Survivor?

Yesterday I mentioned that I might write about the reality TV show Survivor today. Well, I intended to. But then something happened at 7:00 last night. When the show started, I broke out my pencil and notepad and actually started taking notes. Just like I did for the last dozen seasons. Then I realized that this was a pain in the ass and I was missing things – like the lovely Morgan frolicking about. That is her at the top of the blog. Quite fetching, don’t you think? I think I have a crush on the young lady…

It was at this point that I said the heck with it, I’m just going to watch the show and that’s what I did. And I really enjoyed it. What’s not to enjoy? Several attractive women in bikinis, a couple bearded hillbilly bohunks, three brainiacs and a sleazy muscle-bound cop all competing on a tropical beach for $1 million! That’s a tremendous combination.

I brought up earlier that this season, Survivor: Cagayan, was a marked improvement over the last few seasons. Especially that train wreck, Survivor: Blood vs. Water. Maybe it’s because there are no retreads from seasons past muddling things up, or that there is no Redemption Island. I detest Redemption Island. I want to know who has been eliminated that week at the END of the show, not in the first 10 minutes.

Another benefit of not having Redemption Island, it pretty much guarantees two challenges – one for reward and one for immunity. I love the challenges, especially the physical ones. And if they involve mud or water… be still my heart. Did I mention that I enjoy watching the lovely Morgan frolicking about? Include mud and water to the equation, well; I don’t think I need to say more.

Although the season started out with the “Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty” theme, it was no big deal for me. This only lasted four episodes due to the fact that the Brains tribe wasn’t all that smart. Because their tribe dwindled to only three, a merge was in order.

I truly think the main reason for me liking this season more is that I am not doing the structured trilogy recap immediately following the show. Don’t get me wrong, I had a good time doing the trilogy with Marie Beth and Jamie, but after awhile it became more of job than fun.

Rather than just watch the show, I found myself always looking for an angle, for something to write about. When nothing stood out during an episode I would become frustrated and this would reflect in my writing. Typically I would just bitch and moan about how boring the show was and that I couldn’t stand any of the castaways. I knew it just me when the usually affable Mary Beth expressed the same sentiments.

So, no more posting a recap one hour after the show ends. From now on I will simply watch the show while exchanging caustic comments with my good friend and Fellow Survivor Geek, Patty 4-Names on Facebook. If something on a show really stands out for me, I might mention it the next time I do a blog. Something like the lovely Morgan frolicking about.

Until next time…from the booth.

Survivor Finale and Reunion

Mary Beth’s 2Cents: So, let's commence and put this stinker out of it's/our misery. Have you heard? I am not a fan of this season of Survivor. Just as I was getting ready to watch TV tonight a commercial came on for tonight's episode. As it showed scenes from shows past the words “Jaw Dropping Season” were emblazoned on my screen.

Jaw dropping? Really?

For me the words “eye lid drooping” and “snore inducing” come to mind. So much so that even while I'm watching I find my mind wanders and I end up missing large chunks of dialogue. Anyway, here's the recap…try to stay awake!

Monica rejoices as she realizes she is now the swing vote and that puts her in a position of power for the first time since she laid foot on the island. Not that she'll actually do anything with that power but more about that later.

Hayden is sent off to Redemption Island. At the Redemption Challenge, it is, as Hayden says, him “against two grandmas”. I find that kind of ageism rude and it was certain to bite him right in the ass, which it did.

The challenge was one of balancing on one leg while keeping an urn on a pedestal. The grannies kicked Hayden's butt and he was the first one gone. Laura M. begged Tina to give it to her but Tina refused and held on to the end. She got to go back to the game while Laura followed Hayden to the jury. Laura M. and Ciera have a very dramatic heart felt good-bye and Tina opts to keep the Immunity Idol clue for herself.

Back at camp, Tina and Ciera begin to work on Monica right away and try to convince her to go with them leaving Monica very confused. At the Immunity Challenge, it's another balancing act. This time they have to hold onto to a rope keeping a table balanced as they stack blocks. Tyson wins the Idol, though he doesn't really need it.

Later, Monica takes a load of crap from Gervase who always reverts to bullying which seems to be his way to play the game. Monica cries. This is the first of three or four times tonight when she cried. Sheesh!

At Tribal Council, it's Ciera and Tina vs. Tyson, Gervase and Monica. Try as they might, the votes are cast. Tyson gives Gervase his hidden immunity idol and Ciera ends up getting voted off. And so the final four are – Tina, Monica, Tyson and Gervase.

The final Immunity Challenge is a huge thing with an obstacle balance thing to cross to get bags of letters. They have to run up a huge flight of stairs and then hurl themselves down a water slide to start all over.

In the end, Tyson wins. Man, I hate him! He's definitely in the final three. At Tribal, there's just nothing anyone can say and Tina is just sent limping off. So there they are – the Final Three – Tyson, Gervase and Monica. Each one more weaselly than the next and not one of them actually deserving of winning the million dollars. Sheesh!

Vag’s Evaluation: The jury for the Final Tribal Council consisted of: Aras, Vytas, Caleb, Katie, Hayden, Laura, Ciera and Tina. For me, this was the last hope to redeem this pitiful season. Hopefully, there would be some Sue Hawk-like vitriol shown toward the three finalists, Tyson, Monica and Gervase. I wanted to see this loathsome trio squirm a bit.

Alas, I was once again disappointed.

The opening statements from the three set the tone for this snoozefest. First, Gervase blathered about going from old school to new school. Then Monica whined about not being a lap dog. At least she didn’t cry. BUT TYSON DID! It was something about doing it for his girlfriend. Blah, blah, blah…

Now it was time for the jurors to interrogate these three dolts.

Vytas – After complimenting Tyson, he then told him he could never vote for him and would have to decide between Monica and Gervase. Huh?

Katie – Congratulated the group and then basically told Tyson that he was a prick. At least one castaway was observant.

Caleb – Asked Gervase what his big move was, to which Gervase replied, “Voting out your brother, Aras.” Nice. Then Monica started blubbering. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it is from hanging around Tyson too much.

