The Official Survivor: Philippines Recap Trilogy for week eight:
Mary Beth’s 2Cents: I guess it's no secret that I love this show and normally I would think of all kinds of clever things to say as I recapped the entire episode, but there are some things I want to get to, so here's the recap. Hope you can decipher it!
1. Penner is peeved that people plotted to vote him off.
2. Denise is honest and tells Penner she was one of them.
3. Skupin decides he could stay on longer if there is a crack in the social armor.
4. Lisa and Jeff start conniving to take out Abi, Artis, and/or Pete.
5. The Reward Challenge involves diving for fish traps full of a puzzle flag thing and Lisa swims very, very slowly.
6. Yellow Team wins – Lisa Penner, Malcolm, Denise, and Jeff – and they get to have some food! Like we didn't know that was going to happen.
7. Abi starts leaking alliance information because she has a mind like a steel colander. Nothing much can stay in there!
8. I'm still not sure why Artis is around.
9. It's cute that Lisa thinks she can win this thing.
10. Immunity Challenge is an obstacle course where the first three over the finish line go on to Round 2 and they complete a puzzle.
11. Of course, Penner wins it! He said he would and looks and sounds like Alan Alda and Alan Alda is a man of his word, therefore, he won.
Okay, now… on to the two things that I feel I must address.
First, Lisa Whelchel is a shrew. She's evil. She wears my grandmother's bathing suit. She has a nasally voice. And she has the audacity to go after my boyfr… I mean… to go after Malcolm. After “innocently” finding his Immunity Idol when she was being “helpful” by digging through his personal belongings, she then cannot keep her mouth shut and just had to spill the beans to Skupin.
Lisa Whelchel is a witch. If that wasn't bad enough, she then turns around and tells Pete the same information. I will not have this. I will not stand idly by whilst she throw my boy… I mean, throws Malcolm to the dogs. He was being nice to her. He was trying to include her. He could have taken her far. But nooooooo… Lisa has to choose to be with Pete and Abi. Abi, of all people! ABI!! Lisa Whelchel is on my list now. Not the good list either. And, for the record, I always liked Jo in the Facts of Life better than Blair.
Second, what the heck happened at Tribal Council?? Before they even leave the camp, they're all scrambling like eggs on a Sunday morning. Some want Jeff off, some are targeting my… targeting Malcolm, and Skupin is just shaking in his shorts because he's almost convinced himself that he's next.
Then, after just a question or two from Probst, whom I now believe to be some kind of Master Hypnotist Mind Control Freak, Immunity Idols start popping out all over! Malcolm, sensing that he can't fight a tidal wave, freely gives up and shows them all he had it. Then, for reasons known only to her, suddenly Abi pops her Idol out too.
Penner realizes he has a shot to get this bunch of loose coconuts to band together and do something. To tell you the truth, by this point I was so confused as to which plan was the THE plan that I had no idea who he was alluding to when he urged the 6 to vote together.
Probst asks whoever has an idol to play it now and, amazingly, neither Abi nor Malcolm play it! What? Okay… that was weird. Then, just when I thought I knew what was happening it turns out I didn't and Jeff gets voted off! WHAT. THE. HECK.
I need a drink.
Jamie’s Prognosis: There was plenty of drama and mayhem this evening, and even a bit of politics. I almost thought I was reliving YESTERDAY. But first things first.
Jonathan Penner was truly distressed after he was almost ousted and flushed of his Immunity Idol last week. He showed an array of emotions including lonely isolation, chagrin, outrage, despair and mostly righteous indignation. He became a lone wolf. A man without a country, without a tribe.
The drama was heavy and into it jumped… Lisa Whelchel. That’s right. Our Facts of Life alum became a major game player this week as she tried to form new alliances and or reconfigure her own alliance and or reconvene with her former alliance. I’m not sure really what was going on, but let’s just say that I give Lisa some good old fashioned kudos for trying to get her game on.
At the reward challenge, two teams were formed. The reward? A river cruise followed by a rib feast. The teams were a) Skupin, Pete, Artis, Abi and Carter and b) Jeff, Malcolm, Denise, Penner and Lisa. Teams had to swim out into the sea and dive down to release puzzle pieces, then be pulled to shore.
I was thinking to myself that the Kent-Penner team was STACKED and the odds favorite to win. I even went to get a glass of water as it all started. I was that confident. They took off like bats out of you know where, but then Lisa took to the water and let’s just say that swimming is not her fantasy sport. Luckily for her Skupin is also not adept in the water and her team rebounded to win reward.
Next up was the immunity challenge. Penner knew he was in trouble and vowed to win the challenge. It was standard Survivor fare… untying knots, going over and under barricades, and putting together a snake puzzle. Pete and Jeff looked like the leaders with Skupin and Penner not far behind. It wasn’t looking too good for Penner but then he just put it into high gear and pulled off an unlikely win.
This threw a wrench into the plans of the rest of the Survivors, who had seemed pretty united in voting him off. Pete, who reminds me of a wayward member of a boy band, started to weave his charms on the others by saying stuff like “hey girl what you thinkin’?” It would have been so cool if he had broken into song and let this be registered as an official suggestion to Mark Burnett. Musical Survivor!! ‘Nuff said.
