The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Sorry if I caught the attention of Clint Eastwood fans, but this isn’t about spaghetti westerns. Not by a long shot. Today’s column is about current NFL uniforms. The idea for this came when I read Jim Stingl’s JSOnline article about a Milwaukee marketing executive kicking around the idea of changing the Green Bay Packers’ logo. Then I saw the Seattle Seahawks new uniforms. After briefly vomiting in my mouth, I decided to write.

First I made a list of all 32 NFL teams, complete with brief remarks on their current uniforms. Please notice the emphasis on current. The reason for this is because several teams used to sport classic, good-looking uniforms. But with the present-day need for constant modification, that has all changed. Today, NFL uniforms fall into three basic categories.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Allow me to describe each of the classifications before revealing my three lists. Hopefully this will help you to understand why I feel the way I do. Rest assured that I am fully qualified, having graduated from Gateway Technical College’s Graphic Design program with Presidential honors and being a NFL fan for well over 45 years.

The Good category features classic, uncluttered uniforms, whose colors are complimentary, yet provide contrast at the same time. Well thought-out striping and style of number are also crucial elements. Less is often more.

Bad is just what it says…Bad! Although not as putrid as an Ugly uniform, the Bad ones have serious faults. Whether it is atrocious color combinations, funky numbers or just poor design, these uniforms don’t have what it takes to make the Good list.

Finally the Ugly. When compiling my lists I discovered that the uniforms I considered Ugly had one of two fatal flaws. I shudder to tell you that a few had them both. One defect is the monochromatic look, the same color used for jersey and pants. A 350-pound lineman doesn’t look good in a unitard. The second foible is extra “stuff” all over the uniform. More often than not, this comes in the form of stripes down the side of the jersey.

With that in mind, here are the lists.

The Good: Green Bay Packers, Kansas City Chiefs, New York Giants, Indianapolis Colts, New York Jets, Chicago Bears, Oakland Raiders, Washington Redskins and Dallas Cowboys.

The Bad: Philadelphia Eagles, San Francisco 49ers, St. Louis Rams, New Orleans Saints, Detroit Lions, Cleveland Browns, Pittsburgh Steelers, Miami Dolphins, New England Patriots, San Diego Chargers and Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

The Ugly: Minnesota Vikings, Seattle Seahawks, Arizona Cardinals, Atlanta Falcons, Carolina Panthers, Tennessee Titans, Jacksonville Jaguars, Denver Broncos, Cincinnati Bengals, Baltimore Ravens, Buffalo Bills and Houston Texans.

It should be noted that several teams could very easily move from Bad to Good by going back to their “old” uniforms. Teams like Pittsburgh, San Francisco, Detroit and Miami are prime examples. If Pittsburgh were to lose the Futura Condensed font with their numbers, their uniforms are Good.

One last caveat. If San Diego should choose to use the powder-blue jersey on a consistent basis, they too would be in the Good category. Unfortunately, I think they still use the navy blue occasionally. Too Bad.

Once again, I apologize to the Clint Eastwood fans for misleading you with the title of this column. But now that I think about it, the serape Clint wore in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly had a better look to it than the uniforms worn by 23 of the NFL teams. Until next time…from the booth.