Monday, November 12, 2012

Special Boob Time

Normally I don’t write blogs on back-to-back days, but recent events have inspired me to do so tonight. This evening I am launching the first Special Boob Award. Depending how the spirit moves me, this might develop into a semi-regular feature. We shall see. Tonight’s award winner comes from the list of Stupid Boobs in the column located to the right of this blog. Sorry Donald Trump, Dick Morris and Ted Nugent, but the first Special Boob is John Schnatter, CEO of Papa John’s Pizza.

In the past few days there have been several reports of Schnatter saying that he plans on passing the costs of health care reform for his business onto his workers. According to a report from the Naples News, Schnatter said that he would likely reduce workers’ hours as a result of President Obama being reelected.

You might recall that he made headlines back in August when he told shareholders that the cost of a Papa John’s pizza will likely increase between 11 and 14 cents due to President Obama’s Affordable Care Act.

Schnatter did made a point to say that he is neither in support of, nor against “Obamacare” and admitted, “The good news is 100 percent of the population is going to have health insurance.”

Unfortunately, the bad news is that “Obamacare” mandates that only employees that work more than 30 hours per week are covered under their employers health insurance plan. That is why humanitarians such as Schnatter will cut their employees’ hours.

Please understand that I understand the concern over the unknown effect “Obamacare” might have with small business owners, the mom and pop type places. This isn’t the case with Papa John’s. Don’t be fooled by the name, Schnatter’s company is the furthest thing from a mom and pop business.

Consider these facts:

  • In 2011, Papa John’s earned $1.22 billion in revenue and had an income of $451.13 million.
  • Schnatter alone made a salary of $2.75 million in 2011 and is estimated to be worth over $260 million given the stock he owns in his company.

Like I said, hardly a mom and pop small business.

Schnatter estimated that “Obamacare” would cost Papa John’s $5 million to $8 million annually. Rather than pay for those costs by cutting the profit margin or reducing the executive salaries at his company, or even raising pizza prices 15 cents, Schnatter will attempt to bypass the law by cutting the hours of the lowest paid workers at his company.

Additionally, it should not be overlooked that at the beginning of the 2012 NFL season, Schnatter revealed that Papa John’s will give away 2 million large one-topping pizzas to members of its Papa Rewards online loyalty program throughout the season – double the number Papa John’s gave away during the 2011 season. What a generous human being.

Peyton Manning and Special Boob John Schnatter
Papa John’s is in the third year of a multi-year sponsorship with the NFL and is the official pizza of the Arizona Cardinals, Atlanta Falcons, Baltimore Ravens, Dallas Cowboys, Denver Broncos, Houston Texans, Indianapolis Colts, Miami Dolphins, New York Giants, New York Jets, Philadelphia Eagles, St. Louis Rams, Tennessee Titans and Washington Redskins.

I’m glad to see that the 13-time World Champion Green Bay Packers didn’t jump onto the compassionate philanthropist’s bandwagon. In fact, kudos to the other 17 teams that also didn’t. Even da Bears.

Hey Schnatter, here’s an idea – raise the price of your disgusting death discs 15 cents so you don’t have to screw your hard working employees. Hell, kick the price up a quarter if it means they will get insurance. I don’t care. I don’t eat that crap. I would rather heat up a Tombstone in the oven.

By the way, I’m not alone in the way I feel about Papa John’s pizza. In the poll I ran for Kenosha’s favorite pizzerias, there were 445 votes cast. You want to know how many votes Papa John’s garnered? A measly two. That’s right, two. Let’s face it Schnatter, your pizza sucks and so do you.

There you have it, my inaugural Special Boob – John Schnatter, CEO of Papa John’s Pizza and all-around rotten bastard. Until next time…from the booth.

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