Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Survivor 25.6

Here is the Official Survivor: Philippines Recap Trilogy for week six:

Mary Beth’s 2Cents: Ah, Kalabaw and Tandang. I can't decide which of these tribes is more screwed up. They seem to have equal parts warhorses and doofuses. Surprisingly, some of those I had almost written off began stepping up and making their presence known.

As the episode opened, Kalabaw was just returning from the last Tribal council adamantly vowing that they would never lose again. Because, well… because losing sucks and someone has to go home. Some of the women on the tribe start to realize that Penner might be a threat and speculate that he has the hidden idol. He does but they don't really know that yet. But like most of the women's strategizing on this show it is just idle chitchat. Get it? Idol… Idle… I crack myself up.

Now, I don't want that last statement to be taken in the wrong way. I really appreciate when women on Survivor bond together and use their noggins to make some big moves. Though, in this season I haven't seen that happen. I've only heard them “thinking” about how great it would be and in the end, they vote how the men tell them to vote and that's that. Lame! Very, very lame!

Speaking of lame, over at Tandang, Skupin is quickly depleting the tribes rice supply by continually snacking on handfuls of dry rice. Clearly, this perturbs others but no one actually tells him to knock it off, so they're in a precarious position of not having enough food to go around. As someone who just the other day blew a gasket because someone ate my last M&M off my desk, I can tell you I would not be taking his rice noshing lightly. Apparently, they feel a low grumble and a harsh whisper is the way to go here. Sheesh!

At Reward Challenge, a giant game of Wicker Ball Tackle Soccer, the reward was… Ta Dah! Food! A bunch of people have to try to push a huge wicker ball into a goal while the other opposing bunch have to stop them. And it's in the mud.

Lisa Whelchel, rocking that pink granny bathing suit, suddenly showed up to play! She really held her own by pinning the stronger, feistier Denise into the mud and keeping her there so she couldn't move. Carter spent much of his time being picked up and tossed into the air and into the mud by Pete. But he kept getting up and coming back for more. He did bring a spectacular aerial affect to the whole thing.

Penner and Skupin were stuck at the ball getting “intimate” as Probst mentioned. Penner thrust his meaty man hands between Skupin’s legs and then, for reasons only known to Penner, he thrust his meaty man meathead between his legs at which point Skupin just sat down on his face in the mud. I thought I heard Skupin say this was “just like heaven” but, to tell you the truth, I was afraid where this was all going so I looked away!

What happened next was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. Skupin and Penner make a deal. If they let Kalabaw win Reward they can have all the food if they give Tandang the rest of the rice they have at camp. So, everybody just gives up and they agree to this. Penner assures his tribe that he's the Babe Winkelman of the Philippines and he will bring them much fish so they go along with this idiotic agreement! So, Tandang gets the rice and Kalabaw gets a picnic lunch with dessert and… Ta Dah! Letters from home.

The day after gorging themselves on this feast, Carter apparently is starving to death. Penner tries to catch fish and he does! Two of the smallest fish I've ever seen in my life. They each get one tiny bite of raw fish. YUM! Artis is a crabby old passive aggressive ne'er do well and Abi just needs to get her whining complaining volatile rump gone!

At Immunity Challenge – ah, what can I say? It was all Malcolm, all the time. Lisa again proves herself to be a playah! She lobs balls into the air, past the other players and into the tanned, muscular waiting arms of sweet Malcolm. Sigh… Of course, they win! The best line? Probst says, after seeing Malcolm slamming Carter out of his way, “Malcolm is eating Carter's lunch!”

At Tribal, there's the usual shenanigans where the editing makes it seem like someone's about to make a big move but, guess what? They don't! So ineffectual Katie is booted off because she just can't do anything anyway and, unfortunately, Penner and his meat hands live to see another day. My biggest problem with this show is that there is no one willing to make the move, take the stand and change the game. Where's Russell Hantz when you need him?

Jamie’s Prognosis: Tonight’s episode started with Katie feeling weak and vulnerable after last weeks’ ouster of Dawson.  Being ever observant, I noticed this week that Katie is really beautiful… Oh duh! She is a former Miss Delaware. Hey. What did Miss Delaware? She wore a New Jersey… I digress. 

On the Tandang tribe Pete, Artis and Abi were being negative and mean. I call them the bitchy triad now. OK, OK they have a point. Michael Skupin is not only a danger to himself, he also likes to eat handfuls of raw rice with the belief that his internal body heat cooks said rice, which I don’t believe happens unless you drink equal parts of boiling water. Anyhow, he was pissing off his tribe mates by nibbling away at their food source all the day long and I would probably not be too happy with him either.  

This week’s Reward Challenge was sort of a mud wrestling with a giant twiney ball thing. Contestants had to try to get control of the ball while wrestling competing team members away from it.

I must say I chuckled at first when I saw that Lisa was going to try to take on lithe and sinewy sex therapist Denise. I thought it would be no contest, but I was wrong. Lisa Whelchel is a strong one! She basically immobilized athletic Denise the second she got to her and she held on to her for over an hour.

This left Penner and Skupin to skirmish over the ball in man on man action that was often uncomfortable not only for them but for the rest of us to watch.

