Monday, May 14, 2012

Survivor 24.14

Mary Beth’s 2Cents on the Final Episode:

Well, that's it then. Season 24 of Survivor is finally over. I am a true Survivor Geek and I have watched every single season of this show since the very first season. That's why I can honestly say, with a sincere heart, that this season – Season 24 – has been the worst season ever. There was not one single person on this season that I had even the remotest interest in watching. Yet, because I am such a Survivor geek I would tune in every week with the same hope that someone would step up and grab my attention.

Sadly, no one did. So, okay… let's recap tonight's finale episode.

It's been abundantly clear for a while know that Kim was the front-runner and ringleader among the women. Others made claims about their great strategizing and made statements about how they were the one calling the shots but it was Kim and had been for weeks.

So, then there were five – Kim, Chelsea, Alicia, Christina, and Sabrina. Kim started scrambling a little trying to find her perfect plan for Final Three for a short time. They went into an Immunity Challenge which consisted of untying some knots, running along a balance beam maze and putting together yet another puzzle.

Alicia made a good show of it but indomitable Kim took the win. Alicia got the axe (ding dong the witch is dead!) and then there were four. Christina spent some time thanking her lucky stars for making it this far without really doing anything at all.

Next came the ubiquitous Torch Remembrance Walk. Now, normally I think this contrivance is over the top. I mean these people are together for just a little over a month and they start to reminisce about people as though they are long lost relatives. Still, in the past, I have appreciated this portion of the finale because, frankly, I forget those first poor suckers that get voted out before the jury starts up so it always helped me remember who they were.

This time, however, I didn't really care who they were so didn't want to remember! It seemed as though the ladies were struggling with the pretense at some points as well. They were heard to say things like, “Oh Jay… yeah, he was sweet… yeah… yeah… he was… sweet.” Then they'd move on to the next torch! And frankly, I could have done without that one last shot of Tarzan lounging around in his nasty bikini underpants! EW!

Final Immunity Challenge was a bowl-balancing thing that suddenly made Christina wake up and try to win it! She was neck and neck with Kim for a while. I started to sit up in my chair and cheer her on thinking this would be a game changing moment but, in the end, she fell back and Kim won a guaranteed spot in the Final Three.

I stopped trying to figure out what exactly Christina thought she was doing out there. She had no game from the start, yet seemed to think she was always playing “hard” and “making decisions for the group” and “playing a strategic game”. She was mostly just sitting there. Looking stupid!

Kim had to determine her best chance on who she should take to the final. At the end of the day, she stayed true to her original word and took Chelsea and Sabrina. So it was bye-bye Christina! So, to the Final Tribal Council, off went Sabrina, Chelsea and Kim – an all woman final that is something to be said for this season. But that's about the only good thing I can say about this season!  

The Booth’s Bits on the Final Tribal Council:

The Final Tribal Council was, as could be expected, less than stellar. Why not? The entire 24th season has left Survivor Geeks longing for more and this segment was no different. This truly disappointed me. Since Sue Hawk ripped Kelly Wigglesworth and Richard Hatch “a new one” twelve years ago in the first season, I have always looked forward to the Final Tribal Council.

Tonight there was no impassioned Sue Hawk tirade. Nothing even close.

Instead we got Jonas’ feeble attempt at comedy, which only confused Tarzan. Then he annoyed Chelsea by hitting on her. I don’t think Jonas is her “type”.

As bad as Jonas was, Christina, Jay and Mike were even more vacuous.

Christina continued to be uninspired. Jay, while mighty purty, had nothing to say. Mike did little more than timidly calling Kim stupid. Huh? At least he shaved that face beard before it reached his forehead.

Tarzan wasted more time by using a bunch of words that nobody understood, thanking God and crying. I am sure that this performance did little to convince Fellow Survivor Geek Jamie to reconsider going to him for a procedure.

Leif, Alicia and Troyzan continued the regrettable snoozefest.

Leif was offended that Kim even wrote his name down. He was lucky she even noticed he was on the island. Alicia declared herself one of the game’s kingpins and said little else. I really had hoped for more from her. I think she was drunk. The best thing Troyzan had was a poem – Uno, dos, adios. That was it. Honest.

The final juror to “interrogate” Kim, Chelsea and Sabrina was Krazy Kat, who announced that she was hurt by all three. She said Kim had destroyed her. Aww…

Then Kat “stunned” everyone by revealing that she had a secret. At age12 she had had two open-heart surgeries. She went on to say that she was told at that time, if she wanted to have children, she would need another open-heart surgery in twelve years.

