Okay first of all, let’s get my strong dislike for Sandra out of the way. It’s not only that she absolutely sucks at challenges, has no redeeming social qualities and is totally useless. The fact is that she is guilty on all three counts.
No, the cherry on the sundae with Sandra is the way she speaks. The woman makes Rosie Perez sound like Eliza Doolittle after Professor Higgins and Colonel Pickering had worked their magic on her in My Fair Lady.
Let’s see if you can decipher this little pearl that Sandra gave us when talking to the hunky Colby Donaldson.
“If day dunt steek wit chew, day eez nuts.”
I will supply you with the English version later in the blog.
Just when I thought that I couldn’t possibly loathe anyone more than Sandra, the jury showed up at Tribal Council. But it wasn’t the delusional Coach or the dimwitted J.T. that made me forget just how sickening Sandra was.
That dubious distinction went to none other than the emaciated Courtney, otherwise known as Skeletor. The woman was either stoned or drunk on her ass. Maybe both. She made one stupid comment after the other. She was so annoying that FSG Auntie Janet even mentioned it during our post Survivor phone confab.
She reminded me of that stupid kid in school who made wisecracks under their breath the whole time the teacher was speaking. When Jeff Probst announced that he would tally the votes, Skeletor whispered, “You do that!” Too bad Shambo wasn’t around. She would have bitch-slapped her.
The other thing that had me going in circles was who was going to be eliminated. For a brief moment I was convinced that this was going to be the week that Hall-of-Famer Russell Hantz would get the heave-ho. I was preparing to hear FSG Jamie shouting in glee.
Then everything went topsy-turvy and I wasn’t sure who it was going to be. Would it be the diabolical Parvati? Could it be the doe-eyed Amanduh? Maybe would throw a curveball at us and eliminate someone that wasn’t even discussed. I was so confused.
In the end, Amanduh, with tears welling up in those doe-eyes, was told that the tribe had spoken and she would be sitting on the jury with Coach, J.T. and Skeletor. And you know what? She had it coming.
Earlier in the show, Amanduh, the hunky Colby Donaldson and the surgically enhanced Danielle had won a Reward Challenge. Their reward was to lie in Robert Louis Stevenson’s bed while watching Treasure Island and eating popcorn.
Lo and behold, Danielle discovered a clue for a Hidden Immunity Idol in the bowl of popcorn. She attempted to hide it from the other two, but Amanduh saw it and wrestled it away from her.
At first I thought we were going to be treated to a good old-fashioned catfight, complete with bikinis. Unfortunately, no such luck. All we got was Danielle whining to Colby that Amanduh wouldn’t give her the clue back. Something about it not being fair.
Then Amanduh did the unthinkable. She stomped her foot down on Robert Louis Stevenson’s bedroom carpet, stuck her bottom lip out and gave it back to Danielle. All because Colby said she should. You see? She had it coming!
That’s it for this week. I think that I finally have everything sorted out. Oh ya, I promised to decipher Sandra’s phrase for you. What she was making an effort to say was, “If they don’t stick with you, they is nuts.” Until next time…from the booth.