Friday, March 28, 2014

The News

Here’s the Friday News from the booth:

Dateline Racine, Wisconsin. My dear mother, Milly Vagnoni, hits it big playing bingo at the Roma Lodge last night. She won one game by herself and split another for a grand total of $112.50. Armed guards escorted Vagnoni and her associates, Maryann Behling and Debbie Snowtala to their car with her loot. It was the first time Vagnoni had won anything since sometime in 2013. She only smiled when asked on what she planned to spend her winnings.

Dateline Highland Park, Illinois. A new “Flash” craze was born Thursday afternoon. Seemingly out of nowhere, Patty 4-Names organized an impromptu “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” viewing party on Facebook. The response was unprecedented. The total number of viewers is still being tallied. No word from 4-Names on what cinematic treasure will be next.

Dateline Hoddson Hants, England: Christine Tulley is organizing the famous Taylor Sisters and their families in a Race For Life event. They would be participating to honor their sister Sue Symes who lost her battle with cancer September 30, 2013. The tentative date is May 18 in Harlow. Details to follow as they become available.

Local Weather: Today – Clouds breaking, brisk and chilly. High 44°/Low 24°. Saturday – Partly sunny and chilly. High 40°/Low 24°. Sunday – Sunny, breezy and warmer. High 55°/Low 38°. Monday – Mostly cloudy, rain possible; breezy. High 56°/Low 29°.

Celebrity Birthdays: Conchata Ferrell – 71, Ken Howard – 70, Dianne West – 66, Reba McEntire – 59, Bart Conner – 56, Salt – 48, Tracey Needham – 47, Rodney Atkins – 45, Vince Vaughn – 44, Julia Stiles – 33 and Lady Gaga – 28.

Sports: The Brewers, Cubs and White Sox all open their seasons on Monday. A bit of prognostication from the booth:

NL Central
1. St. Louis Cardinals
2. Milwaukee Brewers*
3. Pittsburgh Pirates
4. Cincinnati Reds
5. Chicago Cubs

*Wild Card

AL Central
1. Detroit Tigers
2. Cleveland Indians
3. Kansas City Royals
4. Chicago White Sox
5. Minnesota Twins

Friday’s Funny:

At the end of Mass, Father O’Hara told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To better help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, Father O’Hara asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had ready Mark 17. Every hand shot up in the air.

Father O’Hara smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

BREAKING NEWS! Reliable sources are reporting that “More Kenosha Softball” will now be available at RK News on 75th Street in Kenosha. This is in addition to the Kenosha History Center. You can still arrange a personal book signing by calling (262) 671-4251.

Until next time…from the booth.

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