With tears streaming down the face of everyone, Kat stared straight ahead, pointed at herself and said, “ Which means 22, baby! So I’ll be going again next year.” Huh? Doesn’t 12 plus 12 equal 24?

We knew from day one that Kat was a lunatic. Later, during week six, we learned that she didn’t know what appendicitis was. By the way, this was the same episode that she mentioned that she had dreamt “Alicia killed her at the mall”. Now we learn that, along with all of these idiosyncrasies, she is also mathematically challenged.

Mercifully, that was it for the Final Tribal Council. Before I turn things over to Jamie and her prognosis, I have to mention that Emmy award-winning host Jeff Probst summed up my feelings on this dreary season perfectly.

Before reading the votes for the final time, he proclaimed, “Let’s finish this season off!” Amen! You must have been reading my mind, Probst.

Jamie’s Prognosis of the Reunion Show:

As usual, the Reunion Show started with Jeff Probst doing the big morph from the real island to big city set. I think I said this before, but I miss his cheesy faux helicopter rides and dramatic entrances. Oh well.

Of course all the players were cleaned up with hair and makeup on, but did ya’ll notice something different this season? No, it wasn’t the fact that Prince showed up for the reunion show. Usually the contestants look different because they were deprived of food and sustenance and so they look fatter at the reunion show, but these contestants looked exactly the same because they were FED ALMOST EVERY DAY! It was like a Carnival Cruise out there with a daily buffet of good eats, but I digress.

The “final three” were Sabrina, Kim and Chelsea. After 39 days it was no surprise that Kim, who while beyond boring as a TV personality was an AWESOME competitor, won the whole thing. Yeah!!!  I was rooting for her. She really was the only person out there who deserved to win.

Okay, now that the obvious winner was out of the way, Jeff Probst dove right in to the million-dollar question, so to speak, asking the guys how they could have allowed this all female finale to happen? Mike tried to form some sort of an answer but the truth is he wasn’t a strong player and he basically doesn’t know how it happened himself.

The bottom line is that Kim was the absolute best player out there and she pretty much pulled the puppet strings all the way through, perhaps allotting her a place in Paul Vagnoni’s Hall of Fame (?).

The next order of business involved the calling out of Colton, who is the President and thus far only remaining member of the gay Republican’s club, for what was perceived as his mean spirited, racist, bigoted, obnoxious behavior.

He explained that he took on that persona because he figured his default, as a Southern Belle wouldn’t fly with the other dudes. Probst put Colton’s poor mom on the spot by asking for her input about his shameful behavior. Duh, as if any mom would be proud of her kid acting that way.

The poor woman had to apologize to America for her son’s behavior. As much as I dislike Colton, he did point out that when he left, the game got really boring and helllooooo, he is right about that. Probst also dropped a giant hint that perhaps Colton would play again??? …Good Lord spare us please!

Next Probst tried to have an intelligible conversation with Dr. Tarzan, but it was pretty hard to do. It would appear that the good doctor is retired at this point and I would just like to breathe a sigh of relief for anyone on the west coast who might be in need of plastic surgery.

Kat, it would seem, was sort of pretending to be a huge flake. Once she showered up and put makeup on she seemed more intelligent and less crazy, and it sounds like she doesn’t need heart surgery right now as she alluded to at the final Tribal Council. Whew!

So too was Alicia feeling remorseful about her behavior on the show, shedding some tears for the camera. It seemed a little fake. She must have caught hell for her less than admirable behavior once she went back to the world and tried to pick up where she left off as a special ed teacher.

Not surprisingly when Troyzan opened his mouth, he is an egotistical narcissist. Not much to like about him then or now. And Christina is truly vapid, but to her credit I think she knows it. She tried to spin the tale that her innocuous follower behavior was actually strategy.  Uhm I don’t think so.

Kim was anointed the winner of the fan favorite $100,000, no surprise.

And now for the REALLY big announcement!!  Season 25 will take place in the Philippines, where the environment is hopefully less 4-star Hilton and a little more Survivorish.

Mr. Probst ended the show by flashing his pretty boy smile at the camera and encouraging all of us to send in our 3 minute contestant video’s for consideration because he would love to snuff our torches. Me too, Jeff Probst, me too. 

What’s Next?

As Jamie stated, there will be a season 25 and it will be in the Philippines. It is scheduled to start sometime in September. Before that happens, there is a bit of unfinished business for season 24.

Stop back on Wednesday and I will announce the winners and the final standings for the Survivor contest that I ran. Until next time…from the booth.

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