Thursday, November 10, 2011

Survivor 23.9

Here’s your Official Survivor: South Pacific Recap Trilogy for week 9:

Tonight's episode of Survivor had the usual challenges and the usual arguments and even had some muffins and donuts thrown in for good measure. But, overwhelmingly, what tonight's episode was teeming with was EGO! Nobodies ego is bigger than Ozzy's!

I sat for a long time trying to figure out what it is about Ozzy that makes people throw all common sense to the wind and follow him blindly wherever he goes. I can't understand it because, by Survivor standards, Ozzy is not the slickest player on the island. He isn't even the most cunning.

Any plan he's put together has been so blatantly transparent that everyone else knows it's happening as it's happening. His complete “What have you done!?” look when someone really pulls something off (see Cochran) is the closest he gets to true emotion. This season, Ozzy is all about himself and bad acting.

Coach continues to be Coach with his Coach-chi and shaking fist prayers in the surf. Those dramatic moments with the surging musical score are what I live for! Ha ha! I hate to admit it but I'm starting to really like him.

He's less intense and a bit more open to his tribe mates but not in a creepy stalker way. I can appreciate the quiet way he's leading them right where he needs them to be by playing into their need to belong and feel like family. He's got that part sewn up. I think he's headed to the final two.

The challenges this time were pretty usual – some tossing of coconuts, some balancing. What set the last challenge apart was the fact that most of the players opted to eat a truckload of sweets rather than compete. Can't say I blame them, those donuts looked good!

I had to wonder though what horrible after effects they would experience. I mean, a person goes without sugar for two months and than over loads on the stuff…well, there's bound to be some fireworks, if you get my meaning.

Brandon had another wonderfully confused moment at Tribal Council. He did have sort of a point but he's such a bumble head he just couldn't quite get it out. Dawn tried her best to apologize for “miscommunication” but, let's face it, Dawn wanted a donut too and she was miffed she didn't get it or Immunity!

Redemption Island should be a hoot. I'm kind of hoping Keith wins and sends both Ozzy and Jim packing. I'm over the two of them and their inflated egos. And, honestly, Ozzy has some acting lessons waiting for him somewhere.

As expected, this week’s episode began with Cochran getting a verbal whipping from his self-righteous former Savaii tribe mates after he switched allegiance and took up with the other team. Hey, the poor guy is just trying to stay alive in the game and his rationale made perfect sense to me. Why would anyone want to go to the rocks?

It’s ironic that the others would expect Cochran to keep allegiance with them after most of them treated him like a loser and an outcast for so many days. If Savaii was a smarter and less self-involved group, they would have seen it coming.

As Ozzy confronted Cochran about his duplicity, Brandon stepped forward again as his guardian, prompting Ozzy to say “it’s not like we’re gangsta out here”. LOL. I still think Brandon is a giant goof but he has kind of grown on me over the past few weeks. Now that he’s not stalking Mikayla anymore, he seems to have found purpose and direction in protecting Cochran, and it makes him a little more likeable.

Whoever is in charge of immunity challenges this season has an oral fixation. The first challenge this week involved splitting coconuts and then running with a mouthful of coconut water and regurgitating it into a tube. Kinda gross. Jim won immunity because he has a big mouth, plain and simple.

After the immunity challenge the atmosphere at camp became both poetic and pensive, with Coach quoting Marcus Aurelius and yet another inspirational shot of Ozzy talking about how he will never quit as he gazed at a rainbow on the horizon.

It became evident that Ozzy was going to be the next one voted off, and this sent him into a tailspin. One minute he was attempting to be humble and sociable with some of the Upolu members (he’s NOT very good at either), and on the other hand expressing disbelief and outrage at the direction things were moving.

While bathing in the sea, Jim came up with an idea (that didn’t make any sense) whereby he would give the entire tribe some sort of motivational speech about why Cochran should be voted off and then quickly give his immunity idol to Ozzy before the others could think about it. However, Jim clearly has attended the Ozzy school of charm and his speech at tribal council only served to seal the deal.

Ozzy was sent back to Redemption Island, but not before he pointed out how excellent he is at fishing and bragging that a trip back to Redemption will only serve to make him stronger and more difficult to beat when he gets back in the game.

