Monday, January 14, 2013

Are You Kidding Me?

Only 4 short weeks ago, Mary Beth, Jamie and myself were wrapping up Survivor: Philippines. Yes, it was only 28 days ago that Denise, the midget sex therapist was declared Sole Survivor of season 25 and took $1,000,000 back to Iowa. It seems like only yesterday.

Want to guess what’s happening in 30 days? Yep, season 26 of the award-winning reality show premiers. Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favourites opens with a special two-hour episode on February 13th. That happens to be Ash Wednesday and is the eve of St. Valentine’s Day.

I know. Are you kidding me?!?

Well, I’m not. Here are the two tribes, complete with a short bio and a “Vag’s Evaluation” about each contestant.

Gota Tribe – Fans

Back Row: Hope, Eddie, Allie, Michael and Julie
Front Row: Matt, Reynold, Sherri, Laura and Shamar
Laura Alexander (23)
Washington, D.C.
Administrative Officer
Vag’s Evaluation: Look for her to go deep into the game. Also, she’s easy on the eyes. Very easy. I just hope RC doesn’t read this…

Sherri Biethman (41)
Boise, Idaho
Fast Food Franchisee
Vag’s Evaluation: Anyone who has their own fast food joint can’t be all bad. Unfortunately, a personal issue at home might make the game too tough for her emotionally.

Matt Bischoff (38)
Cincinnati, Ohio
BMX Bike Sales
Vag’s Evaluation: Dude, you ain’t Rupert. I don’t see Matt hanging around very long. He’ll be back home listening to ZZ Top before you can say, “La Grange”.

Hope Driskill (23)
Jefferson City, Missouri
Pre Law School
Vag’s Evaluation: Blonde hair, blue eyed pre-law school student with a pretty smile. Been there, done that. Next…

Edward “Eddie” Fox (23)
Brunswick, New York
Vag’s Evaluation: This guy is almost too perfect. Hunky fireman who is outgoing, competitive and hard working. Plus, he is definitely eye candy for female viewers. Wait, I found a flaw. His favorite Survivor contestant is Boston Rob. He’s done.

Julie Landauer (21)
Stanford, California
Racecar Driver
Vag’s Evaluation: Not sure about this one. She might have potential, but the racecar thing makes me think of Danica Patrick. And that’s not a good thing. Danica’s abrasive personality has always overshadowed her good looks for me.

Alexandra “Allie” Pohevitz (25)
Oceanside, New York
Vag’s Evaluation: Another pretty little blonde. Her bio on the CBS site had this tidbit: Allie was asked if you could have 3 things on the island, what would they be? Her answer was: Eyeliner, Hair Detangler and Crest White Strips. Okay…

Michael Snow (44)
New York, New York
Event Planner
Vag’s Evaluation: The guy is an event planner. Okay. For some reason, I picture him running around the island waving his arms in the air shouting, “people, people!” That being said, he probably has a strong social game.

Shamar Thomas (27)
Brooklyn, New York
Iraq War Veteran
Vag’s Evaluation: A big, burly Marine who fought in Iraq. I have the utmost respect for these guys. Regrettably, they typically never do well on the game of Survivor. Except for Shambo…

Reynold Toepfer (30)
San Francisco, California
Real Estate Sales Man
Vag’s Evaluation: Another fellow for the female fans to swoon over. Looks like the total package. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him hanging around for quite a while.

Bikal Tribe – Favourites

Back Row: Corinne, Phil, Malcolm, Francseca, Erick and Brenda
Front Row: Dawn, Brandon, Andrea and Cochran

Andrea Boehlke (23)
Previous Season: Redemption Island
New York, New York
Entertainment Host and Writer
Vag’s Evaluation: A Wisconsin girl who moved to New York. What’s up with that? Like we don’t have enough culture here. Cheese is loaded with culture. Plus more blonde hair and blue eyes. Where’s my RC?

Brandon Hantz (21)
Previous Season: South Pacific
Katy, Texas
Chemical Disposal
Vag’s Evaluation: Oh great, they bring back a Hantz and it’s not Russell. All we’re going to get from this space cadet is praying, crying and weirdness. Plenty o’ weirdness.

Brenda Lowe (30)
Previous Season: Nicaragua
Miami, Florida
Paddleboat Company Owner
Vag’s Evaluation: She has loads of potential. Loads. Potential to take RC’s place on Wednesday nights for me, that is. Alas, I seem to recall she was very arrogant, snotty and didn’t play well with others. Ahhhh!!! It’s Abi!

Corinne Kaplan (33)
Previous Season: Gabon
Los Angeles, California
Clinical Consultant
Vag’s Evaluation: When asked for the 3 words to describe herself, she said: snarky, irreverent and opinionated. Wonderful. Hopefully there will be plenty of interaction between her and Brandon. Can you say fireworks?

Dawn Meehan (42)
Previous Season: South Pacific
South Jordan, Utah
English Professor
Vag’s Evaluation: Ah, the Mom from Utah. If my memory serves me correctly, she started out last time freaking out and crying that shouldn’t handle it. Then, out of the blue, she morphed into a strong competitor. Which Dawn is going to show up for season 26? Hmm…

Erick Reichenbach (27)
Previous Season: Micronesia
Santa Clarita, California
Comic Book Artist
Vag’s Evaluation: Who made this guy a Favourite? This guy was one of the biggest dopes in Survivor history. The female alliance from Micronesia had this nincompoop jumping through hoops. Get him out of there. Now.

Francesca Hogi (38)
Previous Season: Redemption Island
Brooklyn, New York
Vag’s Evaluation: She was the first castaway voted off of Redemption Island, yet she made a lasting impression on Hall of Famer Russell Hantz. Recently on Twitter, Hantz said she was one of his favorite people. High praise indeed.

John Cochran (25)
Previous Season: South Pacific
Washington, D.C.
Harvard Law Student
Vag’s Evaluation: Great, the ├╝ber-geek is back. I do believe that Jamie had a soft spot for this mensch. While I don’t possess the same fondness for the nerd, I must admit he makes for interesting television.

Phil Sheppard (54)
Previous Season: Redemption Island
Santa Monica, California
Chief Executive Officer of Enter Software Sales
Vag’s Evaluation: Speaking of interesting television, Special Agent Phil is back. YES! Hopefully he will be sporting his pink drawers again. Oh baby!!!

Mary Beth’s boyfr… oops, Malcolm Freberg (25)
Previous Season: Philippines
Hermosa Beach, California
Vag’s Evaluation: First things first. I must cry foul. Why does get her boyfr… oops, Malcolm back and there is no RC for moi? It isn’t right. That being said, how can you not like him? Check out this gem from the CBS site. When asked what his personal claim to fame was, he responded, “Once spent over a month with Abi-Maria Gomes, and I’m still considered legally sane by the state of California.”

One last thing, you may have noticed that I have been spelling favorite - “favourite”. That is to pay homage to dedicated Trilogy follower, Sue Symes. She is from Great Britain, doesn’t see Survivor, yet faithfully follows via this blog. Thank you, Sue.

Until next time…from the booth.

No comments: