Thursday, March 1, 2012

Survivor 24.3

Here’s the Official Survivor: One World Recap Trilogy for week three:
 

Thank heaven's there was a glorious blindside in tonight's episode because I have to say I'm getting a little perturbed with the way this season seems to be going. I know, I know…it's still early. But seriously, how much more whining and posturing can there be?

These women give women everywhere a bad name. I watch them whimpering in the rain, begging for embers, and just generally being the ultimate stereotype of “weak females” and I find myself wishing Sue Hawk would saunter into camp and bitch slap some sense unto them.

Surely, at least one of them, must have watched this show at some time. They had to know there would be rain and they would be cold and hungry. And, honestly, if you're trying out to be on Survivor wouldn't you do a little homework? Like maybe learn to make fire with flint and how to make a rain proof shelter?

One night of watching Bear Gryll's in the wild on the Learning Channel would teach you that! I'm glad their luck turned around for them and they won a reward and then immunity because at least they stopped whining for a moment!

Speaking of whining, I've about had it with Colton too. A gayer man they could not have found anywhere. I have many gay friends and none of them are as wincing, eye rolling and snooty as Colton. To hear him stereotype Bill as “ghetto” is almost laughable because Colton is a walking stereotype and an annoying one at that.

I don't know if I find him more annoying or those “roosters” as Matt called them, walking around flexing their actual and proverbial muscle. His last ditch effort to gain favor with the “cast offs” was comical. I was hoping he'd blow his stack at Tribal but he didn't which was just another disappointment in tonight's episode. Frankly, I was okay whether it was Colton or Matt to get the boot and, hopefully, next week some of the whiners will get theirs too.

I'm finding out that the only person I even remotely like on this season is Bill, the goofy big haired stoner dude. He reminds me of someone I know in real life and I find that person imminently likeable. Does Bill have the smarts to go all the way? No. But at least he'll be fun to watch for the next few weeks.

I think it's a testament to how bad I think this season is starting out that I cannot remember half of these people's names. In season's past, I would know them all. Not so this season, I can remember a few names and the others all just fade away. They are boring. So far nothing has happened to live up to the excitement of the music each week. Every dramatic twist is a let down. Something's got to give! 

 
 

It’s good to be back this week. Last week I had technical difficulties. As in someone turned off the recording of the show at my house while I was at church. Let’s just say that is not likely to happen again and leave it at that.

 So tonight as I was watching the show, about ten minutes into the episode I just thought to myself; what a bunch of assh#les! I mean it’s only a few episodes into the season but I just don’t really like anyone on this show. Usually I pick a favorite fairly early on and stick to that allegiance like glue (remember Shambo?).

Thus far this season I’m just not feeling it! I mean the women are just a disaster. I kind of like Chelsea a little bit, but I don’t get the women as a group. Mary Beth touched on this the first week; they are really a poor representation of women as a whole. These chicks are all just so hapless and helpless and catty and bitchy. I mean I’m not stuck out there myself, but why are they so sad sack wet and “prunie”?

And the men?  What a bunch of jerks! A group of poor waterlogged women come to your fire seeking just some basic comfort and you can’t oblige them? Forget chivalry…how about just some common decency??

Let them warm up! They are pathetic! Help them! Yes, yes, yes it’s a game and all, but what would be wrong with just demonstrating some decency? Some good human behavior, work together… Give a little help to them now to form stronger alliances when you merge with them later. I just think none of these people regardless of gender are very skilled at playing much of a strategic game.

And now for the come back-story! At the beginning of the show there was a lot of wet and stormy weather that lead to wet and stormy misery for the women and I was thinking… oh GOD do we have to watch them further implode?  It’s almost too painful to watch.

But then, lo and behold, they won the reward challenge consisting of fishing equipment and a canoe. The sun came out AND surprisingly they went fishing.

At the immunity challenge they started out looking pathetic. Sabrina was put in charge of guiding blindfolded pairs through a maze to collect puzzle pieces and she was terrible. The women were bumping into bamboo poles and grabbing at the air.

It looked like it would be another massacre, but the protein from the three little fish they caught earlier in the day must have been enough to kick it into high gear at the end. They excelled at puzzle solving and won immunity!

So the men had to face their first tribal council, and it quickly became apparent that they are a team divided. From the second he opened his mouth the first week; I have been disgusted by beefcakey Matt (Mary Beth that must become an official word!)

