What The Hell…

Now that the disgusting taste of “I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!” is nearly out my mouth, I feel the need to write about something upbeat and fun. Something that doesn’t make me want to regurgitate and stick needles into my eyeballs, like that show did. With very little “quality” television to choose from, I have decided to go with my ace in the hole – Softball!

I can’t help it help it, having spent so much of my life associated with softball; I have a multitude of memories from which to draw from for columns. The trio that I posted prior to the series I did on that show should have made this abundantly evident to you.

Hopefully you found Happy 25th Anniversary Play Ball, A Tip of the Cap and What's in a Nickname? somewhat entertaining, because I am again writing about softball today.

Ironically, the inspiration for this piece came from a comment made Tuesday about my recent softball articles. Kenosha softball vet Larry Hess left many kind words on his son Steve’s facebook page. Included in Larry’s message was the following, “Paul your writings about softball "From the Booth" are really neat. Brings back many old memories.”

Larry’s message brought back one of my all-time favorite softball recollections. It involved an all-star game, a no-show, some shrinking violets and a gutsy volunteer.

This particular all-star game took place on a muggy July night in the mid ‘80s at Finney’s West. I was managing the Thursday League all-stars in the 8:00 pm showcase against our counterparts from the Tuesday League.

Around 7:45 pm I began nervously scouring the crowded parking lot, looking for my pitcher, Danny Llanas. Please keep in mind that I was always anxious waiting for my 400 Club players to show up for a regular league game. That was my normal disposition before a game. But this was the all-star game! Where was my pitcher?!?

Then I remembered. Llanas had a 14” City League game at 6:00 pm prior to the game at Finney’s West. Evidently, that 14” game went into “extra innings” and he was a no-show for the all-star game.

Now it was even closer to game time and the announcer was calling me to bring my lineup up to the booth. What was I going to do? I had no pitcher! I had the finest infielders and outfielders from Kenosha on my squad, but not one of them was a pitcher. I had to do something.

I gathered my crew together. I looked around and saw some of the best young athletes in Kenosha ever assembled in one group. I looked into their eyes, explained the situation and basically begged for one of them to step forward and take the mound and represent our league in the all-star game.

The response to my plea was silence.

I asked again, imploring one of these star jocks to toe the rubber, to do it for the team. I was greeted with a whole lot of downward glances and the shuffling of feet. I did hear a few mutters of, “Not me. Are you crazy?” and “Don’t look at me. No way.” Thanks guys. I was crestfallen.

Then when things couldn’t look any grimmer, I heard a voice from behind me utter, “What the hell…I’ll do it. It can’t be that hard.” I spun around as fast as a man my size could to see who was volunteering to bail the team and I out. Who did I see?

Super Sports infielder Larry Hess, that’s who.

Allow me to provide a quick thumbnail of Larry for those of you who don’t know him. At that point of his career, he could best be described as a “grizzled veteran”, typically sporting a three-day-old beard. He had 20 years more experience than most of these other all-stars and was no longer in top physical condition.

But the man loved to play softball and his level of play had earned him a spot on the Thursday League all-star team. None of those finely tuned young studs would “man-up” and he was the only one with enough guts to take the mound against the Tuesday League all-stars. Larry pitched a fine game and, although I do not remember the score, we won the game.

Thanks Larry for the nice compliments earlier. And thanks for saying, “What the hell…” twenty-five years ago. Until next time…from the booth.