After the vote he even thanked the others for “playing into his hands” by voting him off so he could go back to Camp Oz. Seriously? Hey Ozzy, having self-confidence is a great thing but you are a boorish megalomaniac. Cut your hair and get a job! Underwater welding perhaps?

The next day brought yet another immunity challenge. This time, those who felt confident about their position could sit out the challenge and enjoy pastries and iced coffee. Coach put forth that he would prefer to “compete” rather than “eat”, but Probst called him out on it. Of course he ate! That left Dawn, Whitney and Jim fighting for immunity.

Clunky Jim didn’t last long and it really ticked him off! Sure-footed Whitney won the balancing a ball while standing on a plank challenge. With Jim and Dawn on the chopping block, Coach weighed his options in typical Coach style by referring to Jim as a “rhino” and Dawn as a “snake”.

I don’t really see Dawn as a snake…if she is she’s a little blond one with stripy socks. However, I kind of agreed with Albert when he proposed that Dawn should be voted off first. She is quite likeable when she isn’t crying and could infiltrate their little group. But in a not so surprising move, brash Jim was sent packing.

Although the red spots on his face make me think that he is allergic to the South Pacific, Cochran otherwise enjoyed a happy week where he was an accepted part of the group. He even got to wear Coach’s Johnny Cash coat.

One last thing. Does anyone else wonder how Rick got a spot on this show? My prognosis is that he is the most boring cast member in Survivor history. Does he ever talk to the camera or express an opinion? Does he win anything or have any skills? I’m waiting for you to do something Rick…wake up dude you’re on Survivor. You made it…you can start playing now!

Just so you know, I never look at what the other two contributors turn in before doing my part. That being said, I hope their segments explain some of the details because I have bigger fish to fry tonight. Tonight’s episode really irritated me, so I have Dropkick Murphy’s cranked as I write this. It will help keep me in the proper frame of mind.

Tonight we were treated to a pair of Immunity Challenges as well as two Tribal Councils. This, coupled with last week’s cowardly betrayal by the sniveling Cochran, resulted in Ozzy and Jim being sent to join Keith on Redemption Island.

The only remaining competitors from the old Savaii tribe are Whitney and Dawn. But you really can’t count Dawn. Tonight the sucking she did would have made Monica Lewinski proud. In the long run it’s not going to matter. The Upolu “family” will eliminate both her and Whitney. Then only the “family” will remain.

But that’s when it’s going to get good.

At that point they will have to start eating their own and I am going to enjoy every second of it. Allow me to give my perspective of the seven members of the “family”.

Since Rick is a cowboy, I will use this metaphor – “he’s about a useless as tits on a bull.” Has the man said four words this season? I’m not wasting any more time on him.

Edna is another one that makes you wonder why she is still around. She too contributes very little to the game, although tonight she did cause FSG Patty 4-Names to make this facebook comment - “What about EDNA!?! Sitting there licking the frosting off that cupcake. Who DOES that?!?”

Sophie and Albert, while not the most dynamic characters in the world, at least have minds of their own. Jim summed it up well when he told them they were the only ones not drinking the Kool Aid. There may be hope for them.

Brandon, Brandon, Brandon. I hesitate to say Brandon Hantz because he is not worthy of that iconic surname. Brandon does so many things that I find aggravating and tonight he added yet another to his repertoire. He committed the cardinal sin of acting like he’s smart when he’s actually quite stupid. I can’t stand that.

Next up is the timid, sweater vest wearing Cochran. I have to admit that he does add comic relief. However, I had enough of this spineless jellyfish’s shtick after he whined about being called “indecisive, weak and even annoying” by his Savaii tribe mates. I thought those were his strong points.

The only thing I look forward to seeing from Cochran is when he finally soils himself, because it will happen. He has come close a couple of times. Hopefully he brought Adult Depends as his luxury item.

That leaves us with Coach. The Dragon Slayer. The leader of the “family”. I can’t stomach this puke anymore. You know what? Because I know it pisses him off, from this point on, I shall refer to him as Benjamin. Ha!

Maybe Ozzy, Jim or Keith can come back from Redemption Island at some point and somehow upset Benjamin’s “family”. But I’m not counting on it. I will probably have to be content watching them implode from within. Oh well…

Until next time…from the booth.


Anonymous said...

enjoyed reading all your perspectives on the game. I find it very interesting to see the differences.

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Thanks for reading! Do I know you? :)