Saturday, April 9, 2011

Sports Czar – Part 2

This is day two of being Sports Czar, as I continue my control of the four major sports leagues in North America. In Sports Czar – Part 1, I made some fairly comprehensive changes to the National Hockey League and the National Basketball Association. Both saw a dramatic reduction in the number of teams participating in their respective leagues. Also, much to the chagrin of FSG Karen, I changed the manner in which the NHL decides their regular season games. Playoff formats were altered in both leagues, reducing the number of teams participating and therefore the number of rounds necessary to determine a champion.

In the second day of my reign as Sports Czar, I tackle Major League Baseball. Because of MLB’s storied history, the “improvements” I make will seem shocking and scandalous to some. Nonetheless, as Sports Czar, I cannot be concerned with public reaction.

As with the NHL and NBA, it is also necessary to pare the amount of teams in baseball. Six teams were eradicated, leaving 24 that are divided into two conferences featuring two divisions each.

The Sports Czar’s new MLB alignment:

Frick Conference

Baltimore Orioles
Boston Red Sox
New York Mets
New York Yankees
Philadelphia Phillies
Pittsburgh Pirates

Atlanta Braves
Cincinnati Reds
Houston Astros
Kansas City Royals
St. Louis Cardinals
Texas Rangers

Kuhn Conference

Chicago Cubs
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Detroit Tigers
Milwaukee Brewers
Minnesota Twins

California Angels
Los Angeles Dodgers
Oakland Athletics
San Diego Padres
San Francisco Giants
Seattle Mariners

Pretty wild having the Mets and Yankees and the Cubs and White Sox in the same divisions, huh? I realize these are drastic changes, but they had to be made. However, contraction and realignment is only the beginning of the draconian adjustments that I have made.

The amount of games played will be greatly reduced, lopping thirty games off of the current schedule for a new total of 132. No more starting the season in March and ending it in early November. That sort of tomfoolery is a thing of the past.

Teams will play the teams in their own division twelve times, the other conference teams six times and the teams outside of their conference 3 times.

The playoff picture under my leadership would be as follows: in each conference, the top two teams in each division are in. There will be a best of seven series, with the one vs. four and two vs. three format being used. The winners will go on to play for the conference championships, with conference winners playing in the World Series.

The rule changes are simple. No designated hitters and no instant replays. Plain and simple, neither have a place in Major League Baseball.

There is one other thing I would do away with. The mythological “unwritten rules” of baseball would also be a thing of the past. If it isn’t in the rulebook, don’t piss and moan about it. Take that, Tony LaRussa and Cardinal nation, you bunch of red asses.

Those are the enhancements that I, as Sports Czar, have made to Major League Baseball. I am submitting this blog early to give myself plenty of time to work on the NFL. That one will be a tough nut to crack.

Until next time…from the booth.

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