Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Survivor 25.2

Here is the Official Survivor: Philippines Recap Trilogy for week two:

 I'm going to start by saying that I have a good feeling about this season already. After just these two episodes I am eagerly awaiting to see what happens next, which I can honestly say, I rarely felt last season! So, it was with that sense of anticipation that I sat down to watch Survivor: Philippines tonight.

The night started with Russell Swan, realizing he was an asshat last week, stating that he has decided to “step back” and not take the spotlight. Then, of course, he proceeded to take the spotlight again. The man cannot help himself!

But, he was not the main focus of the night. No, the growing bitterness between Roxy and Angie with Malcolm in the middle took on that position early. Roxy got a bit jealous when she saw Angie and Malcolm cuddling. She cleverly called it Angie's “booby trap”! And she made no bones about making sure she told everyone else in Matsing that two people together was always a threat. This became the main theme of the night.

There were some goings on at the other tribes – Lisa feeling on the outs and not fitting in, Penner crashing around camp and finally finding the Hidden Immunity Idol he was looking for. I had to laugh at how he kept saying “right under my nose” about a thousand times before he finally realized what that meant.

Abi lost her mind a little on RC when her inner paranoia kicked in and she started to doubt her allegiance. She even threatened her a little! And then there was RC. I'm going to pause here for a moment while Paul composes himself. (She was wearing that leopard bikini to within an inch of its life tonight and I swear I could hear Paul panting all the way over here…)

The Immunity/Reward Challenge was a good one. There was a large sled that had to be dragged by two people to a pile of puzzle pieces which then had to be dragged back again – three times – before the puzzles could be completed.

Matsing struggled right from the get go. Once again, the people on the Matsing tribe proved they have no idea what this game is all about. Angie, to whom Russell Swan referred to as “that boob thing going on, they're poppin' up all over the place”, just flat out announced that she wasn't really into the challenge. Roxy followed suit by claiming “I didn't drink enough water today so it would be crazy to have me do this.” So, Russell Swan and Angie ended up having to run it twice.

Now, here’s the thing, Angie may have been horrible but at least she openly admitted it! Russell Swan, on the other hand, puts on a good show at playing like he's athletic, but the truth is, he's a clumsy oaf who is as much responsible for their constant losses as the rest of them. He just puts on a good show afterwards as he blusters and cusses and make LOUD proclamations about how “these folks haven't decided they're unbeatable yet!” Oh, so that's what it takes… just decide you're unbeatable and you win! I wish I would have known that before!

Another thing to note at this challenge was just another reason for Paul to drool… RC decided to wear knee high leg warmers with her teeny bikini. Yes, leg warmers. I'm half sure that next week she'll be toddling around the islands in her high heels and fish net stockings. Sheesh!

At Tribal, Roxy did her level best to shine that “twosome is a bad thing” spotlight on Malcolm and Angie. I thought for a second that Angie sealed her own fate when Probst asked her “what one thing would you change on this tribe?” and she answered, “We'd get cookies??” Yes, she did. She said that. I wasn't sure if I should go “awwww how sweet” or “WTF??” Is she that stupid? Is she all booby trap and no brain? Could be.

But, in the end, it was Roxy who got the boot and, you know what? I'm kind of glad. She was getting on my nerves. See, that's how I would vote if I were on Survivor. Who is getting on my nerves… You? OUT!! Sometimes I wish I could do that in real life! Ah, dreams…

 I’m back from vaca and ready to dive into Survivor world. Some changes are afoot this season. First and foremost we now have 3 “mini-tribes” rather than two. That's a big twist! Is it just me or do things move mighty fast in the rain soaked islands off the Philippines? The start of the show focused heavily on Paul’s newest hot chick favorite, Investment Banker "RC".

I just sat back to watch the drama unfold as she figured out the clue was in the rice and then made the mistake of telling Abi-Maria, who looks cute and petite but has some gangsta swagger thing going on. She shared the clue with bestie Abi, who then immediately turned on her. The problem? RC apparently has a thing for older guys (take note PV) and was attempting to bond with accident-prone Michael, who will surely be medivac’d out again soon.

But the thing that jumped out at me is the fact that RC is already wearing her underwire bra. On day five!!  It is wayyyyy too early to be prancing around in your unders missie! And what is with the leopard print panties?  You are NOT going to be accepted back on Wall Street!

In other Tandang news we learned that former “Facts of Life” actress Lisa Whelchel is shy.  And lonely.  And tearful.  And was on the Mickey Mouse Club.  It’s day FIVE Lisa. It is too soon to become an outcast. Toughen up chick!!

Over on Kalabaw, Alan Alda doppelganger Jonathan built a still and started swilling homemade hootch. Oh no…wrong show. He was obsessed with finding that hidden idol. I don’t want to brag or anything but I seriously knew where it was the whole time. Ok, ok… the camera had lingered a bit too long on the top of the rice box a couple of times but STILL (pun).

Jonathan finally had his Oprah ah hahhh moment whilst bathing in the sea and found the idol. Way to go Jonathan. I kind of like him. Maybe because I keep thinking he’s an army trauma surgeon.

