Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Survivor 24.12

Here’s the Official Survivor: One World Recap Trilogy for week twelve:

Mary Beth’s 2Cents: As a woman, I am upset by watching the women on this season of Survivor because they have embodied all of the worst stereotypical “female” behavior from Day One. First, they bond together in a grandiose show of solidarity to take over the island from the men. Not one of them, except maybe for the eternally dimwitted Kat, thought to play even a simple social game with the men. Instead, they high-fived one another and congratulated each other on their great strategizing.

In their next breath, they are talking smack about each other. This entire season has been an exercise in pouting, whining, tantrumming and name-calling. These women wouldn't know strategy if it reached up and bit them in the ass.

Now, having said that all the women are idiots, there are some that are more idiotic than others. Kat, for one, makes my skin crawl. I'm so sick of her constantly apologizing for her age as a means to make excuses for herself. Yes, she is just 22 years old but I work with 22 year olds, who are alert, responsible, quick thinking and empathetic. Kat must have been raised in a cloistered convent because she doesn't seem to know anything about anything at all, least of all how to be a good person.

I was never so happy to see someone go, as I was Kat. Her reaction was priceless and, now I am sounding as petty as the women on the island, it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person. A blindside is never better than when it's perpetrated on someone who just moments earlier was reveling in the false confidence that they were “the one running the whole show!” Bye bye Kat… Go take a shower and put on your big girl panties. 

Alicia is another one that gives me the heebie jeebies! She is so crass and unpleasant; I shudder to think what must go on in her classroom where she is a special ed teacher! The banality that comes out of her mouth most of the time is so awful that I have to sometimes turn off the sound just so I don't hear her. Again, she believes she is the one running the show. Delusional much? She needs to go and I hope beyond hope that the next blindside has her name on it.

Have I said lately that I hate all of these people? Well, I do. If I had to pick a final three from this lot. I mean if someone held a machete to my head and made me do it – I would pick Kim, Chelsea and Sabrina. That's who I would want to see at the end at this point but with this lot, and all of the incredibly stupid things they've done, who knows what the end will be. And the truth is, in the words of Rhett Butler, “Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!”   

Jamie’s Prognosis: If there is one thing I have learned about my friend and Fellow Survivor Geek bloggist Paul Vagnoni, it is that he enjoys a good catfight. I had hoped that tonight’s developing “Kat fight” would supply him with some well-deserved birthday fun, and I have to say that the episode had its moments.

With all the skinny youngish chicks still surviving, the show has taken on kind of a bizarro jungle sorority atmosphere with Tarzan playing the creepy old delta nu house janitor. To start out the evening, the ladies were mighty happy that Troyzan was out.

The show brazenly jumped right into shameless product placement, courtesy tonight of Sprint, who supplied the video feed for the seasonal family reunion show. Is it just me or did the family reunion just go on and onnnn??? For a looonnnggggg ass time?????

Jeff Probst must be hoping for another Emmy nomination because he busted his ass trying to make the reunions overly touching and emotional. Christina’s dad was portrayed as being on his last legs due to a recent kidney transplant, but he looked pretty spry running out of the jungle. I was waiting for the slow motion replay but thankfully they didn’t go that gratuitous.

Tarzan has a funky, hippyish blond wife who, not surprisingly, forgot to pack her bra for her island adventure. I found myself admiring Chelsea’s attractive father, which then made me feel super old. I pondered aloud if Alicia’s sister was as big a beeeotch as her sister?

But then IT happened and all else paled in comparisons. Kat’s loved one was her cousin Robby. And when she saw him she dropped down on all fours and started crawling towards him. They hugged. They kissed! They live together! They are obviously closer than any of my cousins and me. Don’t ya’ll just love the south??

The reward challenge involved family pairs scampering through a rope maze. Kat and her cousin/husband easily sailed through to a victory. Somewhere a banjo was playin’…

Without putting any thought into it, Kat chose Kim and Alicia to come with her on her (more food) excursion because she wanted to get her drink on with her girls. The others, most notably Sabrina, were outraged! Clearly both Tarzan and Christina’s dad are on the verge of death and deserve to go drink margaritas with Kat more than bitchy Alicia and Amazonian Kim. Their time on earth is short!!

Kat is shallow? Gasp! Kat is selfish? You don’t say.