The game quickly came to a standstill. An hour passed with everyone laying around in slimy mud. Finally Penner made a strategic move. He offered Skupin a deal. Anything from their camp in exchange for the delightful sandwich picnic that awaited the winners of the challenge. And what did Skupin want? Their rice. Dude likes rice. Some back and forth chatter ensued between the two tribes, who seemingly agreed and the deal was made. Tandang got a half eaten bag of rice and Kalabaw got a delicious meal as well as the ever-emotional letters from home, which caused muddy tears of love to flow.

Back at Tandang there was indeed more rice, but not everyone was happy about it. Artis was pissed off, even though he agreed to the exchange. The bitchy triad looked like they were going to turn on Skupin.

RC quickly jumped in to defend her man Michael. She wisely donned her investment banker outfit for her on camera snippet, which really upped her credibility. Seriously, she hadn’t been on the beach for more than 15 minutes before she was in her leopard print underwear and NOW she wants to put back on her business suit?  It’s too late for the suit, honey. Learn to dress appropriately for the occasion.

The Immunity Challenge involved the catapulting of balls into nets and our first reaction was “Jeff Kent has GOT this in the bag… er… net”. Not so much. Malcolm blew him out of the water to win immunity for Tandang, and let me say that Lisa Whelchel was masterful at the catapulter position. Confident. Cool. Seemed like she could aim. Lisa’s got her groove back.

So Kalabaw went back to Tribal Council and it looked to be a choice between Penner and Delaware. Lots of talk about blindsiding ensued, which was clearly all for the cameras. Tribal Council was overly contrived this evening with Jeff Probst doing little to hide his manipulation of the contestants. I was on the edge of my seat. Not. Katie got voted off, as I knew she would be. It was the obvious and smart choice unless the others want to get picked off one by one in challenges.

As Katie’s torch was being extinguished my husband suddenly noticed what was going on with a loud “Not Miss Delaware!!! Now there are only one pair of big boobs left on the show, damn it!!” And he wasn’t talking about Penner and Skupin.  Paul V… are you feeling nervous??

The Booth’s Bits: Tonight’s episode featured something I love - two challenges. I bitch and moan when they combine the Reward and Immunity challenges, but, for the second week in a row, we are treated to two separate challenges.

Five minutes into the show there was a Reward Challenge. I was pumped! Too bad it sucked. A lot. Don’t get me wrong, it had potential – the tribes pushing a enormous medicine ball made of rattan in the mud! Unfortunately RC sat this one out and we had to watch Penner, Carter and Denise from Kalabaw grunt around in the slop with the Tandang trio of Skupin, Peter and Lisa.


The biggest highlight was when Penner decided to give Skupin and a proctology exam in an effort to get him off the giant ball. Wait, that doesn’t sound right. Anyways, when that didn’t work, the six contestants laid on each other and the ball for over an hour. Finally in an act of desperation (or perhaps apathy), Tandang forfeits the challenge and the reward with the understanding that Kalabaw must give them all of their remaining rice.

Wanna know what Kalabaw won? Sandwiches, chips, a bunch of brownies and some juice. Oh, ya. The got to read letters from their loved ones. Yawn. The only thing that would have made this segment more interesting was if the brownies were “special”, if you know what I mean.

Back at camp Tandang, most everyone was pissed at Skupin, blaming him for making the dopey rice deal. The only one who didn’t seem overly upset with him was the scintillating RC. In fact, she went as far as snitching out the way Artis was cursing him out during the challenge. Normally I don’t like a snitch, but RC was wearing this cream colored blazer and looked very hot. Too bad there was no Mark Burnett's Private Moment Especially for Paul Vagnoni tonight. The thought of RC strolling down the beach in that blazer and her leopard skin bikini…

The Immunity Challenge was much better. It was a jai alai played with giant slingshots. Once again Abi sat out and once again Probst chastised her for being a slacker. Manning the giant slingshots were Lisa and Denise and they both did a nice job. For a while it looked like Kalabaw was going to win, as former big leaguer Jeff Kent was dominating. Then, out of nowhere, Malcolm stole the show, snatching three straight balls to give Tandang a narrow 5-4 victory and the Immunity that went along with it. They have yet to lose an Immunity Challenge and therefore have never been to Tribal Council.

The same cannot be said for Kalabaw.

Tonight’s loss was their second consecutive trip to Tribal Council. Combined with Dana leaving sick last week, Kalabaw would be done three castaways to seven for Tandang. The only question was who would it be.

Actually it was pretty much a no-brainer. You know it was gonna be the lithesome beauty queen Katie. Sure, they tried to make us think there was a chance they would dump Alan Alda impersonator, Penner, but ant serious Survivor Geek knew it was Katie who would be told to hit the road.

And that’s exactly happened at Tribal Council – Katie was sent packing. About the only excitement was Probst being a stinker and trying to get Jeff Kent admit that he was a former baseball player. However, Kent played it cool and when Probst asked him if Survivor is like any other game that he has played, Kent replied, “No, Survivor sucks.” Ha! The look on Probst’s face was priceless.

Last day for the poll if you haven’t already jumped on it. Until next time…from the booth.

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