Ciera – Asked Tyson if he was a hero or a villain. He surmised that since he didn’t consider himself a villain, he must be a hero. Okay. She asked Gervase if he ever considered voting out Tyson. His answer? Not really. At least nobody cried during this “tough” line of questioning.

Laura – All right, back to the crying. All it took was Monica being asked why she didn't revealed more about herself to the other castaways. This set off more weeping. Kleenex® could have made a bundle sponsoring the Final Tribal Council.

Tina – The diminutive one asked the three finalists to describe their inner core in one word. Monica said “generous”, Gervase came up with “honorable” and Tyson replied “fun-loving.” What this proved is beyond me. Maybe that Tyson cheated by using a compound word

Hayden – After asking Tyson where he hid his Hidden Immunity Idol, he told Monica that she was a fake. You’ll never guess what happened next. That’s right!!! She started sobbing. Again. And again. And again…

Aras – His question was whom would you vote for if you couldn’t vote for yourself? Gervase said Tyson because he had so many elements to his game. Monica agreed that it was Tyson, because he was such a force in the game. Tyson then chose Monica and blew some smoke up her ass. I guess he didn’t want to see any more tears.

All that was left was the Final Vote…

Dr. J’s Prognosis: It is my privilege to recap what my FSGP (Fellow Survivor Geek Paul) claims is his last season of blogging about Survivor. I was recently knighted a “Snarkess” by one Patty 4-Names and I shall wear that cloak with honor. But first I want to say without any snarkishness that I was saddened about the announcement that several weeks ago contestant Tina lost her son in a car accident. My thoughts are with her and her daughter.

So here is what I have to say about this season. It was not my favorite. I have nodded my head in agreement with Paul and Mary Beth each week as they have tried to put as much positive spin on the show as possible. The problem was not only design but also casting. I don’t know about ya’ll but I don’t want to see loved ones pitted against each other. Life is tough enough, who wants to watch that?

I also think that the casting sucked. Enough with the rehashing of fan favorites blah, blah, blah! Give us some new people! Make it hard again. Starve these people! Make them work for it!!!!! That is why we watch this damn show!

In seasons past I have been bestowed with the duty of describing the moment when Jeff Probst makes his panther like entrance into the reunion show. I have made no secret of the fact that I lust after him in a perfectly normal suburban married housewife type of way. I just wish he would go back to the days when he would pretend like he was parachuting in directly from tribal council I LOVED that!!! Sigh…

With pretend anticipation he read the names. Of course no one voted for Gervase because he was annoying. Monica did get a vote even though she was annoying and then the MOST annoying guy Tyson, sporting one of those fake tuxedo shirts with pit stains, won it all.

I wasn’t surprised and to be honest he actually played a good game. I just don’t care for him. But yeah for you funky Tyson! You finally won. Now go away and never return.

Part of my problem with this season is that I tried to stick with it and it made me feel bipolar.

I started to like hairy Colton boyfriend and then he got voted off and then I started to like blond daughter of Tina and she got voted off and then I started to like hunky boyfriend of Kat and he got voted off and then I admired that Laura was kicking some ass on Redemption Island so I started to like her and she got voted off and then I started to respect Ciera because she was kind of defiant and playing her game against the odds and then she got voted off.

So in the end I was left with nothing. I’m sorry Monica Culpepper, you just seem bitchy to me and your husband seems like a dufus (his entire career in the NFL he only had like 34 sacks I think in 9 years he should have done better… PS do you guys know that guy is a LAWYER??)  Save your crocodile tears for someone who cares, Monica Culpepper!

A message to Colton, who tried to mock the AARP during the Reunion Show; “Hey dude I BELONG to that group now and not only did I get a free tote for joining but I also get discounts on lawyer fees, so stay out of Wisconsin”.

And since I’m feeling so cranky; “Hey Rupert, take off the tie die and put on some man panties!  You could have stayed on and won!!” Ughhhhhhh!!!! 

Thankfully a happy moment appeared in the form of my man Cochran. It seems that my fan fave has ditched Harvard law school and gone into sitcom writing, a much more secure career path I think! Go Cochran!!!!!!

Of course at the end of the show we had to be teased with the next seasons amazing twists and they just kept showing all of these “B”’s floating across the screen.

I HATE that!

What does that mean? Boobs? Bugs? Boys? Eventually it was revealed that it means Brains, Brawn and some other word that starts with B (Not boobs, Paul, I’m sorry). All I can say is I hope the damn show is better. And I also hope that if he takes a season off to rest and revive that my good friend Paul Vagnoni reconsiders about his Survivor blogging. I for one will miss it!

One last Vag’s Evaluation: Thanks for the kind words, Jamie. And more thanks for jumping on board for the final recap, thus making it a true trilogy. I would also like to express my gratitude to Mary Beth for enduring this entire gut-wrenching season with me. I know it wasn’t easy. As she would say… Sheesh!

Until next time…from the booth.

Survivor 26.3

Here is the Official Bodacious Baldies Survivor: Caramoan Recap for week three:

Two down. After Ally's untimely demise at last week's Tribal, Gota tribe returned to camp angry and upset. Shamar began screaming and yelling at Reynold for what he thought was a master plan to get him voted out. Shamar was losing control until Sherri stepped in to try to calm him down. For some reason, Sherri seems to have a handle on this hothead and he listens to her.

What Shamar doesn't seem to have a handle on is the “outwit” part of Survivor. He quickly starts questioning his ability to play the game at all because it involves lying! Now, this I love because it happens every season. People who watch this show know there are going to be lies told yet every season there's some chucklehead on the tribe that is taken aback that lies are told. Really?

Over at Bikal, things are going along swimmingly. So much so that weird Special Agent Phil gets the chance to do a little beachside exercise training video where he does bicep curls with conch shells and lifts a log over his head. He says it keeps him fit and young and then he teaches us that none of the others can play Survivor quite like he can and he likens it to “old school basketball” ala Larry Byrd. Yeah, I know...it didn't make much sense to me either.

Corinne starts hanging around my Malcolm because no one else will really hang around her. They go off and start looking for the Hidden Immunity Idol. As usual, the idol was hidden in a place so remote and dark that it took them literally hours to find it. NO! It took them seconds. At this point the producers should just put a sign with an arrow stating, “Be sure to look in the tree!” because that's always where it is.

