Monday, May 17, 2010

It’s Over And I Got Underwear!

The most enjoyable season of Survivor came to an end last night. It was late and I was a bit verklempt at the moment, so I did not write a blog. After a rather restless sleep I have decided to “man-up” and put my feelings into words. But I must lay some groundwork first. Please humor me. My emotions are still running at a fevered pitch. Remember, the most epic season of the greatest reality show ever just came to a grinding halt. It’s over.

Do me a favor and try to recall Christmas time when you were younger. Now call to mind the days leading up to Christmas day. Beautifully wrapped packages began to appear under the magnificent tree while delicious cookies were being baked on a seemingly daily basis. Friends and relatives that you see only during this special time would stop by, often bearing gifts. It was a wonderful time, wasn’t it?

Finally the excruciating waiting was put to an end and Christmas day arrived! As dawn broke you ran to the tree and tore into the pile of gifts expecting all kinds of incredible things. Indeed there were many terrific things to be found, toys, and books, even a check from aunt Betty. Spectacular, sensational gifts that exceeded your wildest expectations.

Eventually you would get down to the last present, the one you saved for last because you just knew that it was going to be something very special. You would pause briefly and then open it ever so carefully. Off came the sparkly paper and pretty bow to reveal a box. Taking a deep breath you opened the box to reveal what you had been waiting so long for.

And there it was – underwear.

All that built up anticipation and excitement for underwear. You would try to hide your disappointment by reminding yourself of all the other awesome gifts that you had received. But try as you might, it didn’t work. It was still underwear.

If you are able to empathize with this, you now know how I feel about the Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains finale last night. This historic season had so many memorable moments in it. The Immunity Challenges were exciting and climatic; all the elements were there for a unforgettable finish. Then Sandra was declared the Sole Survivor and I got my underwear.

I knew Russell didn’t have a prayer, but a guy can wish can’t he? Even the petulant Pavarti winning would have been less of a let down, but Sandra? I was so distraught that I didn’t even make my traditional call to FSG Auntie Janet. She had to call me. Then she rubbed it in!

Composing myself, I was able to watch and enjoy the reunion show following the opening of the underwear. It was sort of like going to Grandma’s house after Mass for the Vagnoni Christmas feast. Here are some of the random observations that I scribbled on my note pad.

Seeing Jonny Fairplay in attendance was somewhat of a surprise. I thought that he had burned his bridges with the Survivor hierarchy. Maybe he bought a ticket.

Another surprise was that Boston Rob does his cloth shopping at the Army surplus store. At least his baby was cute.

Rupert’s act is tired and old. You’re not a pirate! Just an old hippy that is insecure and looking for approval.

Moments after the shock of Jeff Probst asking Amanda if she was a loser in her real life as well, I realized she still has a thing for James.

While we are on the subject of having a thing for someone, how about Probst’s man-crush on the hunky Colby Donaldson? Fairly obvious, but kind of cute.

One last romantic observation from the reunion show. The “bro-mance” between Coach and his twerpy sidekick Tyson was also obvious but was in no way cute. It was just creepy. Yuck.

Speaking of creepy, how about StephEnie and Danielle’s eyebrows? Lillian Munster’s makeup was subtler.

Russell the Hall-of-Famer never stops playing the game. He is one of the most competitive people I have ever seen. I was glad to see him win the Sprint favorite player award. At least America loves him.

Candice has some definite issues and reads way too much into things. Her comments lead me to think maybe she should be a marriage counselor. Or better yet, a bartender.

Like Christmas I have saved the underwear for last. Sandra did nothing during the reunion show to change my opinion of her. When I saw her shove her $1,000,000 check into her bra on the CBS Early show, it was reinforced. I will leave it at that.

That’s it. The 20th season of Survivor has come to an end. It’s over. But damn, I didn’t want underwear. Until next time…from the booth.


Leplume said...

LMAO! Paul, you nailed this one on the head! It was exactly like getting underwear for Christmas. And not even Spiderman undies which might have been acceptable. It was the kind your Grandma would buy because they were durable, not stylish.

Sandra did earn that win. And, I agree, even if Parvati had won it would have made more sense. The jury's vote was a collective "We're mad at you so were taking our toys and going home" attitude. They could not see Russell's genius through their own emotions. Pity. Because he is the greatest player this game ever had. Even good ol' Richard Hatch won his season because the others could see that even in his "snaky-ness" he did outwit them.

Everything I ever liked about Rupert has been blown out of the water. He is a wimp, a whiner and a loser. And at what point does a grown man realize that tie dyed tank tops just aren't a great fashion statement outside of a Grateful Dead concert?

Still, this season was epic. The next group of players has their work cut out for them. It will be hard to top the things that Russell managed to pull off in this season. Hell, they should give Russell his own show. He could out-Trump the Donald. And he certainly deserved the million.

Thursdays are going to be sooo boring from now on.

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

I know what you mean Mary, Thursdays will be very boring now. I will have to figure out a regular weekly topic or something, especially when I finish with the book.

Sue said...

Don't think I have ever kept underwear until last! But your description of unwrapping Cjhristmas presents does fit very well with the sequence of events in the final. You always said that our Hall of Famer would not win - he plays the game far too well. 'Til the next time, and as for Blogs on Thursdays perhaps we could have some more stories of the Koos - I am sure you must have some.

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

UK Sue, I told you he wouldn't win. He did receive $100,000 for being voted the Sprint Favorite by the fans.

As far as Koos stories go, I just may have a few more up my sleeve…

Gregory (Greg) P Turco said...

I could have respected Russell if he won, but I am still glad he didn't. I was surprised Parvati did not win. I don't see what the jury saw in Sandra.

Parvati did predict that Sandra would win.

Gregory (Greg) P Turco said...

This was one of the most entertaining seasons, so despite the end, I liked watching it.

I hate Russell so I couldn't be happier that he did not get a single vote. Parvati deserved to win, but I think she was too closely associated with Russell.

Russell should have listed to Parvati and brought Jerri to the end.

It was a good season; now I need another show from Thursdays.

Anonymous said...

Russell sure made the show interesting. I will miss his antics in future seasons. But he played the exact same game as he did the first time. It's foolish to do the same thing twice and expect a different outcome the second time around.

It's kind of hard to believe that he could totally miss the social end of the game so completely. He seems too smart for that. Guess I'm the one who's foolish for believing he would figure out he needed to be nice to someone!

And, Paul, thanks for writing your blog ever week. I really enjoyed reading it after every show. It's part of my whole Survivor experience now. I appreciate the time and thought you spend on writing it. Great work!

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Anonymous, thank you so much for the kind words. I am glad that you enjoyed it. By the way, is this Alaska Karen?

Karen Rorek said...

Ooopsy! I didn't realize I was anonymous!!! Karen is right but Alaska is wrong.

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Thanks Karen! I guess you can be K-Town Karen.