Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Survivor 24.6

Here’s the Official Survivor: One World Recap Trilogy for week six:

Mary Beth’s 2Cents: Holy karma, Batman! I think we may have just witnessed some kind of divine intervention on tonight's episode! Or maybe I caused Colton to go down in a blaze of weaselness (making up words again) as he was carried off on a stretcher. He and cohort Alicia were so nasty at the start that I was inwardly willing something bad to happen to him.

And it did!

Appendicitis could not have happened to a nicer person. Come to think of it, the way this episode was edited – showing the Terror Twins at their evil worst – it almost looks staged that Colton would so suddenly take ill.

Still, I think it's very funny that it took this medical emergency to get some of the other people on that tribe to start thinking for and about themselves a little.

It was even funnier that Alicia looked like she might soil her already disgusting bikini bottom when Colton took the idol with him and left her in the lurch. Ooh, that karma…she's a bitch alrighty!

Honestly, other than that turn of events the episode was kind of ho hum. Tarzan, he of little clothing and even littler sense, was a hoot too. He was going to stick with the Colton plan no matter what and I think I even heard him say “pretty please” when he was asking Leif to do the same and vote Christina out. Little Leif looked like a deer in the headlights not knowing exactly how to respond.

Turned out he needn't have worried. Both tribes went to Council and the merge was on giving horrible Alicia another chance at this game. When Probst talked about Colton's impending appendectomy Kat's face was priceless. She wanted to know what that was and how she could make sure she didn't get her appendix hurt!

Crikey, she is the epitome of a dumb blonde. Still she has some saving grace in that she is entertaining, so I hope she hangs around a while.

So, Colton flew up and away (no tears from me on that one), Alicia lived another day (whoopideedoo! I can't stand her), Kat's wide eyed gaze got even wider (no one is really that naïve, are they?), Tarzan continued to break all island fashion rules (what the heck was he wearing on his leg?) and they had ice cream (when are they really going to start suffering)! Yup, that pretty much sums up this episode!

Hopefully the new dynamic of the merged tribe will bring out the character in some of these characters because, I'm sorry to say, I'm starting to get bored with this season!


Jamie’s Prognosis: He has an appendicitis!

Hahahahahahaha…gasp…hahahahahahaha… Oh wait. Whew! I’m sorry. I couldn’t catch my breath from my reaction to tonight’s episode.

Well, this week showed us that karma she is a bitch indeed. The episode started with a display of just bad badness as Colton and Alicia came together like two feral cats on a mission to basically just hurt and maim. Ugly people, they lost all pretense of civility and started attacking Christina.

They called her a human cockroach to her face. They told her she was worthless and the next to be voted off. They laughed at her and mocked her just because they could. That was it for me. Any entertainment value that Colton held for me prior to tonight was squashed.
And Alicia?  She is just vicious, virulent and wicked. Even Kat, who is on the other team and physically separated from Alicia, was having dreams about her evilness.

At the reward challenge, the two teams struggled equally in an effort to ricochet coconuts off a trampoline at targets. It didn’t seem like a game that required much skill, and both sides struggled at the beginning.

I do not think that either Colton or Alicia hit a target once, but they continued to deride and mock Christina when she also didn’t hit her mark.  What hypocrites! The well-stacked Salani ended up winning a trip to a “Survivor style” ice cream parlor, which was really just a big cooler on the beach.

No matter, the ice cream looked good. Can you imagine the gastrointestinal distress that would occur when ice cream hits a gut that has been severely deprived of nutrition for over two weeks? Those are the things that they don’t show on camera, which is a good thing.
Speaking of gastrointestinal distress, after tyrannical Colton returned to camp he became ill. First he thought that his uncouth brain was swelling.

As he rocked back and forth in distress who came to his assistance?  Not his evil counterpart Alicia. She was working hard at getting her booty rest. No… it was Christina!

Was it strategy or human compassion?  WHO CARES?  At least she was nice to the graceless boob as he lay there whining and crying.

Who was next to weigh in on the case?  Dr.Tarzan, who presented a haphazard differential diagnosis about what could be ailing the lad, including gas in the cecum. What a dufus! He finally admitted that he didn’t really know what it was.

