Aaayyy!

This weekend proved very enlightening for yours truly. Saturday afternoon at approximately 3:00 pm I discovered that “Fonzie” was still the diminutive Italian character that wore a leather jacket on Happy Days. I was extremely relieved to find he had not become a 6’1” 180 lb. Dominican who plays leftfield for the Chicago Cubs.

But my weekend of enlightenment did not end there.

Not only did I learn that the leftfielder for the Cubs was actually Alfonso Soriano and not “Fonzie”, I also was clued in to a few other facts. Besides the Cubs leftfielder, their ace pitcher, first baseman and third baseman also had real names!

Indeed, all four of these players had honest-to-goodness adult names. In addition to Soriano in left, the Cubs have a pitcher named Carlos Zambrano, not “The Big Z”. Their first baseman is not “D-Lee”. No, he is Derrek Lee. And, believe it or not, Aramis Ramírez plays third base, not “Rommy”.

Thanks to the professionalism of Thom Brennaman and Mark Grace, I was made aware of the quartet’s actual names. The key word in this sentence is professionalism! Brennaman and Grace did the Cubs game on Saturday for Fox and not one “Fonzie” was uttered.

Professionalism isn’t in the makeup of the two gentlemen that masquerade as broadcasters for the team they cover in the third largest market in the country. And I am not talking about Ken Harrelson and Steve Stone.

Before going any further I must tell those who don’t know me that I am not a Chicago Cubs fan. I was for a few years in the ‘60s, however the arrival of the Brewers in Milwaukee changed all of that.

Since then I have developed a passionate dislike for Chicago sports teams, with the strongest disdain being held for the team on the northside. That being said, it is not this aversion to the Cubs that makes me cringe when Len Kasper and Bob Brenly do a game.

Whether the game is on WGN or Comcast, there is always the same glib, over-familiar banter oozing out over the airwaves. I happened to turn the game on Friday afternoon just as it was beginning. I was greeted with, “Hi everyone, Len and Bob here with all the gang from WGN!”

Len who? Bob who? Who’s in this WGN gang? Fonzie? D-Lee and The Big Z? Maybe Rommy! There have been times when Alfonso Soriano was at-bat that neither “Len” nor “Bob” referred to him by Soriano. Nope, it was always “Fonzie”.

Hell, I would have settled for an Alfonso. Maybe I have truly become middle-aged man, but you would expect a tad of professionalism from this duo. Being funny and personable is one thing, however the amateurish presumptuousness of Kasper and Brenly is a bit much. I’m not their next-door neighbor!

Being a big fan, I watch, a boatload of baseball games. With the Brewers, White Sox and Cubs available most of the time, there are also games on ESPN, Fox and TBS to choose from. With the advent of the new MLB network I now have a veritable cornucopia of games for my viewing pleasure.

Being able to watch games on all the different networks at my disposal, I am now able to hear a variety of broadcasters along with their differing styles. Some I like more than others for one reason or another.

The smug, know-it-all color commentary of Steve Stone or Joe Morgan is something that I can do without. The combo of Brennaman and Grace did a nice job covering the Cubs/Cardinals game Saturday, although Grace might want to say no to a Lucky Strike now and then. Matt Vasgersian is a fine example of an announcer that can show some personality while doing a game.

Whether I like them or not, what Vasgersian and all the others have that Kasper and Brenly lack is professionalism. Using a player’s nickname is okay once in a while during the course of a game, but not relentlessly. Some sense of decorum is required.

Arthur Fonzarelli is “Fonzie”. He always has been and always will be. Not Alfonso Soriano, despite what Len Kasper and Bob Brenly might lead you to believe. Until next time…from the booth.