” But, Cochran has made this another great season of Survivor! 

Revenge of the Nerd:

“You know, no one's really gonna to be free until nerd persecution ends.” OK, it’s a quote from the movie, but it’s true. If last weeks episode belonged to Ozzy, this week was the week of Cochran as he tried yet again to keep his feet in the game.

It all started on Redemption Island as Ozzy easily triumphed over Christine, knocking her angry self out of the game for good. Once again Ozzy proved his prowess as a physical competitor, but seriously… am I the only one who thinks that this guy has zero people skills? 

I’m not sure what it is that keeps him so solidly rooted with his tribe, because his social game is a mess! Before he took out Christine, he pathetically attempted to portray himself as the wounded outcast in an attempt to make the other tribe think that Cochran was an evil mastermind who had rooted out the immunity idol. 

His performance was reminiscent of a bad Steven Seagal role (as if that’s not bad enough on it’s own), with his fake machismo anger and the flowing man hair. Ugh!!  Ozzy makes me nauseous!!

Once Ozzy was unfortunately back in the game, the two tribes merged, and Cochran and Coach began to bond. I initially felt uneasy because I could see how my friend Coach could be drawn into the wily Cochran’s web.

But surprisingly, outcast Cochran seemed to soften within the soothing world of Coach’s everyman love and support. It will be interesting to see if and how their relationship unfolds in the coming weeks. They could be a wacky and interesting Jamie Survivor “dream team” if they joined forces!

Dawn showed her soft and emotional side again with yet another breakdown in which she lamented the plight of her poor Cochran. I mean she’s right! He has been bullied and treated from day one as the odd man out, weakling, ugly duckling by the Ozzians. I like her sensitivity, but if she’s going to take on the mother role with him, I just wish that she would encourage him to take off the sweater vest. It is really not working well in the jungle.

This week’s immunity challenge involved balance and coconuts. Edna and Cochran lasted about ten seconds, and Ozzy and Dawn won the challenge. Interestingly, after the immunity challenge there was very little interplay between the old Upolu and Savaii tribes in an attempt to gain the upper ground.

Aside from Cochran, they didn’t really try to figure out what each other was doing or thinking. Cochran attempted to do a double double agent thing with the Upolu players, but it wasn’t very effective.

In fact, if Sophie had been a little more into what he was saying to her, she would have picked up on the fact that counter to his claims on Redemption Island, Ozzy still had the hidden immunity idol. But no matter. The old Upolu weren’t having any of it anyway. 

At Tribal Council Ozzy mistakenly thought that he had figured out whom the other team would be voting for (even though he did ZERO investigation into this) and gave Whitney his immunity idol. What a dufus!

The former teams initially split their votes evenly between whiney Keith and strange cowboy Rick. It looked like it might “go to the rocks” with a split tie vote, but then they voted again and Cochran was the only proactive player who was savvy enough to switch his vote in an effort to stop them from all being vulnerable by picking rocks to see who would go home!

Keith was voted off and his former Savaii tribe mates were pisssssed offffff!!  Jim looked like he was going to beat Cochran up. Thankfully, tough guy Brandon jumped right in to defend him, which made me fleetingly like clueless loser Brandon.

I admit I was rooting for the nerd this week. Cochran can be annoying, he stinks at challenges and I HATE his sweater vest, but I admire his tenacity. He’s got a long way to go, and he may get his ass kicked when they get back to camp, but I love a good misfit. Truth be told, Cochran may have guaranteed himself second place with tonight’s move. Who better to take to the final than Cochran?  Take that, Ozzy!

The night began with everything going precisely according to Ozzy’s crazy, harebrained scheme. It was uncanny! When everyone was invited to observe his Redemption Island Duel with Christine, you just knew there was going to be a merge. And there was. Then before the Duel began, Probst announced that the winner would not stay at Redemption Island, but would return to the game.

Of course the Wizard of Oz easily defeated Christine in the Duel. He  looked like a genius when Probst informed her that her adventure had come to an end and sent her packing. His plan was working to perfection.

There was only small glitch preventing Ozzy’s plan from being a total success. He is a horrible actor. Terrible. I would go as far as saying he sucks theatrically. I’m talking Jim Belushi bad.

No one from the Upolu tribe bought his performance as he portrayed Cochran as an evil genius that outsmarted him and sent him to Redemption Island. They were snickering about it before the Duel started and were doubled up in laughter by the time they got back to camp.

It is very apropos that new name of the merged tribe was Te Tuna because Cochran would soon become Chicken of the Sea. When they returned to camp, first Coach “counseled” him and then Sophie took over. They told the nebbish Cochran that he didn’t have to pushed around by the bullies from his old Savaii tribe.

It was abundantly clear to this veteran Survivor Geek that the pitifully timid Cochran was going to flip. It would only be a matter of time before he would make like Judas of Iscariot. And he didn’t even get thirty pieces of silver.

The only thing that prolonged the inevitable was the Individual Immunity Challenge where there would be both a female and male winner. When former Savaii tribe mates Ozzy and Dawn won immunity, Cochran’s betrayal was made a tad more difficult.

Before Tribal Council, Cochran was seeking reassurance from the former Upolu tribe members that they would protect him after the double-cross. Come on, if you’re going to defect, grow a set. What a namby-pamby.

I have to give him some credit. He didn’t flip until the second vote was taken after the first one ended in a tie. It did, however, appear that he soiled himself when Probst was reading the final votes.

After Keith was voted off to Redemption Island, Jim began to repeatedly call the trembling Cochran a coward. Finally, comic relief was provided as the 5’4” Brandon Hantz came forward to protect the defector. Based on the coming attractions for next week, Brandon better stick close to Cochran because Whitney wants a piece of his scrawny ass.

All I know is that I can’t wait for next Wednesday, this stuff is getting good.

Until next time…from the booth.