On to the immunity challenge, where contestants held onto a rope as they were slowly suspended into vertical position over the water.  The final two still hanging on after an hour were Kat and Kim, whose combined weight equals about 120 pounds. It should be no surprise that perfect Kim won, and Kat was pissed off because she wanted to win! She refused to high five Kim.

Kat is a sore loser?  Wha?????

Back at the jungle sorority there was an anti-Kat sentiment afoot, even though Kim seemed to want to save her for the end. So it boiled down to Kat versus Sabrina, whom the other women are now seeing as more of a threat as they get close to the end. They seem to have forgotten about poor old Dr. T.

A bunch of back and forth backstabbing ensued. Kat was clueless (huh?) to the fact that she was up for potential ouster. At Tribal Council she was all trash talkin’ “I love a blind side bring it on” swagger like… Until she saw her name coming up repeatedly on those little pieces of parchment paper.

One could easily read her mind… ”Well tie me to a pig and roll me in the mud I just got voted off!!”… Just like that the Kat fight was over. I guess Kat and her kissin’ cousin won’t be millionaires quite yet. Well… ever.

Let the banjo play on…

I’m still rooting officially for Kim but… wouldn’t it be a fun, crazy, karmic, quantum, smelly, wacky, American Medical Association supported surprise if hairy hipster Dr. Tarzan survived and won the whole thing????
The Booth's Bits: Alleluia! The dimwitted Kat has been dismissed and will no longer be around to annoy me next week. I’m reluctant to say this, but I chuckled when she started blubbering when Probst told her the tribe had spoken. How fitting was it that moments before they voted her cute little ass off she was giggling about how funny it is when someone gets blindsided.

You know what? Kat was right, a blindside is funny. Especially when it’s you Kat! You dunderhead! Ha ha ha ha!!!!

Season 24 has been somewhat of a snoozefest, a real yawner at times. But it did accomplish two things that I never thought possible. One was feeling a sense of euphoria when I saw another human being lying on the ground writhing in excruciating pain. The other was laughing when a young attractive female was sobbing uncontrollably.

I cannot say I that am ashamed with either one of these less than kind reactions on my part. That bigoted slimeball Colton had it coming in week six and Mensa candidate surely deserved it tonight.

I had another epiphany this evening. I finally realized why they have the “here are your loved ones” episode each season. It’s to create the illusion that some of these lying despicable cretins actually have some decent qualities. Some, not many.

They cry when they see their loved ones for the first time in a month and tell the world how much they love this person. For a brief moment I think, wow, they aren’t a miserable creep after all. Momentarily I feel compassion for them. Maybe they really aren’t that bad.

Then the “game” up again and I am reminded. Oh, yes they are!

I am reminded that Alicia is wicked, nasty and a bit delusional. Was she serious when she decided Kat should go because she tries too hard in challenges? Really? C’mon.

I am reminded that Tarzan is a demented 64-year old plastic surgeon that soiled his Speedos on national television. Plus, he used the phrase, “Quantum Entanglement” to describe his 30-year marriage.

It took very little to remind me that Kat is a petulant, immature brat. When she lost the Immunity Challenge to Kim, she was making the boo-boo lip because she didn’t like losing to someone 6 years older than her. Imagine her humiliation!

I am reminded that Christina, while very nice and genuine, is… How can I say this nicely? Well, I won’t mince words. She is STUPID! She acts as if she has never seen an episode of Survivor. Christina, you aren’t going to outplay or outlast anyone if you can’t outwit them first.

Even Kim has her faults. I am reminded that, while a very strong player, she has started to channel Martha Stewart when she speaks. She has the same hypnotizing monotone that is very subdued and at the same time, demanding and decisive. Maybe “it’s a good thing”, but it annoys me to tears.

I am hard pressed to find any faults with Chelsea. If I had to find a flaw, it’s that she thinks that Kim/Martha is her friend and loyal to her. I must admit that I was mildly amused when Kim/Martha totally played Chelsea while discussing strategy.

That leaves Sabrina. I am reminded that she has one MAJOR failing. She possesses that fatal combination of being honest and well spoken. People like Alicia and Kat don’t understand these qualities and Kim fears them. Sabrina is doomed. How dare she be both ethical and able to express herself intelligently!

With all that being said, tonight’s episode was pretty good. The only thing that would have made it very good was if one of the loved ones would have said, “Damn, you better get to the gym when you get back. You’re starting to get a gut on you.”

Until next time…from the booth.

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