The most enjoyable season of Survivor came to an end last night. It was late and I was a bit verklempt at the moment, so I did not write a blog. After a rather restless sleep I have decided to “man-up” and put my feelings into words. But I must lay some groundwork first. Please humor me. My emotions are still running at a fevered pitch. Remember, the most epic season of the greatest reality show ever just came to a grinding halt. It’s over.
Do me a favor and try to recall Christmas time when you were younger. Now call to mind the days leading up to Christmas day. Beautifully wrapped packages began to appear under the magnificent tree while delicious cookies were being baked on a seemingly daily basis. Friends and relatives that you see only during this special time would stop by, often bearing gifts. It was a wonderful time, wasn’t it?
Finally the excruciating waiting was put to an end and Christmas day arrived! As dawn broke you ran to the tree and tore into the pile of gifts expecting all kinds of incredible things. Indeed there were many terrific things to be found, toys, and books, even a check from aunt Betty. Spectacular, sensational gifts that exceeded your wildest expectations.
Eventually you would get down to the last present, the one you saved for last because you just knew that it was going to be something very special. You would pause briefly and then open it ever so carefully. Off came the sparkly paper and pretty bow to reveal a box. Taking a deep breath you opened the box to reveal what you had been waiting so long for.
And there it was – underwear.
All that built up anticipation and excitement for underwear. You would try to hide your disappointment by reminding yourself of all the other awesome gifts that you had received. But try as you might, it didn’t work. It was still underwear.
If you are able to empathize with this, you now know how I feel about the Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains finale last night. This historic season had so many memorable moments in it. The Immunity Challenges were exciting and climatic; all the elements were there for a unforgettable finish. Then Sandra was declared the Sole Survivor and I got my underwear.
I knew Russell didn’t have a prayer, but a guy can wish can’t he? Even the petulant Pavarti winning would have been less of a let down, but Sandra? I was so distraught that I didn’t even make my traditional call to FSG Auntie Janet. She had to call me. Then she rubbed it in!
Composing myself, I was able to watch and enjoy the reunion show following the opening of the underwear. It was sort of like going to Grandma’s house after Mass for the Vagnoni Christmas feast. Here are some of the random observations that I scribbled on my note pad.
Seeing Jonny Fairplay in attendance was somewhat of a surprise. I thought that he had burned his bridges with the Survivor hierarchy. Maybe he bought a ticket.
Another surprise was that Boston Rob does his cloth shopping at the Army surplus store. At least his baby was cute.
Rupert’s act is tired and old. You’re not a pirate! Just an old hippy that is insecure and looking for approval.
Moments after the shock of Jeff Probst asking Amanda if she was a loser in her real life as well, I realized she still has a thing for James.
While we are on the subject of having a thing for someone, how about Probst’s man-crush on the hunky Colby Donaldson? Fairly obvious, but kind of cute.
One last romantic observation from the reunion show. The “bro-mance” between Coach and his twerpy sidekick Tyson was also obvious but was in no way cute. It was just creepy. Yuck.
Speaking of creepy, how about StephEnie and Danielle’s eyebrows? Lillian Munster’s makeup was subtler.
Russell the Hall-of-Famer never stops playing the game. He is one of the most competitive people I have ever seen. I was glad to see him win the Sprint favorite player award. At least America loves him.
Candice has some definite issues and reads way too much into things. Her comments lead me to think maybe she should be a marriage counselor. Or better yet, a bartender.
Like Christmas I have saved the underwear for last. Sandra did nothing during the reunion show to change my opinion of her. When I saw her shove her $1,000,000 check into her bra on the CBS Early show, it was reinforced. I will leave it at that.
That’s it. The 20th season of Survivor has come to an end. It’s over. But damn, I didn’t want underwear. Until next time…from the booth.