Who is hiding these things? Seriously! Why bother hiding the idol at all at this point. Just drop them from the sky and let them catch them as they fall. Ridiculous! Corinne better watch herself too. She started saying that she thought Malcolm was smart and referred to him, as “eye candy” and I will not have that!!

Cochran, meanwhile, was waxing lyrical on how great it was to play Survivor because being on Survivor was like watching it at 8pm on CBS every single day…except he's also in it. He also expressed that having some seriously scantily clad women walking around every day was a bonus for him because he never gets that in real life. Cochran, with his goofy sunburn (yet still the whitest man alive!), is starting to grow on me.

Andrea approaches Cochran because she is taking a page from season's past and remembers to “always be thinking”. She's decided to get in an alliance with him and Brandon Hantz. Brandon is all for it but then again paranoidally (it's a word…honest) cautious because he's been lied to before. He professes that he will reek havoc on the camp if he is lied to again by peeing in the rice and setting the camp on fire. In his words, he says, there will be “hell to pay”. Somehow, those words coming from a Hantz should sound more ominous but they're coming from teeny tiny Brandon so they kind of lose their affect.

Back at Gota, Shamar has stopped yelling but is now sulking. He says, “My happiness isn't worth a million” and starts to talk about quitting. He tells his story about how hard it's been to readjust to civilian life after two tours in Iraq and that he has had anger and alcohol issues but had gotten over that. He also says that all he does is try to be “uplifting” to people. I'm not sure I've seen the uplifting side.

Thing is, I want to be able to back Shamar and cheer him on. I think his military duties have been admirable and something to be honored. But I also think he's a major jerk. He's a loose cannon and a whiner and incredibly needy. His need for total attention is annoying and I wish he would go! In the end, he decides it would be “unloyal” of him to quit so he stays and everyone says a quiet “yay!” Everyone except Reynold who isn't buying the load of crap Shamar is selling.

At the Immunity/Reward Challenge, the teams have to swim out to a cage, untie it, drag a crate back to shore, hook pieces of a track together and push the crate to the end. If they win they Immunity and some comfort items – blankets, pillows, chairs, etc.

It's a pretty close race right from the start. Laura (who? She's on Gota) is a poor swimmer but not so bad to stand out really. Shamar gets into a scuffle about some swim goggles but it doesn't really stop the action. So neck and neck, the tribes duke it out to the end but the Faves take it and win when Brandon hooks the last piece of the track and they push their crate to victory. The Fans win something Jamie Burhani Cairo would love – a date with Jeff Probst! Hehehe…

Sherri (who? Again, at Gota...she's a bit of a player this one) masterminds a scheme to take out Hope (who?? I know...but these people are so non-descript!) She tells her alliance to split the vote between Eddy and Hope and somehow that will get Hope out. She tells Shamar to keep his trap shut and not say a word but he immediately turns around and tells Hope to save herself by voting for Eddy. Hope turns around and tells another Gota woman (I can't even remember this one's name!) who runs back to tell Sherri and the rest that Shamar blabbed.

So, as they go to Tribal it's all a mess and no one is really sure what's going to happen. At Tribal, Shamar tells Probst how misunderstood he is and how everyone lies about him all the time. Hope tells them how Shamar told her to save herself and Shamar calls her a big fat liar. He called Reynold a liar too even though he's not allowing Reynold to speak to him anymore.

The vote comes back with a three way tie because not only did Eddy and Hope gets votes, so did Shamar. So they revote…and finally it's Hope that's sent packing. Probst tells them they are dysfunctional but Sherri is sitting there with a smirk because she knows she is the Queen Bee of this island and no one else seems to realize how she's orchestrating everything right now. I'm keeping my eye on her!
 

Fellow Survivor Geek Auntie Janet was right – TOO MUCH TALKING! Each week, before I start writing my portion of the recap, I call up my Auntie Janet to get her take on went down in the episode that just ended. Invariably, at some point, she will say that there was too much talking and not enough action. And tonight she definitely spot on with that assessment.

There was absolutely no action of any kind for the first 27 minutes of the show. None whatsoever! It was right around 7:23 that I realized there would only be one challenge tonight. Ya, the dreaded Immunity/Reward Combo Challenge. I don’t know about the rest of the Fellow Survivor Geeks out there, but I always feel cheated when we only get one challenge.

Up until the Combo Challenge occurred, very little happened. Here’s my notes:

After last week’s Tribal Council, there is a whole bunch of Shamar drama at the Gota camp. Thankfully, Sherri fancies herself the Shamar Whisperer.

Over at Bikal, Corrine and Malcolm are pairing up. She digs him. They find a Hidden Immunity Idol. Mary Beth is right. Whoever is responsible for hiding those things should be fired.

Cochran said that being on Survivor is great because every day is Wednesday night on CBS. Then he added that all the women were basically walking around in their underwear and compared it to a “Freudian Picnic”.

Then Andrea talked to Brandon about wanting to eliminate Corrine. Then Brandon started talking all spastic and brought up pissing in the water and the rice and possibly burning the camp down. Ya, ya.

ZZzzz…

Honestly, that was the first 27 minutes of the hour. Talk about a snoozefest. I was greatly relieved when the Immunity/Reward Combo Challenge rolled around. The reward portion was two chairs, a couple of pillows, a blanket and a tarp.

The challenge itself was a good one. At least if we are only getting one challenge, they are making it fresh and original. This was also quite physical. It involved swimming, climbing, diving, dragging a giant chest and, finally, ring toss.

The Faves (Bikal) jumped out to any early lead because Laura from the Fans (Gota) couldn’t swim. Or lower herself to help drag the giant chest. Remarkably, when it got to the ring toss portion of the challenge, it was dead even. Pretty boys, Reynold and Eddie had their chances, but the Faves came out on top behind the tossing of Malcolm, Special Agent Phil and Brandon.

