Friday, April 8, 2011

Sports Czar – Part 1

Sports are on fire right now. At the moment, you have Major League Baseball underway with both the National Hockey League and the National Basketball Association regular seasons winding down as teams jockey for playoff spots. If that’s not enough for you, the Masters Golf Tournament is going on and the National Football League is in court attempting to get it’s Collective Bargaining Agreement problems settled. So, with a veritable cornucopia of sports to feast upon, you would think that I would be satisfied. But I’m not, there is something lacking.

I want to be the Sports Czar.

That’s right, I want to be the Sports Czar. I want to control all of sports. I want sports to be the way I want them to be.

Well, not all sports, just the four major sports in North America. I’m not that power hungry.

My first act as Sports Czar would be to contract and move teams in each of the four sports. Next, I would adjust the number of regular season games played along with the playoff setup. Finally, I would change some rules and procedures currently in place.

A lot of my moves wouldn’t be popular among the unwashed masses, but what do care? After all, I am the Sports Czar.

The first league that I will “improve” is the National Hockey League. Eighteen teams would be immediately contracted, leaving a total of 12.

Here is the new NHL:

Boston Bruins
Montreal Canadiens
New York Rangers
Philadelphia Flyers
Pittsburgh Penguins
Toronto Maple Leafs

Chicago Blackhawks
Colorado Avalanche
Detroit Red Wings
Los Angeles Kings
Minnesota North Stars
St. Louis Blues

The season will be shortened to a total of 54 games. Teams will play the five teams in their own division six times and the six in the other division four times.

The playoffs will consist of the top four teams in each division playing best of seven series; one vs. four and two vs. three. The winners will play for the divisional championships. The divisional champs will square off in the Stanley Cup Finals.

Initially, the only other thing I will change is the way regular season games are decided. When a game is tied at the end of regulation, there will be a 5-minute sudden death overtime period. If the score is still tied at the end of the overtime, the game is a tie. No shootouts.

Wins, whether in regulation or overtime, will be worth 2 points to a team in the standings. Teams that tie will receive 1 point. Overtime losses get teams nothing.

That’s how my NHL will look. Here is how my National Basketball Association will shape up.

Once again, there will be a major contraction of teams. Fourteen teams will be eliminated, making the NBA a sixteen-team league under my tutelage.

Here is what it will look like:

Eastern Conference

East Coast
Boston Celtics
New York Knickerbockers
Philadelphia 76ers
Washington Bullets

Chicago Bulls
Detroit Pistons
Milwaukee Bucks
Indiana Pacers

Western Conference

Houston Rockets
Atlanta Hawks
San Antonio Spurs
Phoenix Suns

West Coast
Golden State Warriors
Portland Trail Blazers
Seattle Super Sonics
Los Angeles Lakers

The number of games in my NBA will be greatly reduced, because I really don’t like pro basketball anymore.

Teams will play teams in their division six times, the other teams in their conference four times and the teams outside of their division twice. This makes a total of 50 games.

Playoffs would be similar to the setup I have for my NHL. In each conference, the top two teams in each division will be in. Again, the one vs. four and two vs. three format will be used with the winners playing for the conference championships. Conference winners will vie for the NBA Championship.

I can’t think of any other changes that I would make right away. Like I said, I really don’t care for the NBA.

Take 24 hours to digest these somewhat radical changes. Tomorrow, in Sports Czar – Part 2, I will present what I have done to Major League Baseball.

Until next time…from the booth.


KroreK said...

No shootouts? :(

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Sorry Karen, but I am Sports Czar. Shootouts, while exciting for the fans, don't seem fair to the teams. You don't see NBA games decided by a free throw contest or NFL games decided by a field goal kicking contest.

KroreK said...

Starting to understand the Russian Revolution!

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

That's scary, Karen!

Anonymous said...

Did you address women's pro basketball? I was too drunk to remember. I like women, and I like basketball, but I don't like women's basketball. As my nephew says, when it comes to hockey and women's basketball, there seems to be a correlation - it's an accident when they score. I don't know. I herded 10 spotted cows tonight and JP rustled 2 others. Damn him. If I don't somehow find 10K votes for Kloppenburg in my backyard over the weekend, it's going to be a long 10 years. Asti la vista spumante.
Kool Papa

Anonymous said...

The Atlanta Hawks should be the St. Louis Hawks. Short of that, they should revert to the Milwaukee Hawks - their original franchise. That whole Bucks thing isn't working for us.

BP at the Moose at 10AM.

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Kool Papa,

Did JP come off the top rope on anyone or climb the centerfield fence?

I have to get going, I have votes to count…