All of a sudden things started to look bad for Jeff Kent. But wait… Lisa decided to tell smooth Pete about the Idol that Malcolm had, which made him go right to Malcolm who was able to convince Pete that he didn’t have the idol, which made Malcolm angry at Lisa. And let’s not forget Pete’s beeeotchy alliance consisting of Abi and Artis. A trio of negative Nellie’s, maybe they should be broken up? Maybe Pete should go.
They all headed off to a very interesting Tribal Council. Well first of all, Jury member #1 RC showed up all tan and leggy in a tight mini dress and I could hear the woot wooting from the North side. But what happened next was interesting.
It’s like they all took a shot of truth serum or something. They all just started speaking their minds and telling it like it is. It was like being at a support group meeting. There were no secrets at this tribal council, and Lisa lead the charge of truth telling. Everyone just laid out what they were thinking and then Malcolm pulled out his Immunity Idol to show everyone and (why the heck not) Abi pulled out hers for no good reason. Jeff Probst gleefully proclaimed “this is pretty fun”.
The voting began and tonight it was Jeff Kent’s turn to be blindsided as he was voted off. Let me tell you he was one unhappy millionaire. In fact, at the post show comment part he said “You know what pissed me off? I think I've made about $60 million playing baseball, and I want this frickin' million dollars in this game and it's not even a million bucks! It's 600 grand by the time Obama takes it!”
Gasp!! Poor loser!!!!! Really Jeff Kent? Now you’ve got my attention, you poor rich formerly famous baseball player now turned alleged Texas rancher who pays less taxes percentage wise than I do. I thought we were all over that, but nooooo you had to go there. The Bush era tax cuts are still in play dude, so lighten up! I lost any and all sympathy I might have had for Jeff Kent. Buh Bye. I would like someone else to win that money, sir.
Still rooting for Denise but I also like one Jonathan Penner. Yes. You heard me. With his Alan Alda voice and his funky hat, scruffy facial hair and glasses that makes him look like he escaped from the Florida Keys… I dig it! He is playing good Survivor!
The Booth’s Bits: Wow, I really needed this! After the unceremonious dismissal of the scrumptious RC last week, I was afraid my interest might begin to fade. Not after tonight! What a great episode! I honestly cannot wait to see what happens next week. Oh wait, I’m supposed to write that at the end of the blog. I had better talk about this week first…
By now Mary Beth and Jamie have filled you in on the details of the Reward Challenge. Penner, Jeff, Malcolm and Denise win in spite of Lisa, earning a nice reward – a river cruise complete with ribs, cornbread and apple pie. The losers, Abi, Skupin, Artis, Carter and Pete are sent back to camp with nothing.
On the cruise we learn that the general consensus is that Abi, Artis and Pete are considered the “Evil Three”. They are bullies and nobody likes them. I think Lisa even said they were “icky”.
Meanwhile, back at camp rat–girl Abi was flapping her gums, telling everyone exactly how all the alliances were set up and who would be going home when. Later she annoyed Pete while the two of them were laying out their nefarious plan. This was pretty funny, because Pete is almost as big an asshole as Abi is.
Before the Immunity Challenge, it was decided that Penner was going to be the next one voted off. The only thing that could mess this plan up would be if Penner won the challenge.
So he did.
Then the hilarity ensued. Before Tribal Council, as Malcolm called it, a “baby scramble” took place. Initially, Skupin was chosen to replace Penner as the sacrificial lamb. That was until ratchet-jaw Lisa started telling everyone that Malcolm had a Hidden Immunity Idol. She started with Pete and it went on from there. Word has it she’d going to be on The View tomorrow in case anyone missed it.
Needless to say this caused all kinds of turmoil. So much so, Pete declared, “Playing the mastermind isn’t very easy. It’s hard work!” I can honestly say I wasn’t sure who would be getting the ax this week. It was very confusing, even for a veteran Survivor Geek like me.
At Tribal Council it would get even more confusing.
Especially when RC, the first member of the jury, came out. With the tight black dress she was wearing, I can understand why everyone was a bit discombobulated and distracted. Well, except for rat-girl Abi. She just glared at RC. Meanwhile, Pete, Jeff, Penner, Malcolm, Artis and Carter all looked something like this:
After everyone put their eyes and tongues back in their heads, ratchet-jaw Lisa started blabbering. Then Malcolm got pissed off and whipped out his Hidden Immunity Idol. Not to be out done, rat-girl Abi whipped hers out. I guess she figured, since he showed his, she was going to show hers.
A flabbergasted Jeff Probst called it “the most complicated and entertaining” Tribal Council ever. In the end, Jeff was received 5 votes and he was sent home. He cursed a lot, mentioned that he had made $60 million playing baseball and even took a shot at President Obama. And then cursed some more. I told you he was a red-ass.
Here are my “How I Want Them To Finish” rankings for this week:
1. Penner (Alan Alda)
2. Denise (Sex therapist from Iowa)
3. Malcolm (Mary Beth’s boyfr…)
4. Skupin (The bleeder)
5. Carter (Spicoli wannabe)
6. Artis (Who is this guy?)
7. Lisa (Ratchet-jaw)
8. Pete (Jerk-face)
9. Abi (Rat-girl)
As I said before, I can’t wait for next week. Until next time…from the booth.