This meant that the Fans would have to send someone home. Award-winning host Jeff Probst did his usual ubiquitous job of instigating just enough arguing and backstabbing to make Tribal Council bearable. After the bickering and Shamar was done defending himself, they voted.

The first vote was three-way tie with three votes each for Shamar, Eddie and Hope. This necessitated a revote and this time Hope was voted off, leaving only Reynold and Eddie from the Pretty People Alliance.

All in all it was a pretty blasé hour with only 13 or 14 minutes of actual entertainment. Actually, there were a couple positives that I failed to mention. Try as I can, I don’t recall the insipid Erik’s name being mentioned once. Also, I think I have finally found my girlfriend for season 26 – Laura. While she is no RC and totally sucks at challenges, she is kind of cute and is starting to grow on me.

Until next time…from the booth.

Survivor 26.2

Here is the Official Bodacious Baldies Survivor: Caramoan Recap for week two:

As excited as I get about the season opening episode of Survivor, I have to admit that I enjoy the second episode even more. Why, you ask? Because that’s when they start getting into the personalities of the players and let us, the viewers, start to see who these people really are. Now, tonight's episode was pretty standard Survivor fare – showing highlights from each tribe as they learn to live together and work together as a team. 

Yeah, well that didn't start out very well.

Coming back from the first Tribal Council, Brandon Hantz gets his undies all in a bundle because he thinks it was heartless to vote Francesca off first again. For some reason, he goes after Dawn for this though I seem to recall there were many other votes for Francesca, not just Dawn's. Dawn tries to explain herself but Hantz kind of blows her over.

The next thing we know, Dawn is crying because Brandon is being “mean” to her. Crying?? Really?? It's only Day Three for craps sake! There's no crying allowed! Least of all because someone is being mean to you! Hantz tries to invoke the spirit of his Uncle Russell and threatens to reek havoc on the island for some sort of avenging of the ousting of Francesca! Sheesh!

Over at Gota, Shamar is lying around doing nothing and generally annoying the others who are all doing something. He believes he's conserving his energy and his two tours in Iraq have somehow made it his right to do so. I have to confess I have a problem with Gota. I, for the life of me, cannot remember any of these non-descript players’ names. I remember Shamar and Reynolds. Then there are a lot of blonde people and some other young guy.

They are so uninteresting that even when I see their names on the screen I immediately forget them! Anyway, there's an older blonde that wants to keep Shamar around and she's got 5 other people on her side against the “pretty” foursome so it looks like they're at least trying to make it interesting.

Back at Bikal, Cochran is trying to counsel Brandon to help him be a better person. Brandon calms down and decides he can't be like his Uncle so he tells Cochran he'll be good. Is it me or does Cochran, in a very short time, look like some kind of homeless wino elf? Cochran, AKA Captain Obvious, declares that Brandon is “unpredictable”.

Speaking of unpredictable, Philip, still in his pink undies, tries to psychoanalyze Brandon telling him that he, Philip, is the CEO of the corporation and Brandon is Middle Management on a “need to know” basis. Sheesh!

At Immunity/Reward Challenge, the two tribes compete in a watery ring toss challenge where they first have to swim out to get on a raft, get towed to a pier, jump in and release some inner tubes, then get the inner tubes back by being towed to shore when a tribe mate then has to ring three posts.

It all started out pretty close but then something weird happened. No one on the Fans side could swim all of a sudden. When they got to the part to jump in and release the inner tubes no one could do it! The same blonde person kept jumping in over and over again but they could only get one tube. The Faves easily won Immunity and for reward they won fishing gear.

Afterwards, Philip started talking about how he is the leader of an organization called Stealth R Us. He gave all the other members of his alliance nicknames. They all smiled politely and nodded but I could hear their collective thought that this guy was completely crazy!

Before the Fans head off to Tribal Council, Reynold takes a look around for a hidden immunity idol. Now, in my opinion, whoever is in charge of hiding these “hidden” idols needs to fired. It's been way to easy to find these things for the past few seasons now. I swear he looked for about 30 seconds and he found the damn thing.

His joy was short lived though when one of the blondes saw him put it in his pocket. He wears these really tight cargo shorts and he either had an idol or he was happy to see her! She made this an issue at council and he was forced to reveal to the rest that he had it.

Reynold and Shamar get into it some more when Reynold's tries to point out what a lazy sack he thinks Shamar is. Shamar again tells them he's not lazy, he's a Marine and has been to Iraq! (I will never understand his logic with that excuse but there it is.) It didn't matter anyway because the non-pretty people banded together and voted out one of the pretty people leaving Reynold's to shake his head in wonder and Shamar hanging on for one more try. 

I do believe this is going to be an outstanding seasons. Man, oh man! There are already numerous alliances being formed. We have more interesting characters than you can shake a stick at. The challenges have been new and challenging. We got it all this time around. I have only two minor complaints about tonight’s show. One is that they combined the Reward and Immunity Challenges. I always feel cheated when that happens. The other was that Reynold found a Hidden Immunity Idol in less than a minute. Please. Who does he think he is, Russell Hantz?

Because Mary Beth always does such an excellent job going over the details of the episode, I thought that I would elaborate on the current alliances and some of the more entertaining personalities.

So far there are three main alliances, of which the Gota (Fans) Tribe has two – the Pretty People and the Misfits. The Pretties consist of Reynold, Eddie, Allie and Hope. The Misfits are made up of ZZ Top wannabe Matt, Michael, Julie, Sherri, Laura and 300 lb. Iraq vet Shamar.

Unfortunately for the Pretties, after Allie got voted out, they are down to only three. On the plus side, leader of the Pretty People does have the afore mentioned Hidden Immunity Idol. How much of an advantage this will be remains to be seen, because everyone at Gota knows he has it. This is due to the fact that Misfit Laura noticed the “bulge” in his pocket.

On the Bikal (Faves) side of the island there is only one alliance, but it is a doozy – Stealth R Us, Inc. headed up by Special Agent Phil. He even assigned official names. I’m not real clear on all of them, but here’s what I got:

Special Agent Phil – The Specialist
Corrine – The Dominatrix
Malcolm – The Enforcer
Cochran – Intelligence Attaché
Andrea – The Eliminator
Dawn – True Grit

Quite an impressive group and leaves only Brenda, Erik and Brandon on the outside of Stealth R Us, Inc. But truth be told, I’m not sure how long this alliance will be together. I think Special Agent Phil is the only one that is real serious about it. But it sure is amusing.

