Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Survivor 26.9

Here is the Official Bodacious Baldies Survivor: Caramoan Recap for week nine:

Mary Beth’s 2Cents: You know, sometimes when I'm watching Survivor I am awed by how even after all these seasons stuff happens that just floors me. The show will be rolling along with the usual aspects and then BOOM something will go awry or someone will do something completely stupid and I get a whole new sense of joy in loving this show. Tonight started as usual. Returning from Tribal Council, everyone is patting themselves on the back for getting rid of Corinne.

Reynold, who was in Corinne's alliance doesn't seem to care much that she's gone and actually sees it as a victory for him. Malcolm starts to take a hard look at who is left and whom he thinks might help him go further in the game. Special Agent Phil is off in his loopy land and inducts Sherri into the Stealth R Us alliance. Sherri just smiled and nodded and went along with it, as they all do, but later compared Phil to Shamar in that she thinks she'll be able to control him for votes later on.

At Reward Challenge, the tribe is split into two teams. They play a type of Diving Soccer where one person has to dive into the water while hurling a ball into a net and another person from the opposing team tries to block it. Right from the get-go this was an easy challenge. Even Mr. Nonathletic, Cochran managed to score a goal. The purple team won (Michael, Eddie, Erik, Reynold and Cochran) and they were whisked away to rappel down a waterfall and have a feast. I need to take a moment right here though to express how deeply grateful I am to the producers for the many lovely shots of Malcolm, standing shirtless on a pedestal, glistening with droplets of water. It was a glorious sight to be sure.


Meanwhile, at the waterfall feast, Reynold is basking in what he calls the “locker room guy mentality” and he urges the men at the table to “bro down and take the strong guys to the end”. Cochran, who surely has never been invited to the bro-parties in real life, shudders to think any of them would think he would ever find that proposition appealing on any level. Favorite line of the night is from Cochran who says, “I won't be engaging in any sort of masculine tomfoolery with these numbskulls!”

Back at camp, Malcolm is trying to schmooze the ladies into seeing things his way. He's chatting up Dawn and Sherri and trying to get them to align with him. Dawn always puzzles me. She's always somewhere between bursting into tears and running to tattle everything she knows to anyone that will listen. She just doesn't seem all that bright to me and now she wants to turn on my Malcolm.

Oh really??

Of course, when Special Agent Phil hears Malcolm's ideas he gets his pink undies in a bundle and decides that Malcolm should go. It was at this point that I had to hold back from punching him right in the head through my TV. Meanwhile, at the lagoon, Eddie and Andrea are canoodling and looking like a real couple except that Andrea is a little snake that can't be trusted. She's working the bikini pretty hard trying to get Eddie to spill some information.

At Immunity Challenge, each person is submerged under a metal grid and they have to stay there as the tide rolls in. This leaves them very little breathing space. Last one there, wins. Phil, he of the giant nose, is the first one out. One by one they drop out with Andrea and Brenda being the last two. Brenda cleverly makes some kind of snorkel out of her hands and she wins immunity.

Before Tribal Council, everyone starts scrambling. Malcolm goes to Andrea and tells her he's 100% with her so she tells him to vote for Reynold. Eddie goes to Andrea to get info but she's not giving it up that easy even though she is obviously attracted to the boy. They get into this long convoluted conversation that could rival Abbott and Costello's Who's On First by the time their done.

Eddie lets her know she might be a target, which sends her running to her alliance to change their votes from Malcolm to Michael because “Michael's easier” or something like that. Once they finally get to Tribal it's anybody's guess who's voting for whom. Cochran got in some classic eye rolling which they zoomed in on every time Phil started speaking.

Probst asks if anyone has an idol and wants to play it they should step up and… dah dah daaaaaaammm… Reynold steps up to do just that! BUT… dah dah daaaaaammmm… before he can do it Malcolm pleads with him to give him the idol because he's sure they're voting him off. Astonishingly, Reynold's hands him the idol! DAH DAH DAAAAAAAMMM!!! And, the best part? It was all for naught because they all voted off Michael anyway! HAHA!! That's right. One of the most dramatic Tribal Councils ever and it was all for nothing. I swear. You cannot make this stuff up!