But the real action was taking place over on the beleaguered Matsing tribe where formerly faint Russell is holding court. Matsing is also the current home to MY favorite player thus far, sex therapist Denise. She is smart. She can analyze others. Love her.

It is also home to Malcolm and Angie, who is a very pretty girl but not useful and definitely ditzy. Over a five day period she and Malcolm became comfortable enough that they were spooning, cuddling and by some reports groping. Talk about speed dating. This behavior did not sit well with their teammates, especially righteous Roxy.

Russell had some awesome lines, including ”get your bang on somewhere else” and “wack that thing down real quick”. But either way, their early days cuddlefest put some big targets on their backs. Well the targets for Angie are on her front and they are big, but that's not the point…

At the Immunity Challenge once again Matsing sucked. Mostly because of Angie, her twins and Roxy, who is angry AND religious (a dangerous combination in my book). They lost again, which wasn’t surprising. Russell was angry!

Off to tribal council they all went yet again and lo and behold it appears that Jeff Probst has a trained pet snake that is now making a weekly TV appearance.

Roxy started off by throwing her indignation at the late night shenanigans going on around her in an attempt to throw Angie under the bus. I finally understood the term “boobie trap”. Roxy laid it out and it wasn’t hard to do because Angie basically lay down in the road with the best line of the night; when asked what is needed around camp, rather than talking about teamwork, cooperation, relationships or any of those other pesky issues she said she wanted cookies.


Then her would be lover Malcolm tried to stick up for her cookie desires, but it kind of fell flat. It’s day FIVE people!!!!! Ok no… now it’s day SIX. You do NOT need cookies. Or love! Or friends!! I was thinking Angie and her assets were a goner but I was wrong. Roxy is a troublemaker and annoying and her angry self got voted off.

Will Lisa find her mojo?  Will Michael get injured again? (yes) Will Malcolm and Angie engage in more nighttime highjinks in a bold act of defiance?  Or will they sneak off into the jungle to become the next Rob and Ambah?? This is better than my soap!

Can’t wait until next week.

 Apparently it rains a lot in the Philippines. A lot. A whole lot. That point was emphasized quite a bit. Like for the entire first half of the show. Over and over again. Repeatedly. Okay, we get it. These people are miserable. The conditions are rotten. It’s cold and wet. But thirty straight minutes of it? We get it. Honest.

I suppose that there were a few other things happening during the beginning of the episode.

Over at the Matsing camp, it was so cold and rainy that Malcolm and Angie began snuggling at night to provide each other with warmth. Malcolm was determined to keep it platonic. He even told himself, “don’t get booty-blinded.” Ya, right. A 20-year-old blonde beauty queen with massive implants. Like Roxie said, “it’s a booby trap.”

Speaking of booty and boobies, at the Tandang camp the voluptuous RC found the clue for their Hidden Immunity Idol. She promptly let Abi know that she had it. I’m not sure if that was such a good move. After Abi saw RC talking to Mike, she pulled RC aside and told her, “if you f#ck with me you are dead!” I guess I can hope for a catfight…

At camp Kalabaw, Penner did RC one better. Not only did he have their Hidden Immunity Idol clue, he used it to find the Idol. He found it when the rest of his tribe were in a cave listening to Jeff tell the others about the three home runs he hit in the 2002 World Series for the Giants.

Oh ya, there was one other significant thing that happened right at the end of the first half of the show. When it finally stopped raining and the sun came out, Russell, Denise and Roxy were sitting on the beach enjoying the warmth. Roxy began praying in tongues. This confused Russell and pissed off Denise. She made it pretty clear that she didn’t need no stinkin’ prayers for help. Anything she accomplished would be of her own doing.

The Immunity/Reward Challenge finally brought some much-needed action to the show. Want to know what they were playing for? The tribe that finished first not only won Immunity, but also blankets, pillows and a tarp. Second place would win Immunity and a tarp. Third place would receive a severe tongue lashing from Jeff Probst at Tribal Council.

It was pretty much a forgone conclusion that Matsing would finish last. Before the challenge even began Angie and Roxy were both whining about not wanting to do it. Angie mumbled something about it being too hard (the challenge, not Malcolm) and Roxy said she didn’t drink enough water.

True to form, Matsing lost for the second time in as many weeks and were forced to vote one of their tribe off at Tribal Council. It was fairly obvious that it would come down to Angie or Roxie. Angie was an air-headed bimbo and Roxy was lazy and had the audacity to pray in tongues on the beach.

At Tribal Council it didn’t take much for Probst to get things going. He asked Roxy and Angie the same question – “if you could change one thing, what would it be?”

Roxy said she would like to see the tribe work less around camp. Probst seemed a little surprised. But not as surprised as when Angie answered with a big smile, “ we would get cookies!” Malcolm quickly agreed with his snuggle-buddy. A befuddled Probst gave them a “really?” look and basically told them they were idiots.

In the end wanting cookies won out over being lazy and praying in tongues. The vote was unanimous to send Roxy off the island. Evidently Denise and Russell didn’t mind the blooming romance between Malcolm and Angie. Like Russell said, “I can’t blame Malcolm wanting a little slap and tickle.”

Before you go, make sure you vote on whom you would have voted off this week. Until next time…from the booth.

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