I mentioned that there are a good number of eccentric characters in season 26. Special Agent Phil heads that list. Some of the others:

Cochran – Fellow Survivor Geek Jamie’s favorite geek. He does sort of grow on you.
Shamar – the Iraq vet that is not only large, but also loud. And very obnoxious.
Matt – the tattooed and bearded one who tends to overanalyze.
Sherri – she wants to mold Shamar into her personal Special Agent Phil. Okay, let's see how that works.
Michael – I think he has been holding his flamboyance in check so far.

Last, but not least, is Brandon. Wow, where do I start? Since he was last on Survivor he has added more bad ink to his body than Dennis Rodman. Plus, it looks like he has a broken pencil sticking out of his left earlobe. That’s not the crazy part of Brandon. That would be his schizophrenic personality.

If he isn’t attacking someone viciously, he’s either crying about or talking to God. There’s no in between with this boy. As if that weren’t enough, tonight he told Erik (why is this guy a Fave) that he felt like going “Russell Hantz” on everyone. Will he morph into his evil uncle? I don’t know, but during next week’s coming attractions he was threatening to piss in the water and the rice and possibly burn the camp down. Sounds reasonable to me.

That being said, I can’t wait to see if he does! I love this show. Until next time…from the booth.

Survivor 26.1

BREAKING NEWS!!! Jamie Cairo, author of the Dr. J’s Prognosis portion of the Trilogy has just signed an obscenely large contract to be witty and snarky for a large organization that must remain unnamed. The immensity of this new undertaking will require Jamie to embark on a worldwide tour during the upcoming season of Survivor. Sadly, this will prevent her from being a regular contributor to the recap. I am, however, proud to announce that she has agreed to make an occasional guest appearance. Trust me, this came at no small cost.

Therefore, for the most part, the weekly recap for season 26 will not be a trilogy. Hopefully, between Mary Beth and myself, we will be able to fill some of the enormous void left by Jamie. So, without further ado, here is the Official Bodacious Baldies Survivor Caramoan Recap for week one:
 

 It was with much anticipation that I sat down to watch the season opening episode of Survivor. And I do mean MUCH ANTICIPATION! I've been jonesing for this show since the end of the last season. By the time Probst said, “This is the Caramoan Islands!” I was almost out of my skin. I am a geek and proud of it! So, Fans vs. Favorites started off with a bang. The Fans (The Gota Tribe) arrived to the islands by boat while the Faves (Bikal Tribe) were flown in air-conditioned helicopters to the beach.

The Fans reactions as the Faves were introduced one by one were pretty funny. When Brandon Hantz departed the chopper someone yelled out, “That's Russell's nephew!” Indeed, he is. There was a decided groan when Philip disembarked and a stunned awe when my Malcolm was the last to hit the sand. I must say he looks every bit as yummy as he did last season. Yes, I said yummy.

It was time for a Reward Challenge immediately and the two tribes were pitted against each other in a sort of flag football using an inner tube. Two member from each tribe against each other as they fight/wrestle/drag/pull or do whatever they can to get the inner tube to their tribes flag. The winner would get flint for making fire and 20 lbs. of beans.

So, there we were 15 minutes into the new season and Philip was cavorting through the challenge in his pink undies. I could have lived my whole life without seeing that again. But one thing I saw that I was both shocked and happily surprised at was Malcolm's butt! While he was playing in the challenge his shorts came off and his entire luscious bumdiddily was hanging out. Curse those censors and their blasted pixilation!!

The Faves won the challenge, no doubt spurred on by the sight of Malcolm's muscled behind and the Fans looked so dejected at their loss I almost felt sorry for them. One of the Fans, not sure of their names yet but I think his name is Lamar, stunned his team mates and Probst when he started yelling “Break her wrist!” to his teammate. It was a little weird.

He continued to be weird when he started to get very confrontational with his tribesmen that were attempting to build shelter. According to him that was a waste of time because he felt they needed to make fire and get water boiling but he didn't lift a finger to do anything. Finally, once a bunch of the others tried to make fire he stepped in and claimed that this was his plan all along. He's seems kind of a jerk and I'm not sure he's going to last that long in this game.

Over at the Bikal camp, Malcolm expressed being worried about his first impression on the others. Believe me, with that butt he has nothing to worry about! Phil equated his storming the beach at Bikal to those who stormed the beach at Iwo Jima. Um…okay…except no one's shooting at you, Phil so there is a difference!

Francesca immediately goes into overdrive to make alliances and strategize while Phil explains he's playing by the Boston Rob Rules – make an alliance, make an alliance within that alliance – so he starts recruiting alliance members too. He pretty much threatens Erik into the alliance by telling him it didn't matter either way if Erik joined. Nothing like making someone feel they're needed, Phil!

Over at Gota, people are doing their own version of strategizing. They're pairing up in twos and it seems to be based on looks and who's cooler. That night cuddling for body heat took on a whole new meaning for some, which was noted by the others. When will the Fans learn that couples are always the first to go? Especially conceited good-looking cool couples that think they're smarted and better than everyone else?

Somehow within a second of being exposed to sunlight, Cochran develops a blistering sunburn and his Hobbit feel swell up and look like yams! This doesn't deter him from making a pretty good showing in the Immunity Challenge though. Teams of two have to run up one to four flights of steps to toss down crates of sandbags. Once they're all tossed, the last person plays Baggo with them. The Faves had an amazing lead when Brandon just about flew up four flights! But dear Malcolm just could not get the bags in the holes. He did a good job but Reynold, from Gota, was a dead eye and hit the mark nearly every time. The Fans won Immunity, which meant a Fave was going home first.

Let the jockeying begin! Francesca starts telling everyone to vote off Philip but Andrea tells Philip this, which leads him to quote Machiavelli and burning down villages or some such nonsense. Gotta love that Phil is still crazy after all these years. At the last minute Francesca worries that Phil has an Immunity Idol. What? Really?? Whoa…she's paranoid! She decides to tell everyone to split the vote using Corinne as a fall back just in case ol' Phil has an idol. Seriously...she's paranoid!

