Thursday, December 8, 2011

Survivor 23.13

Here’s your Official Survivor: South Pacific Recap Trilogy for week 13:

Mary Beth’s 2Cents:

Well, color me disappointed. My little Cochran is no more. Sent last week to Redemption Island, he bravely battled the evil Oz and damn near won but it was not to be. Ozzy triumphed once again and lives on at Redemption. Cochran, my Cochran. He gave a nice little speech though and, on behalf of Survivor geeks everywhere, I salute him. So, he didn't win. He will still go down as one of the most interesting characters in Survivor history.

Back at Upolu, Edna was on the outs. It was made clear to her last week that she was the next to go and she wasn't taking the news very well. There was a slight delay in her ultimate fate though because it was time for the appearance of the cast's relatives.

Man, I was hoping. Please, I said to myself, please let Russell Hantz walk out here. But again… disappointment… sort of. Brandon's father, Russell's brother, was there to spend time with Brandon.

Coach's brother was there too, as was Albert's mom, Rick's wife, Edna's sister, and Sophie's daddy. They didn't much airtime this time. Coach, Brandon and Albert got to spend extra time with their loved ones but had to spend it with Oz on Redemption.

Coach quickly made a pact with Ozzy to take him to the final two if they get that far. Ozzy was all over that and, actually, that would be an exciting final two but I just can't stand Ozzy and, maybe, hopefully, Edna can beat him in next week's Redemption challenge.

Another thing we learned is that weirdness and deception runs in the Hantz family. It runs deep. Brandon's dad looked like he wanted to thump him on the head when Brandon told him he would give up a place in the finals if it meant going against his beliefs.

Now, normally, I'd say that was a stand up thing to do, except Brandon's beliefs are so off the wall weird that it's hard to understand exactly what he's standing up for! Then his dad tries to bully Coach into taking Brandon all the way. I'm not sure but at one point I thought I heard the words, “My dad can beat up your dad” being spoken. I might have misheard that. Or made that up.

Edna gave it the good old dead man walking college try and argued that Brandon was a lunatic whom no one really argued with her about but, in the end, she was gone. You could hear her sobbing as she took that long dark walk to Redemption.

So the original five are the final five, as they planned. Now let the feeding frenzy begin. They will eat each other alive trying to secure a spot for themselves. Out of these five I predict that Sophie and Rick are the next to go.

Then Brandon, unless Ozzy or Edna come back. If Ozzy comes back, it will be Brandon. If Edna comes back, it will be Edna. Albert will be next, leaving Coach and Ozzy at the end. Unless Coach gets wise and realizes he cannot take Ozzy to the end. He has to cut him off at the knees, which will make Coach one of the best players of this game ever.

Is it too late to get Cochran back? Can he get a do-over? No? Ah, well…

Jamie’s Prognosis:

An Episode of Lost Opportunities!

Well the family reunion episode has come and gone and nope… there was no “Russell Resurrection”. I’m sorry Paul Vagnoni, I know that you were anxiously awaiting his appearance, but let’s face it, somewhere in America tonight, Russell Hantz is glad that for once he’s not on TV with a family member who is clearly a few hairs short of a comb over. More about that later.

The episode started with a reunion of Cochran and the great Oz on Redemption Island. Ozzy immediately tried to get Cochran’s promise to vote for him at the finale. Cochran was a bit peeved that Ozzy would assume that out of the two of them he would be the one in the finale, and for a fleeting moment during the challenge between the two of them it looked like Cochran might win.

I was pretty excited, whooping and hollering, and then of course he LOST and Ozzy’s prediction that “he doesn’t stand a chance” came true. Damn it! That was lost opportunity for a great episode number one.

The main focus of this episode was the ongoing saga of Brandon and his seemingly endless issues. He is really just a confused weird kid. Every week he seems to unsettle someone, and this week it was the older and supposedly wiser physician Edna.

She really allowed his dumbass shenanigans to get to her, leading to a whiney meltdown (which is yet another reason why Edna is completely undeserving of the title of Sole Survivor). 

By the time the family reunion took place, we were all sitting on the edges of our seats awaiting what would have admittedly been a GREAT moment reuniting “Hall of Famer” Russell Hantz and his nephew (lost opportunity for a great episode number two).

Instead, we got to meet Brandon’s father (Russell’s brother) Sean.  At first I thought, “WOW, the gene pool was deeper on Sean’s end”, because he was kind of good looking, didn’t have that goofy Hantz look on his face and he had hair.

