Thursday, May 19, 2011

NBA Stays In Wisconsin

Recently there has been a lot of talk about the Milwaukee Bucks needing a new arena. Evidently the 23-year-old Bradley Center is antiquated and no longer measures in what is the rarified air of the NBA. There has even been talk of continuing the controversial “Miller Park” tax in an effort to build a new home for the Bucks. I honestly don’t see this happening. Things are looking kind of dicey at 1001 North Fourth Street in Milwaukee.

Even though I am not a big fan of the “Association”, I would hate to see Wisconsin lose its franchise. In order to prevent this unfortunate occurrence from taking place, some thing has to happen fairly quickly

As luck would have it, Bucks owner, Senator Kohl, heard about my recent stint as the Sports Czar and asked for my assistance. Of course I agreed to help the state in its crucial time of need. However, I warned the good Senator that desperate times call for desperate measures. 

He told me to work my magic.

So that’s what did. I immediately moved the team from Milwaukee to Oconomowoc. Oconomowoc is a city in Waukesha County. The name was derived from Coo-no-mo-wauk, the Potawatomi term for “waterfall”. The population was 12,382 at the 2000 census. 

According to the United States Census Bureau, the city has a total area of 7.2 square miles, where 6.7 square miles of it is land and 0.5 square miles of it (6.81%) is water.

This was obviously the perfect location for Wisconsin’s NBA franchise. Of course the team would no longer be called the Bucks. The new name would be the Oconomowoc Waterfalls.

Senator Kohl was so pleased with the wisdom of this decision that he agreed to finance a new 25,000-seat state-of-the-art arena. He told me that now that he is retiring, he was planning on taking a more active role in the team, so the timing was perfect.

I received a special dispensation from Commissioner David Stern allowing me to restock the Waterfalls’ roster with players having more of a Wisconsin sound to their names. This was done to show my appreciation to the Senator and also to honor the residents of the state.

Of course this is all contingent on the NBA getting it’s labor issues taken care of.

Here is your 2011-12 Oconomowoc Waterfalls roster:

Head Coach: Cudahy Shabbaz
Assistant Coach: Kenosha Davis
Assistant Coach: Platteville Smith

13  Kaukauna Brooks             G         6-5      215
17  Wauwatosa Collins           F         6-10    230
55  Waukesha Davis               F         6-8      235
28  Kewaunee Ford                F         6-9      240
21  Sheboygan Holland          G         6-3      200
  4  De Pere Jackson              G         6-1      190
36  La Crosse Johnson            F         6-8      220
10  Minocqua Jones               C         6-10     260
33  Eau Claire Watkins           G         6-1      195
14  Juneau McMillan              F          6-7      225
23  Muskego Rivers                F          6-11    235
42  Fon du Lac Robinson        F          6-9      250
44  Viroqua Thompson           G         5-11    185
00  Racine Washington           F         6-9      235
32  Menasha White                G         6-4      210
18  Sturtevant Williams         C          7-1     250

This new team in this new location has almost renewed my interest in the NBA. Almost. To be honest, I’m still not sure if the playoffs end before or after the Major League Baseball’s All-Star game. At least Wisconsin gets to keep its basketball team.

Until next time…from the booth.


Randy Lain said...

Very cut, Paul

Anonymous said...

I'd rather read a bio of the trial and tribulations of Red DiCello.

Kool Papa

Anonymous said...

There's only one Cashton in the whole wide world (according to the Cashton Record, circa 1960) and you neglect to include it in your roster of prospective players? Count me out, Pauly. Okay,so we didn't figure how to put air in the ball until 1974, don't hold that against us.

Anonymous said...

You are so totlly freaking late on a Randy Poffo entry, I can't believe it. Do I have to double- team you with the High Flyers, or what?

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Johnny, Why what? It's 3:18 in the morning. I doubt that you are getting up early so you don't miss Mass…

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Johnny, Scott Walker frowned upon the new team having anything to do with the city of Cashton…

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Johnny, your last comment proves that you aren't up early to go to early Mass; you had an uncorrected typo!

And if you ever get on facebook, you would be aware that I "broke" the Macho Man story there, complete with a video of a Slim Jim commercial…

Anonymous said...

I keep telling you guys, I'm on assbook.

Kool Papa