Typically before I start writing my Survivor recap, I pick an angle or a slant on what happened in that particular episode. Something always seems to jump out at me, there is always a quote or a move by one of the castaways that gave me something to run with. On the rare occasion that nothing stands out, my 7:55 p.m. phone call to FSG Auntie Janet would steer me in the right direction. Not tonight. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Zilch. I was left with one big question – "Huh?"
Don’t get me wrong, I was entertained and amused by tonight’s episode of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains. But I was also left scratching my ample head and left with a boatload of questions.
Questions like: How could Sandra ruin a perfectly good Outback Steakhouse commercial by calling the bartender, “Homey” when asking for a second margarita? I realize the commercial was thinly veiled as the reward from the challenge, but “Homey”? Please.
Another question: Where did J.T. get the ink pen and writing pad? And, more importantly, who taught him how to write? It was at this point I was beginning to get confused.
Question number 3: Why were the Heroes so happy that they had given Russell the Hall-of-Famer their Hidden Immunity Idol? They only thing that was clear was that Rupert was laughing like a drunken pirate because he probably heard J.T. the simpleton say, “Serves the damn Villains right!”
When I heard that I just said, “Huh?”
One minor question: How in the world was Skeletor (Courtney) carrying that coconut with one hand? It weighed more than she did and it was bigger than her head for crying out loud!
Serious question number 5: Is it just me, or are Amanda and Candice the only Heroes that even remotely have a clue? They were the only ones on that side of the “island” that were even questioning that there might not be an all-female alliance in the Villains camp.
Final question: How could Parvati, Danielle, Sandra, Jerri, Skeletor and even the Hall-of-Famer allow Coach to steal the show at Tribal Council without even uttering a word? My man was looking fine in his silk Kimono sitting on the jury doing his best Steven Seagal. Coach was styling and profiling.
The only thing that was clear tonight was that Skeletor was eliminated from the Villains tribe, thus evening the numbers at five a side. But she even made that weird when, as she was leaving, she looked over her boney shoulder and said with a smile, “Good bye bitches! See ya later!”
Again I said, “Huh?”
So, even with all of the uncertainty, I still look forward to next week when the pinheaded Heroes will discover that the Hall-of-Famer did not use their gift as instructed. Heck, there might even be a merge. Who knows? I do have one suggestion for producer Mark Burnett, change the name of this season to Survivor: Morons vs. Cretins. It is more appropriate.
Until next time…from the booth.