I will say it again; DO NOT GO TO THIS DOCTOR! PLEASE!
Finally the real medical team was called in to examine a writhing Colton who, although clearly ill, upped the drama meter a few notches.

My favorite part of the episode was the glow in Probst’s eyes as he asked the medical team to explain in more detail what kind of pain the dolt was in.

When it was clear that he would have to leave, instead of leaving the idol he had in his possession for another tribe member, Colton decided to keep the $5 collection of beads and leather cord as a souvenir. Some “super fan” who loves the game, huh? Alicia looked like she wanted to eat him alive!!

Colton’s exit left his fellow tribes mates in a sense of confusion. For one thing, the spineless misfit crew had lost their “leader”. For a moment it looked like Tarzan was trying to step into the role of puppeteer for the others, but then he called Christina “Katrina” and once again everyone was faced with the clear fact that this guy is not the master of his domain.

Both tribes were called to tribal council where Probst announced that no one would be voted off because Colton had left the game. At this point Leif and some of the others began sharing their stories of their own lost appendixes.

Kat’s eyes grew big and wide in a precious "what the hell?" moment where it became clear that not only has Kat never heard of an appendix before, but she wanted to make sure that she didn’t catch an appendix because clearly it is going around!

At this point my husband looked at me and said “who are these swamp people”?  I don’t know. It’s day 17 and I still don’t have a person to root for.

Now I have a personal message for Colton, who is recovering from an appendectomy somewhere in Alabama. There is an old proverb that says “Before you begin on the journey of revenge, dig two graves”. I hope you understand that as you watch yourself on TV.  You are a disgrace to all Republican men, gay or straight - I'm thinking mostly straight, no?! Shame on you Colton!

Note to the casting director of Survivor; sober up! This is the worst Survivor ever!!

It was the late John Lennon who wrote, “Instant Karma’s gonna get you. Gonna knock you right on the head.” Or, in the case of tonight’s episode of Survivor, right on the appendix. I bet Colton wishes he never said, “I wish Christina would get medivacked out of here!” Boy, talk about paybacks being a bitch.

Not only did tonight’s episode make me think of a Lennon song, it also made me look up the spelling of a fancy word – Schadenfreude.

Schadenfreude is a noun whose definition is “pleasure derived from another person’s misfortune”. Tonight is the first time that I can honestly say I experienced Schadenfreude. When the diabolical drama queen Colton was lying on bed of palm leaves, writhing in pain from acute appendicitis, I actually felt happy. I believe I may have even beamed.

And the thing is, I didn’t even feel guilty about it. Not in the least.

I can’t believe I was alone experiencing Schadenfreude this evening. Be honest with yourself. I am being totally candid when I admit that seeing that spoiled little bigot being forced to leave the game made me smile.

Here are some comments that I wrote before Instant Karma knocked Colton right off his feet:

“Who is douchier – Alicia or Colton?”

“Has there ever been a bigger asshole than Colton?”

“It is really getting hard to watch this season because of Colton the little bitch.”

Sorry for the colorful language, but Colton brings it out of me. He treated Christina like crap, comparing her to a cockroach. Even the gutless Jonas was upset with the way Colton was demeaning her. Of course he didn’t do anything about it. Jonas really does need to grow a set.

Ironically, it was Christina who came to Colton’s aid, not once but twice when he was in agony. Again I quote Mr. Lennon – “Instant Karma’s gonna get you. Gonna look you right in the face. Better get yourself together darlin’, join the human race.”

Even while she was consoling him and holding his repugnant little head, Colton couldn’t appreciate what Christina was doing for him. I think he said something like, “Of course she’s helping me. She’ll do anything at this point.” I don’t think Colton is used to being around people that are genuinely kind.

Now that I think of it, maybe I was wrong in feeling Schadenfreude toward Colton. He makes me sad. Oh, I’m still glad he’s gone, but he truly does make me sad.

And finally… a few random observations – I can’t believe Alicia is a Special Education teacher! I pity her poor students… Is Kat really that stupid? She was afraid that she might break her appendix? C’mon!… It was a brilliant move to merge the tribes tonight. It instantly brought a new dynamic to the game… Fellow Survivor Geek Auntie Janet is the first person eliminated from my contest. All three of her picks are gone – Nina, Monica and Colton. What was the booby prize?

Until next time…from the booth.

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