This guy is the biggest pretty boy mondo dismo ever. What an angry, egotistical, macho, mean spirited, childish, smug, ugly person. When he described the factions in the men’s tribe as the “Average Joes” versus the “Muscles” or “Roosters”, much as Paul Vagnoni does when he watches Scott Steele in the morning, I threw up a little in my mouth.

Luckily he is such a bonehead that he was completely oblivious to the machinations going on around him that involved his ouster!  Apparently even his own beefcakey types find him detestable.

At tribal council we finally got to see a little more who the men really are and guess what? They are a bunch of freaks too! I must say that I find Colton entertaining. He is over the top über-effeminate and his swishing, sashaying, running, and gay Republican baloney just adds a lot to the show for me.

As that final vote was going down and Matt was thankfully voted off, I was making a lot of the same hair toss, head and hand gestures that Colton was. I shared in his joy.

Final interesting tidbit: I thought Colton voted for Bill but it was actually fellow rooster Mike. What the heck is that all about? I guess we will find out next week.

 
 

What a bunch of boobs and asses we have this season! I’m not just talking about Alicia either, although she is more than qualified in both areas. Tonight’s episode left me with the age-old conundrum – who do I root for this season? What a mess of unlikeable human beings!

Rather than rehash the events of the evening, I would like to discuss the 15 contestants that remain in the hunt for the million dollars and title of Sole Survivor. Maybe by “thinking out loud” I will be able to come up with a few competitors that I like this season.

Salani:

Sabrina – wants to be a leader, but doesn’t want to do the dirty work. Big mouth.

Kat – a cutie that happens to be a whiny little nitwit. She could go far. This is Survivor, remember?

Monica – has been quiet so far, but that could change. She’s athletic, but hey, she’s Daunte Culpepper’s ex…

Christina – seems intelligent and hard working. Never a good combination in a tribe of all women.

Chelsea – positives are that she is very attractive and bright. The negative is she wants things from the men’s tribe based on the fact she’s very attractive and bright.

Alicia – as I said before, is well equipped in the boobs and ass department. If you like that type of thing, it makes her easy on the eyes. Unfortunately, her mouth makes her hard on the ears.

Kim – is in the same boat as Chelsea, thinks the guys are supposed to help her out without giving anything in return. Well besides a pretty face and a skimpy bikini.

Manono:

Jay - somewhat of a himbo. The male equivalent of Chelsea and Kim. If he was on That ‘70s Show he would be Kelso.

Michael – the jury is still out on this guy, he’s another pretty boy. To his credit, he hasn’t opened his mouth enough to be declared an official himbo.

Leif – who? Has this guy even said anything yet? Survivor has had contestants that were old, gay, every ethnicity imaginable, born-again, and a porn star. Hell, they even had a one-legged girl, yet they seem to ignore this little person.

Jonas – the sushi chef who happens to be Asian. How cliché! Seriously, if he can figure out the social part of the game, he could go far.

Bill – okay, since when are you able to bring weed as your luxury item? This dude is stoned out of his mind! Plus, he must be “bogarting”, because no one else is as high as he is.

Troy and Greg – these are two fools who think that they are Tarzan. Please. Really? The only difference is that the older one, Greg, is dumb as a box of rocks. Although, he did do a fine job of shaking his moneymaker last week…

Colton – a self-proclaimed Republican, flamboyant gay man who referred to Bill (who besides being stoned, happens to be black) as “ghetto trash”. I hate it when people stereotype themselves. And I’m not referring to his being gay.

Based on these critiques, I will pull for Christina and Jonas for the time being. I’m sure that will change two or three or seven times before season 24 wraps up in May.



Survivor Contest News: I have improved the prize list. Above is a graphic displaying the prizes that the top three finishers will choose from. A big congratulations to Greg, he nailed the tiebreaker by picking Nina to be the first contestant voted off after week one. Now all he has to do is finish in the top three! The official entries are posted on the right side of this blog directly below the polls.


Speaking of the polls, if you haven’t voted yet, there is still time. You have a few hours to vote for your favorite character on That ‘70s Show. Sunday night is the deadline for the hotly contested favorite Kenosha Drive In poll. Cast your votes now! What are you waiting for?

Until next time…from the booth.

1 comment:

Suse said...

Hmmmm. Didn't know anyone watched Survivor. You should try HGTV- as many annoying stereotypes in the design shows, but more interesting and useful information and concept in general.Well, whatever, your writing is always enjoyed,Paul, even if it's about TV shows I don't watch.