At Tribal, Probst points out several times that she was the first to go on her last season. I could tell that was getting under her skin! But lo and behold, who was the first to go? Francesca! I'm not sure why everyone thought she was a threat because the truth is no one ever got to see her play at all in her first season. No one could be really sure what she was capable of and I'm not sure she wouldn't have imploded on her own eventually because of her paranoia. But, off she went, lamenting that maybe…just maybe…Survivor wasn't her game after all!
 

Wow! So much happened and it was only the first week. I have to admit; I was real pumped up at the beginning. I am such a Survivor Geek, I really am. When they were announcing the Favourites as they came out of the helicopters, I was getting goose bumps. It was like watching the opening at a major sporting event. All they needed was a spotlight and a big-voice guy on the P.A. Well, I guess Jeff Probst wasn’t too bad.

Immediately we were treated to a Reward Challenge, and I was quickly reminded how much I dislike Erik. How is that knob a Fave? The challenge was a good one, very physical and in the water. I was deeply engrossed in the action when season 26 had its first defining moment. Mary Beth’s boyfr… oops, Malcolm began to lose his shorts in the water. It finally got to the point where they had to blur out his derrière. I was flabbergasted!

It was at that point that I heard a loud shriek of ecstasy coming from the shore of Lake Michigan. Could it be? Was it Mary Beth? I promptly messaged Patty to see if she had heard anything. She said that she had! And she lives on the other side of the Cheddar Curtain. I do believe Mary Beth is going to enjoy this season. A lot.

The Faves were victorious and for their efforts earned fire, in the form of a flint and 20 pounds of beans. Already with the extra food! Plus both tribes had a supply of rice waiting for them back at their respective camps. Richard Hatch and Rudy Boesch never had it that good 25 seasons ago…

There are some interesting characters over on the Fans side. A clique of “cool kids” has already formed – Eddie, Hope, Reynold and Allie. Eddie made the narcissistic observation that he and Hope are the “two best looking people there”. Got much of an ego, son?

Over at the Fave camp we were being treated to the antics of Cochran the nerd and Special Agent Phil. Cochran, somehow, someway acquired an award-winning head-to-toe sunburn almost instantaneously. It was really quite impressive. Except for that huge whitehead he developed on the right side of his nose.

Special Agent Phil was entertaining just by being himself. Of course, he was proudly wearing his trademark pink Jockey briefs while talking strategy, forming alliances and assigning roles to his fellow castaways. The high point was when he referred to himself as the “undercover brother”. Man, I love this show!

The Immunity Challenge was fairly impressive and after some considerable physicality, came down to a beanbag tossing contest between Reynold and Mary Beth’s boyfr… oops, Malcolm. Remarkably, in a valiant come from behind effort, Reynold secured the victory for the Fans. All that was left was for the Faves to vote off someone from their tribe.

At camp before Tribal Council, we were led to believe that the enigmatic Special Agent Phil was the targeted man and would be sent packing. However, when push came to shove, it was Francesca that was voted out with by a 6-4 margin over Wisconsin’s very own Andrea.

It should be noted that in the very beginning of the show, Francesca, who was voted off the first time she was on Survivor, promised to eat a rock if it happened to her again. Unfortunately we never learned if she kept her word…

Before wrapping things up tonight, I would like to explain why we are calling this the “Official Bodacious Baldies Survivor Caramoan Recap”. While Mary Beth and I currently possess luscious, full heads of hair, that won’t be the case in another month. We are both shaving our heads to raise money to help fight childhood cancer through the St. Baldrick’s Foundation. I will be bald as of March 14 and so will Mary Beth, two days later on the 16th.

If you would like to sponsor Mary Beth, click her name. To sponsor me, click my name, Paul. It doesn’t matter who you sponsor, either way it benefits a great cause. Hey, I know, just split your donation between the two of us!

Oh, one last thing. Let’s see how smart we are. After only one week, go the poll to the right of the blog and choose whom you think will be the Sole Survivor. Come May, it will be interesting to see how many votes were cast for the eventual winner. Until next time…from the booth.

Here’s The Deal…

One week from today is going to be a special day of sorts for me. A few significant things will be happening on February 13. Here’s the deal; the most important thing is that it is Ash Wednesday, a Christian observance that marks the first day of Lent. It follows Fat Tuesday, which typically features Mardi Gras celebration. It is a time for fasting, abstinence from meat and prayer in preparation for Easter. I do the fasting and no meat thing on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, with no meat on any Friday during Lent.

Besides the standard dietary adjustments for Lent, I am once again giving up pizza. This has pretty much become a tradition for me. I even “practiced” by abstaining from pizza back in December during Advent. It’s really not that tough for me anymore. The only real problem is deciding where to purchase my final pre-Lent pizza.

Now here’s the deal, this year I’m going to use the blog poll to help me make this crucial decision. The choices are– Luigi’s Pizza Kitchen, Pa’s Pizzeria and Valeo’s Pizza. These are currently my three favorite Kenosha pizza parlors. The poll will be open until Sunday night at 7:00, so please make sure you vote.

It should be noted that in addition to my gastronomic restrictions during Lent, I will also increase my prayer quotient. Starting next Wednesday, I will read the daily Scriptures, say the Rosary along with a couple of chaplets. The plan is to do this each morning either before, or right after breakfast. Ideally, I should be doing this on a daily basis. Hopefully I will be able to continue this practice after Lent.

On a much lesser note, I am also giving up something else for Lent – playing games on Facebook. That’s right, no more Words With Friends, Bejeweled Blitz, Candy Crush Saga, Scrabble® or Song Pop until Easter. So don’t start any new games with me after next Monday!

Okay, Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent is one reason why February 13 will be a noteworthy day for me. However, there is another event worthy of attention. Here’s the deal, at 7:00 pm, Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites premiers on CBS. Remarkably, the two-hour special celebrates the 26th season of the award-winning reality show. The Fans vs. Favorites format makes this season opener even more of a red-letter occasion.

