Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Special Agent My Ass


SPECIAL AGENT PHIL
Typically my Survivor recap blogs are written with my tongue placed firmly in cheek, trying to get a laugh. That’s not the case tonight.  What took place on Survivor: Redemption Island really pissed me off. The episode started out in fairly standard fashion. Matt was praying on Redemption Island while the former members of Zapatera, Julie, Steve and the Furry Farmer, were lamenting their inevitable demise and Special Agent Phil was acting crazy. Oops, did I say crazy or did I mean the “N-word”?

Special Agent my ass.

Here’s the Reader’s Digest version of how a war over rice turned into a full-blown race war.

Due to the fact that there were only three left from the former Zapatera tribe, Julie, Steve and the Furry Farmer had an abundant supply of rice and were stuffing their faces with it. Why not?

This irritated Special Agent Phil greatly. So much so, that after throwing a bizarre tantrum, he announced that he was gonna steal Zapatera’s rice when they weren’t looking.

Special Agent my ass.

Before he could pull off his covert mission, one of Rob’s bimbos discovered that the former Ometepe tribe’s supply of rice had become contaminated with maggots. Survivor karma, perhaps?

After removing the maggots as best as they could, Special Agent Phil approached Steve and Julie to explain what was going on with the Ometepe rice. He then asked if it would be okay to put their rice in with the Zapatera rice.

After about 10 seconds of deliberation, Steve told him that he didn’t think it was a good idea. This refusal ignited yet another Special Agent outburst of temper.

After listening to all he could, Steve, with a look of amazement on his face told Special Agent Phil that he was crazy. That’s when all hell broke loose.

Long story short, Special Agent Phil equated Steve calling him crazy (which he is) with calling him the “N-word”. And he expressed this fact in a very demonstrative fashion. I’m surprised the Reverend Jesse Jackson wasn’t flown in. Even his own tribe was appalled with this disgusting exhibition.

Special Agent my ass.

This blatant playing of the race card compelled the usually stoic Julie to steal the Special Agent’s swimming shorts. She took them into the woods, dug a hole, buried them and covered them with a large rock. By doing so, he was left with only his pink panties to wear.

Despite the Special Agent’s stomach-churning display, I knew that Rob would not permit his faithful minions to vote to banish him to Redemption Island. I just knew it.

Rob’s trio of bimbos continued expressing their utter abhorrence for him and host Jeff Probst acted astonished as he forced us to relive every nauseating moment at Tribal Council.

Yes, Producer Mark Burnett did his very best to make you think that everyone had had enough of Special Agent Phil’s outlandish antics. They wanted us to believe he was going to be voted off to Redemption Island. But I knew better, there was no way.

And I was right. Rob’s mob kept the Special Agent and sent Julie packing off to Redemption Island to join Matt and Mike. However, before leaving, she left him with a parting shot. Leaning down, she told Phil, “Guess you’re never gonna find your shorts.”

Special Agent my ass.

Time is running out on my Leave It To Beaver poll, so vote if you haven’t already done so. Until next time…from the booth.

4 comments:

sue said...

Oh my goodness - a Special Agent my ass - especially in his pink pants. Yuk yuk yuk.

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

It's not pretty, Sue!

Gregory (Greg) P Turco said...

Everyone is sick of Phil, especially me. He is playing into Rob's hands. He'll be the first member of Rob's tribe sent shipping once the Zapatera guys are done.

The internet says he worked for the Defense Investigative Service.

Leplume said...

Rob's no dummy! The more people Special Agent My Ass pisses off or just plain annoys means no votes for him if Rob takes him to the final. But I don't think that's going to happen. Sooner or later, one of these bumble heads is going to get wise and realize they have to get rid of Rob. It's the only way any of them will survive.

Pinkundy Phil is as crazy as they come! He's fun to watch because you never know what he'll do next!