Survivor Gabon Week 5 Recap - WARNING! Possible Show Spoilers In This Column! Quick, someone call Richard Hatch, Sue Hawk and Jonny Fairplay and send them to Gabon! The Survivors on season 17 are in dire need of a few tips and pointers on how to play this game.Okay, maybe Hatch can’t help because he’s still in prison for tax evasion, but surely Hawk and Fairlplay could help this clueless bunch. Heck, if you have to, call Rupert Boneham. It would have been nice if some of the current Survivors had watched a season or two before they signed up for the show.
Wondering what I am talking about? Well, lets start with the Reward Challenge. Once again Kota kicked the Fang (rhymes with thong) tribe’s ass. Yes, that’s right; Kota carried their 200 pound, 20 foot long snake faster and won yet again. That set up some behavior that was very unbecoming of a true Survivor. There's no crying in Survivor!
After the loss, Fang’s Crystal starts crying because she can’t stand losing all the time. Kota’s Randy, upon seeing Olympic Gold Medalist Crystal’s tears, responds with, “Wha, wha!” Once again, Kota sends airhead Sugar to Exile Island. Guess what? She starts blubbering! Why? Because she gets to lie on a hammock eating fruit while the rest of her Fang tribe is starving!
Maybe, in addition to Hawk, Fairplay and Boneham, they should also send Jimmy Dugan to Gabon. You remember Jimmy Dugan the manager of the Rockford Peaches in A League of Their Own. When right fielder Evelyn Gardner doesn’t hit the cutoff, he chews her out, causing Evelyn to burst into tears. Dugan’s response to her weeping? “THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!”
Well there was plenty of crying in Survivor last night. Plus there was plenty of stupidity as well, most of it being attributed to our dear friend Sugar. When Ace, he of the occasional British accent, tells her that everybody knows she has the (not-so) Hidden Individual Immunity Idol, she gladly turns it over to him. Later, after Fang loses the Immunity Challenge (that makes them 2-8 in challenges), Ken tells Sugar that Ace cannot be trusted. So she cheerfully says okay and takes it back from Ace.
Before going to Tribal Council, Matty tells Ace he wants to vote Sugar out. Ace, forgetting to use his accent, talks him into voting for Kelly. Crystal wants to eliminate Ace and Ken agrees that he can’t be trusted. This is when Ken talked Sugar into getting the Hidden Individual Immunity Idol back. Confused yet?
At Tribal Council Jeff Probst chastises the members of Fang for sucking so bad and starts a fight between Kelly and Crystal. When Kelly brings up Ace, he snaps at her in his thickest British accent possible and basically tells her she is a moron. With that, the tribe votes and Probst tallies the votes, announcing, “The tribe has spoken” and Kelly is history.
Next week, because Fang is so pathetic, each tribe will be eliminating a member out of Gabon. Before that happens, I implore producer Mark Burnett to send the remaining contestants to Survivor 101. Hopefully professors Hawk, Fairplay, Boneham and Dugan will be on hand to whip this sorry lot into shape. Until next week…From Gabon
1 comment:
I LOVE how no one ever listens to Crystal. They all say they have to keep Ace with his doubtful British ancestry because they need his "strength" to win challenges, yet THEY NEVER WIN! She's the only one who makes any sense on that tribe, I swear.
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