Here are the lineups for the two 10 castaway teams:

The Fan tribe, Gota is made up of: Hope Driskill, Eddie Fox, Allie Pohevitz, Michael Snow, Julie Landauer, Matt Bischoff, Reynold Toepfer, Sherri Biethman, Laura Alexander and Shamar Thomas.

The Bikal tribe consists of these Favorites: Corinne Kaplan, Phil Sheppard, Francseca Hogi, Erick Reichenbach, Brenda Lowe, Dawn Meehan, Brandon Hantz, Andrea Boehlke, John Cochran and Mary Beth’s boyfr… oops, Malcolm Freberg.

Speaking of Malcolm’s boyfr… next Wednesday marks the return of the Official Survivor Recap Trilogy featuring my talented friends, Mary Beth and Jamie. This will be the fourth season that this sharp-witted duo joins me in writing the recap. This is just one more reason that February 13 is a day to look forward to.

To recap, first of all, help me choose where I should purchase my final pre-Lent pizza by casting your vote in the poll. Secondly, finish all your Facebook games with me by next Tuesday. Next, don’t forget to set your DVR or TiVo for CBS at 7:00 pm on February 13.

Finally, there is one other thing for you if you are still in need of something to do. After next Wednesday, there is only one short month until I get my rather sizable head shaved to raise money for St. Baldrick’s Foundation’s fight against childhood cancer. Forty generous people have already stepped forward and sponsored me. If you can find it in your heart to help, click on this sentence to be linked to my donation page. Thanks.

Until next time…from the booth.

We All Have A Charlie

Over the years I have made numerous friends on Facebook, people that I never would have imagined becoming acquainted with. Of course, some of these relationships are closer than others. One of the more noteworthy connections I have made is with a family in England. It started out by playing online games with a lady named Bev. Before I knew it, I was friends with her six sisters and four brothers. Today I have 20 Facebook friends from across the pond. Not only the brothers and sisters, but also their children, nephews and nieces. I consider it a blessing to have these lovely people in my life. Without them I would have never learned about a very special little boy named Charlie.

Charlie was the son of a close friend of Bev’s sister, Debbie. Charlie’s mum and Debbie were so close that Charlie called her his second mum. He even referred to her young son Jake as his brother. Even though Charlie was 4 1/2 years older than Jake, they were best buddies.

However, things began to change for Charlie. He developed a tumor in his leg. It was found to be cancerous and he had to have his leg amputated just below the knee. The doctors thought this was the end of the cancer, but regrettably it was not. The cancer had spread into Charlie’s bones; he would need treatment to battle the disease.

It was during this treatment that there was another metastasis and the cancer had spread into Charlie’s lungs. A short time later, Charlie could no longer fight the disease and passed away at the age of 9. Jake, who was only 5 at the time, could not understand where his friend had gone. His parents told him that Charlie was now in heaven and was a star shining in the sky. Seven years later, Jake still looks into the evening sky for Charlie.

More children are lost to cancer in the United States than any other disease, in fact more than many other childhood diseases combined. Worldwide, a child is diagnosed with cancer every three minutes. Before they turn 20, about 1 in 300 boys and 1 in 333 girls will have cancer.

Because Charlie’s story had moved me so deeply, I wanted to do something to help fight childhood cancer. I was familiar with the St. Baldrick’s Foundation and decided to get involved with their cause. The idea for St. Baldrick’s began in 1999 when Tim Kenny issued a challenge to colleagues John Bender and Enda McDonnell to shave their heads for donations in order to raise funds for kids with cancer.

In 2004 the St. Baldrick’s Foundation was created to maximize this volunteer-driven effort. The priorities were to spend as little as possible to raise each dollar, and making sure every donation goes to the best research to find cures for kids fighting cancer.

Last year, St. Baldrick’s volunteers raised more than $30 million by shaving heads. That record-setting fundraising effort allowed the foundation to hit a milestone — $100 million in childhood cancer research grants since 2005. Each passing milestone means the lives of children with cancer are being dramatically improved through the support of the St. Baldrick’s Foundation.

Obviously, in order for the momentum of this effort to continue, volunteers are needed. That’s why I have committed to having my head shaved on March 14th in an effort to raise money for the St. Baldrick’s Foundation. Hopefully, I will find enough generous sponsors to help me make a difference.

Young or old, cancer sucks. Whether it’s family or friends, we all have been touched by cancer. My good friend Jamie’s brother John Burhani is battling a rare form of cancer, NK T cell Lymphoma. Because the cost to fight cancer is so very expensive, there is a fundraiser for John on Sunday, Feb. 10th from 2 pm to 5 pm at the UAW 72 Hall on Washington Road.

We all have a Charlie in our life. If you would like to help me fight childhood cancer, I would be honored to have you as a sponsor. For details, I can be reached on Facebook or via my email at vag57@wi.rr.com.

This was the “My Turn” column in today’s Kenosha News. Please help fight cancer. Attend the fundraiser for John Burhani on Sunday. Sponsor me by clicking here for the link to my St. Baldrick’s page. Thanks.

Until next time…from the booth.

Are You Kidding Me?

Only 4 short weeks ago, Mary Beth, Jamie and myself were wrapping up Survivor: Philippines. Yes, it was only 28 days ago that Denise, the midget sex therapist was declared Sole Survivor of season 25 and took $1,000,000 back to Iowa. It seems like only yesterday.

Want to guess what’s happening in 30 days? Yep, season 26 of the award-winning reality show premiers. Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favourites opens with a special two-hour episode on February 13th. That happens to be Ash Wednesday and is the eve of St. Valentine’s Day.

I know. Are you kidding me?!?

Well, I’m not. Here are the two tribes, complete with a short bio and a “Vag’s Evaluation” about each contestant.

Gota Tribe – Fans

Back Row: Hope, Eddie, Allie, Michael and Julie

Front Row: Matt, Reynold, Sherri, Laura and Shamar

 
Laura Alexander (23)
Washington, D.C.
Administrative Officer
Vag’s Evaluation: Look for her to go deep into the game. Also, she’s easy on the eyes. Very easy. I just hope RC doesn’t read this…

Sherri Biethman (41)
Boise, Idaho
Fast Food Franchisee
Vag’s Evaluation: Anyone who has their own fast food joint can’t be all bad. Unfortunately, a personal issue at home might make the game too tough for her emotionally.