Vag’s Evaluation: Okay, can someone please tell me what just happened? I’m confused. So confused. And from the looks on the faces of some of the castaways during Tribal Council, I wasn’t the only one confused. The extremely cerebral Cochran looked confused. The suddenly slimy Malcolm looked confused. Air-headed Andrea looked confused. But, then again she always does. Dawn looked confused, bewildered and a bit constipated. And finally, Michael looked confused and pissed. He was voted off.

Again I ask, what just happened?

The show started off innocently enough with some uncharacteristic piano music gently playing in the background as Eddie hit on Andrea. Then the Specialist (Phil), while wearing his smart girl glasses, told Sherri she was a hottie and dubbed her “Tenacity”. Evidently she was officially inducted into Stealth R Us.

After that they moved directly to a Reward Challenge. That’s right, we were being treated to two challenges this evening. It was a dandy. They picked teams, schoolyard style. The Orange team consisted of Brenda, Andrea, Malcolm, the Specialist and Dawn. The Purple team featured Eddie, Erik, Reynold, Michael and Cochran. Alas, Sherri, the newest member of Stealth R Us was not chosen.

Basically the challenge was an above water version of water polo with the goalies perched on a stand in front of the net. The shooters took running leaps off a pier while attempting to toss the ball into the goal. Malcolm and Michael tended goal for their respective teams. The challenge was tied at three when Erik of the Purple team scored the deciding goal.

Want to know what they were playing for?

The triumphant members of the Purple team were whisked off to a beautiful waterfall. Once there, they rappelled down to the bottom of waterfall where they enjoyed a scrumptious lunch. Reynold, noticing the all-guy locker room atmosphere, declared, “Let’s Bro down and take all guys to the end!” To this Cochran wrinkled his sunburnt nose and responded, “I don’t want to be engaging in any masculine tomfoolery with these numbskulls.”

I love that spaz.

Between the Reward and Immunity Challenges, the skullduggery (and confusion) began. Malcolm confided his secret plans with Sherri, who promptly squealed to Andrea and Dawn. They in turn, like good little soldiers, took the findings to the Specialist. Before I could figure out what he was babbling, Eddie and Andrea were making goo-goo eyes at each other again.

This is where I started getting confused.

While my head was beginning to hurt, the Immunity Challenge was starting. It was a classic. The eleven castaways got in the water beneath a grate and had to remain there while the tide came in. Eventually the water would rise above the grate and people would start to drown. Not really, but close. The last person to come out from under the grate wins Immunity.

Here is the order the castaways bowed out: The Specialist, Sherri, Erik, Dawn, Malcolm, Michael, Eddie, Cochran, Reynold and Andrea with the lovely Brenda winning. I swelled with pride when Probst put the Immunity Necklace around my newly appointed girlfriends slender neck. I actually shouted YES! Not as loud as when Corinne got voted off last week, but I did indeed shout.

It was at this point when I became totally confused. I had no idea what was going on. Malcolm was making deals all over the place. Reynold was threatening Dawn. Dawn started crying, which made Andrea cry. At one point everyone was scheming except Brenda and Erik. Brenda because she had Immunity and Erik because he is a total ignoramus.

Things didn’t improve at Tribal Council. Eddie referred to Sherri as the Stealth R Us puppet, while the Specialist kept talking about the strategy he used when he was on Redemption Island. This amused Probst greatly. This is when the confused looks started popping up.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get anymore more convoluted, when Probst asked if anyone had a Hidden Immunity Idol and wanted to play it, Malcolm convinced Reynold to give him his. What a dolt! This oozed of irony because Malcolm voted for Reynold to go home! In the end, Michael ended up being voted off and called the rest of the tribe turkeys as he departed.

Again, I have to ask, what just happened?

Oh well, from the coming attractions it looks like Dawn comes unhinged. Better get ready for another sob fest. Until next time…from the booth.

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