Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Survivor Or Beauty Pageant?

Tonight’s episode of Survivor: Redemption Island had me wondering whether or not this was really Survivor that I was watching. When Special Agent Phillip told Natalie and Ashley that this wasn’t a beauty pageant, he should have chosen his words more carefully. If he had said, “This isn’t SUPPOSED to be a beauty pageant”, he would have been a little closer to the reality of the situation. It might not quite be a beauty pageant, but it sure isn’t Survivor like I remember it.

The show wasn’t five minutes old this evening and we were being treated to the lovely sight of watching Natalie trim Ashley’s armpit hair! When they announced that they were going to trim their leg hair next, I was fully expecting to hear that a Brazilian would be soon to follow.

First of all, I must tell you that the personalities of these divas have qualified them as two of the ugliest beautiful people that I have ever laid my eyes on.

These beauty queens are only part of the reason that I am questioning whether this is really Survivor anymore. For instance, where did they get the scissors necessary to keep their armpits properly coiffed?

Oh ya, that’s right they received a huge crate of Sears Craftsman tools on day nine when their tribe won the Immunity/Reward Challenge. It must have been in there somewhere. Or maybe it was in the toolbox given to each tribe at the beginning of this “journey of a lifetime”.

Give me a break.

Was tonight the third or the fourth time they fed the winners of a challenge? And the mopes acted as if were ready to keel over. For crying out loud, they started out with rice and water from the get-go.

They are a bunch of pampered prima donnas who act as if they have never watched a single minute of Survivor in their lives.

The sad thing is that this season started out with so much promise. Then those dopes from Zapatera threw a challenge so they could vote off “RESELL”. How’s that working out for you now? Morons.

Oh ya, tonight they voted off “STIFINIE”, yet another strong player. The imbeciles should have listened to Dave the lawyer when he said they should be keeping the strongest players rather than worrying about who they can trust.

I suppose that means he will be the next to go when Zapatera loses it’s next challenge. It will be interesting to see how the Furry Farmer spells “Dave”.

The only thing that keeps me watching this season is Boston Rob and Special Agent Phillip. There is a reason that producer Mark Burnett brought Boston Rob and Russell back this season and added the Redemption Island twist.

He wanted to make sure there were at least two people who knew how to play this game and keep them around as long as possible.

As a Survivor Geek who has seen every episode of all 22 seasons, I have to admit I am very concerned. What can we look forward to in the seasons to come? Can they possibly pussify this great game anymore than they already have?

Here’s an idea for season 23. Survivor Borneo.

That’s right, bring back Richard Hatch, Kelly Wigglesworth, Rudy Boesch, Susan Hawk, Sean Kenniff, Colleen Haskell, Gervase Peterson, Jenna Lewis, Greg Buis, Gretchen Cordy, Joel Klug, Dirk Been, Ramona Gray, Stacey Stillman, B.B. Anderson and Sonja Christopher from that historic first season that debuted on May 31, 2000.

Alright, Rudy would be pushing 83 and Richard will probably be back in prison, but it can’t be any worse than this garbage! At least make next season an encore performance of Survivor: Borneo with commentary from those first contestants. It would be a marked improvement over the current crop of dimwits that we have playing a diluted version of this once great game.

In closing, you better thank your lucky stars for Boston Rob and Special Agent Phillip. Until next time…from the booth.


Leplume said...

I couldn't agree with you more. There is almost nothing exciting about this season anymore. Once Russell left that was it for me! It seems like no one is even talking a good game at this point. I mean, even Boston Rob can keep this interesting for only so long. No one is sneaky enough to pull off a good blindside. No one is starving, they're eating like they're at the luau at the Ramada Inn Waikiki for crying out loud. So far the only drama has been Sarita's tooth ache and even that is a bust. This is such a mediocre season, I don't know. I'm uber-disappointed. I hope something good happens soon or I may have to stop watching it!

sue said...

Oh dear oh dear... I suspect Paul that the only thing keeping you watching is the 'beauty queens' !! It does seem like Survivor has 'lost the plot'.

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Mary Beth, don't give up yet! Maybe there will be a merge soon and the beauty queens will lend their scissors to the Furry Farmer! Huh, what do you think?

Sue, honestly, those girls are so annoying, they could be completely naked and… Well, okay, it would capture my interest. Seriously, Boston Rob and Special Agent Phillip are the only interesting things Survivor has at the moment.

Alaska Karen said...

Hilarious blog Paul! And spot-on. Double-aught agent is an annoying hoot whom I hope sticks around for awhile. Let me quote you when commenting on the arm pit scene;"I threw up in my mouth a little bit."
Please Jeff, SHUT UP. He TALKS ALL THE TIME and drives me nuts.
I remember one of the earlier Suvivor's where lack of food caused players hair to fall out! Not saying that is a good thing, but the "survivor" aspect of the show seems lost.
Well, I will keep watching anyway. Great blogging Paul, thanks.

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Thanks, Karen. You are right; last night before the Immunity/Reward Challenge Probst was trying to drum up a little drama between the 2 tribes. Sad, very sad…

Gregory (Greg) P Turco said...

I think Boston Rob rocks. This is his best season ever.

Phil makes me cringe. He just doesn't realize how clueless he is.

He is not as gross as the Furry Farmer. I agree that it would be good if the girls gave him a shearing.

I agree they are stoking the ratings with shots of skinny girls in bikinis, but Survivor did not invent that.

I like redemption island, and Matt is the underdog hero. The bit with Bible made them seem more human.

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Greg, I have to agree with you, especially about Special Agent Phillip being clueless.