Matt Bischoff (38)
Cincinnati, Ohio
BMX Bike Sales
Vag’s Evaluation: Dude, you ain’t Rupert. I don’t see Matt hanging around very long. He’ll be back home listening to ZZ Top before you can say, “La Grange”.

Hope Driskill (23)
Jefferson City, Missouri
Pre Law School
Vag’s Evaluation: Blonde hair, blue eyed pre-law school student with a pretty smile. Been there, done that. Next…

Edward “Eddie” Fox (23)
Brunswick, New York
Fireman/EMT
Vag’s Evaluation: This guy is almost too perfect. Hunky fireman who is outgoing, competitive and hard working. Plus, he is definitely eye candy for female viewers. Wait, I found a flaw. His favorite Survivor contestant is Boston Rob. He’s done.

Julie Landauer (21)
Stanford, California
Racecar Driver
Vag’s Evaluation: Not sure about this one. She might have potential, but the racecar thing makes me think of Danica Patrick. And that’s not a good thing. Danica’s abrasive personality has always overshadowed her good looks for me.

Alexandra “Allie” Pohevitz (25)
Oceanside, New York
Bartender
Vag’s Evaluation: Another pretty little blonde. Her bio on the CBS site had this tidbit: Allie was asked if you could have 3 things on the island, what would they be? Her answer was: Eyeliner, Hair Detangler and Crest White Strips. Okay…

Michael Snow (44)
New York, New York
Event Planner
Vag’s Evaluation: The guy is an event planner. Okay. For some reason, I picture him running around the island waving his arms in the air shouting, “people, people!” That being said, he probably has a strong social game.

Shamar Thomas (27)
Brooklyn, New York
Iraq War Veteran
Vag’s Evaluation: A big, burly Marine who fought in Iraq. I have the utmost respect for these guys. Regrettably, they typically never do well on the game of Survivor. Except for Shambo…

Reynold Toepfer (30)
San Francisco, California
Real Estate Sales Man
Vag’s Evaluation: Another fellow for the female fans to swoon over. Looks like the total package. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him hanging around for quite a while.

Bikal Tribe – Favourites

Back Row: Corinne, Phil, Malcolm, Francseca, Erick and Brenda

Front Row: Dawn, Brandon, Andrea and Cochran

Andrea Boehlke (23)
Previous Season: Redemption Island
New York, New York
Entertainment Host and Writer
Vag’s Evaluation: A Wisconsin girl who moved to New York. What’s up with that? Like we don’t have enough culture here. Cheese is loaded with culture. Plus more blonde hair and blue eyes. Where’s my RC?

Brandon Hantz (21)
Previous Season: South Pacific
Katy, Texas
Chemical Disposal
Vag’s Evaluation: Oh great, they bring back a Hantz and it’s not Russell. All we’re going to get from this space cadet is praying, crying and weirdness. Plenty o’ weirdness.

Brenda Lowe (30)
Previous Season: Nicaragua
Miami, Florida
Paddleboat Company Owner
Vag’s Evaluation: She has loads of potential. Loads. Potential to take RC’s place on Wednesday nights for me, that is. Alas, I seem to recall she was very arrogant, snotty and didn’t play well with others. Ahhhh!!! It’s Abi!

Corinne Kaplan (33)
Previous Season: Gabon
Los Angeles, California
Clinical Consultant
Vag’s Evaluation: When asked for the 3 words to describe herself, she said: snarky, irreverent and opinionated. Wonderful. Hopefully there will be plenty of interaction between her and Brandon. Can you say fireworks?

Dawn Meehan (42)
Previous Season: South Pacific
South Jordan, Utah
English Professor
Vag’s Evaluation: Ah, the Mom from Utah. If my memory serves me correctly, she started out last time freaking out and crying that shouldn’t handle it. Then, out of the blue, she morphed into a strong competitor. Which Dawn is going to show up for season 26? Hmm…

Erick Reichenbach (27)
Previous Season: Micronesia
Santa Clarita, California
Comic Book Artist
Vag’s Evaluation: Who made this guy a Favourite? This guy was one of the biggest dopes in Survivor history. The female alliance from Micronesia had this nincompoop jumping through hoops. Get him out of there. Now.

Francesca Hogi (38)
Previous Season: Redemption Island
Brooklyn, New York
Attorney
Vag’s Evaluation: She was the first castaway voted off of Redemption Island, yet she made a lasting impression on Hall of Famer Russell Hantz. Recently on Twitter, Hantz said she was one of his favorite people. High praise indeed.

John Cochran (25)
Previous Season: South Pacific
Washington, D.C.
Harvard Law Student
Vag’s Evaluation: Great, the über-geek is back. I do believe that Jamie had a soft spot for this mensch. While I don’t possess the same fondness for the nerd, I must admit he makes for interesting television.

Phil Sheppard (54)
Previous Season: Redemption Island
Santa Monica, California
Chief Executive Officer of Enter Software Sales
Vag’s Evaluation: Speaking of interesting television, Special Agent Phil is back. YES! Hopefully he will be sporting his pink drawers again. Oh baby!!!

Mary Beth’s boyfr… oops, Malcolm Freberg (25)
Previous Season: Philippines
Hermosa Beach, California
Bartender
Vag’s Evaluation: First things first. I must cry foul. Why does get her boyfr… oops, Malcolm back and there is no RC for moi? It isn’t right. That being said, how can you not like him? Check out this gem from the CBS site. When asked what his personal claim to fame was, he responded, “Once spent over a month with Abi-Maria Gomes, and I’m still considered legally sane by the state of California.”

One last thing, you may have noticed that I have been spelling favorite - “favourite”. That is to pay homage to dedicated Trilogy follower, Sue Symes. She is from Great Britain, doesn’t see Survivor, yet faithfully follows via this blog. Thank you, Sue.

Until next time…from the booth.