When father and son got a chance to talk privately, Brandon attempted to explain his convoluted game plan that apparently is more about self-improvement and less about winning a million dollars. Papa Hantz was clearly not happy and one could almost hear him thinking “crap my kid is an idiot”!! 

In true Hantz style, he then inappropriately jumped in with Coach and tried to actually play the game FOR his knucklehead son! By this time somewhere in America Russell Hantz was shaking his head and thinking that neither his nephew OR his brother could organize a fart in a bean factory. Lost opportunity for a great episode #3? Russell Hantz smacking feckless Brandon upside the head.

While on Redemption Island, Coach approached Ozzy about forming an alliance of noble warriors. Ozzy, displaying his usual absence of any social skills just mumbled and looked dead behind the eyes.

Truth of the matter is, I fear that if Ozzy does make it back into the game, which it looks like he very may will, he will win it all. Crap! I still want Coach to win!! Edna put up a good fight to try to stay.

Her “I am more deserving of staying than Brandon because of my honor and integrity” lost some of its oomph when she then offered to eat a piece of Coach’s stool if the others would believe her claim that he was in her corner. Say what? Yes it’s true they bleeped it out but I rewound it to double check. Eww. She was voted off.

At the end of the show when they give a sneak peak at next week’s episode it looks like Edna might knock Ozzy out of the game on Redemption, but those snippets can be deceiving. As much as I don’t like Edna, I would put up with her paper hat some more to see Ozzy defeated. 

Finally, in Rick news, he spoke a few more words and squeezed his wife’s ass on TV during their momentary reunion. Classy. If she had smacked him for that AND for wasting this great opportunity by playing like the lights are on but nobodies home, THAT would have made for a great episode too (lost opportunity #4). Oh well… GO COACH!!

The Booth’s Bits:

After 22 plus seasons of watching Survivor, I have become a pretty good judge of how things are going to shake out. I can usually tell what is going to happen next. And after 12 weeks of doing this blog with Mary Beth and Jamie I have come to realize that both do a fine job of covering the details of what has happened on that night’s episode. So by the time the readers get down to my segment, it isn’t necessary for me to regurgitate what they have already covered. I appreciate that.

So I’m not going to do that tonight. Instead I will try to make some pithy and witty observations. All of which will most likely be diametrically opposed to what my female cohorts have to say. Oh well, that’s the beauty of the Survivor: South Pacific Recap Trilogy.

Never for one minute did I think the folks from the old Upolu tribe were going to vote out Edna. It just wasn’t going to happen. Sure Producer Mark Burnett’s people did some wonderful editing in an attempt to make you think it could happen, but I wasn’t buying it. No, sir.  No way.

Not even the spectacular shot of the beautiful double rainbow could convince me that there was the slightest chance that they would send the mentally unstable Brandon to Redemption Island rather than Edna. Call me jaded, but I knew exactly what was going to happen. Psycho boy wasn’t going anywhere.

The very thought that they could dupe me into falling for this charade disappointed me. In fact there were a few other things that let me down this evening.

For example, Jeff Probst coaching and encouraging the nebbish Cochran during his duel with Ozzy on Redemption Island. Come on, they are competing to stay in the game! I thought Probst was above that sort of thing, although he did hook up with Julie from season nine…

I also felt cheated when Russell didn’t show up as nephew Brandon’s relative. Though I must say Brandon’s dad, Russell’s brother, was almost as much of a domineering thug as the former Survivor villain. I loved it when he told Brandon to forget all that Christian stuff and just do whatever it takes to win the million dollars. A true Hantz through and through.

Speaking of “all that Christian stuff”, there was one portion of tonight’s show that definitely did NOT disappoint. It was when the Sophie, tired of all the forgiveness and pseudo religious crap, made the following profound statement:

“On Survivor, people are not as forgiving as Jesus Christ is.”

Amen sister. It is amazing that it took until the 32nd day of season 23 for someone to finally articulate that sentiment. Hallelujah! Hopefully God has more important things to worry about than some deceitful mopes playing Survivor. But then again, He is omnipotent…

Until next time…from the booth.


Leplume said...

Can't believe this season of Survivor is almost over! It went by so quickly! It's been such a blast writing the blog with you and Jamie too!

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

I know, it's been great. Only 1 regular show, the finale and the reunion show. We have to decide how we want to do the final blog…