Thursday, December 3, 2009

Sickness Will Surely Take The Mind…

Back in 1968 when Pete Townshend and The Who wrote the rock opera Tommy, I doubt that they had ever imagined a television show called Survivor. And I guarantee they never envisioned a mullet-coiffed, 45-year-old ex-marine named Shambo. But somehow, some way, when they penned the song “Amazing Journey”, it was for Shannon “Shambo” Waters from Renton, Washington. You don’t believe me? Check out these lyrics:

Sickness will surely take the mind

Where minds can't usually go.

Come on the amazing journey

And learn all you should know.

Okay, granted she hasn’t learned a whole lot to date, but that mind is definitely going places that minds don’t usually go. And she has been on one hell of an amazing journey!

Perhaps Shambo got by the first 27 days being the loveable loser with the magnificent mullet. She was the proverbial square peg in a round hole. However, after tonight’s episode of Survivor Samoa, the girl is just certifiably crazy.

Either that, or she is tripping.

Yes, that must be it; she’s tripping on some sort of mind-altering, surreal trip just on the outskirts of reality. That would explain her constant irrational behavior. Or the incessant deer-in-the-headlights look she possesses.

And I know just what induced this bizarre journey she has embarked upon.

It was the $240 plate of Sea Noodles and Slug Guts that she won at the Survivor Food Auction held at the beginning of the show. Obviously, when you ingest this concoction, when topped with an ample sprinkling of parmesan cheese, your mind goes “where minds can’t usually go”.

This has to be the explanation for her unorthodox behavior and her inability to deal with reality. It has to be! No one else ate this putrid combination. The others fared much better at the auction.

The scrumptious Natalie had a $200 peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Monica enjoyed a $340 roasted chicken and McDreamy noshed on a huge cheeseburger and fries that cost him $500. Even John’s $300 slice of apple pie was a much better reward.

Yes, Shambo’s entrĂ©e has to be the culprit. What else could have caused the clairvoyant dream where God told her that Dave must be the next to go at Tribal Council? That dream sequence even blew my mind.

It had to be the Sea Noodles and Slug Guts Parmesan.

Although she did say she had that type of dream 30 times previously. And there is that humongous mullet. And she talked to those stupid chickens before she ate that mind-expanding meal.

Whether it was a psychedelic meal or just being nutty as a fruitcake, Shambo made Jeff Probst shake his head and question her sanity at Tribal Council. After seeing Shambo do a double take when Russell, the Hall of Famer said that today was “completely strategic”, Probst’s eyes bugged out and asked incredulously, “How is it possible that you are shocked to learn that people are scrambling to stay in the game?”

Shambo mumbled something about wanting someone who deserved the million dollars to win. The rest of the sane people at Tribal Council just shook their heads in disbelief. She had no clue.

This was made even more evident when her face twisted in astonishment when John was the one voted out. Jury member Laura summed it up when she whispered, “She has no idea what happened.” She was spot on. Shambo was the only person, besides John himself, not to cast their vote for John.

The girl just doesn’t get it. But The Who certainly did. Sickness will surely take the mind where minds can't usually go. Until next time…from the booth.


Karen said...

HOLY CRAP. Just when you think it can't get any better-IT DOES.
Yes, I have begun to really question Shambo and her connection to her reality...whatever that is these days. She was totally out of the loop-or maybe just plain looped, when it came to who everyone was voting for. Russell continues to entertain and fly under the radar.
Paul, your re-cap was spot on and absoulutely a riot. I read it to my daughter and we laughed outloud. I have to use great restraint to keep from reading it before watching the show-again, the 3 hour time difference. Looking forward to the next installment. K.

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Thanks for your kind words Karen, I am glad you and your daughter enjoy my somewhat wacky take on Survivor. I enjoy writing them.

I am a bit worried about next week's episode. It looks like the Hall of Famer might be in trouble…

Thanks again!

Sue said...

Do not need to use the imagination after reading this. Sounds like her 'meal' has had some sort of effect on her (was going to say 'lucy in the sky with diamonds' but after reading again perhaps not!). To next week.....

Leplume said...

It keeps getting better and better. Shambo's greatest line was when she said, with a straight face, that she was in charge there now. HAHAHAHA!!! Totally, gloriously clueless. I love her.

I think ol' Russell's gonna be just fine. He'll come up with a way out of whatever it is they're trying to do to him. And he still has one idol left, doesn't he? I thought he did. He's had so many now I've lost count!

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Yes, it sure is getting good. I wish you could see it over there Sue!

I hope you are right Mary! Russell is too good!

camilynn said...


Good one on Sickness Will Surely Take The Mind….I recently found out 1 million children are accidentally poisoned in their homes each year.And also I did find the toxins we use in our home here think it's time we all know about the toxins we use.


Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Uh, thank you very much Camilynn…