Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Survivor 26.6

Here is the Official Bodacious Baldies Survivor: Caramoan Recap for week six:

After the excitement of last week's episode and the grand and strangely glorious demise of Brandon Hantz, I was hoping that tonight's show would have some follow through, some pop, if you will. What it had was a lot of chatter and not much matter. Of course, the initial blabber was about Brandon leaving as he did. Some of the comments were “he was a traitor” (Phil), “I never knew he hated me!” (Corinne), and “He wanted to go down in flames!” (Cochran).

The best line about Brandon came from Phil who said, “Even a Special Agent couldn't figure out what was in his head!” Corinne continued to be a little miffed that no one spoke up for her or Phil last week but, at the end of the day, the Faves decide to regroup – a move Special Agent Phil refers to as “Operation Thunderball”.

The surprise is on the Faves when they get to what should have been the Reward Challenge. Instead of a challenge there is more talk. Probst grills each tribe about their feelings about what happened last week. This leads Matt, from the Fans, to make a little speech about how he likes the Faves and felt really bad for Phil and Corinne.

Then Probst really surprises them. He gives them each an egg and tells them to break it over their heads or something and whatever color comes out – orange or purple – will be their new tribe. Lo and behold, the color gods are on Reynolds and Eddies sides because they end up on a tribe of young, strong hotties that also includes Sherri, Erik, my Malcolm and devious but strong-like-bull Brenda.

How can this be a bad thing? It almost seemed calculated that Mike, Matt, Corinne, Julia and Phil all end up on the other tribe. The eye candy factor alone is truly slanted not to mention the powerhouse factor! There is no challenge to be had this day. Instead, Probst gives them all more rice and new flint. God forbid anyone get hungry on this show anymore.

Back at camp, its all “Let the Politicking Begin!” and there's a whole lot more talking going on. Reynold immediately takes Erik aside to let him know that they were on the outside of the former “in” crowd and how he and Eddy would do anything they wanted them to in order to stay in the game. Erik has become a pretty savvy player and he wasn't really buying everything Reynold was selling.

Meanwhile, Sherri grabs the ladies and tells them all about how evil Reynold and Eddie are and how Reynold already had one idol and probably has another. My Malcolm is highly amused at how they all so quickly turned on one another. Over at the other camp, Phil the Pill is telling Julia that he is secretly running the world and he wants her on board. Then he turns around and tells Corinne he's been talking up the others to which Corinne asks aloud, “What kind of a Special Agent was he? He talks too much!”

They all talk too much. And they talked too much all night long. This is where my mind started wandering and I realized that Malcolm is getting far too little airtime this season. I might have to write a nasty letter to the producers about this. Now where was I…

Oh yes, finally it was time for the Immunity Challenge. In this challenge, two people had to run out to get a large crate and roll it back across the start line. Once all six crates were over the line, the teams had to build a staircase that spelled out “Fans vs. Favorites”. We've seen this challenge before. And honestly, the distribution of strength and stamina on this island is so one sided it was almost painful to watch as the new Gota tribe easily ran over the tired out folks of Bikal. Bikal was so tired out, they even sent old Phil back three times in a row to get the crates and he was barely standing upright when he finished.

Back at camp, Phil TALKED some more and gave them all a pep talk about how they all did their very best. Really? REALLY PHIL?? Because I saw everyone just give up. But they talked about it so that made it better. What??

Off to Tribal they go and there was more talking and more talking and then something weird happened. They voted off… MATT?? Where the hell did that come from?? In all the talking that went on throughout the entire show not once did I hear anyone talk about voting Matt off! He was surprised for sure! And, frankly, I felt like I got blindsided!! Maybe I was just lulled into such a stupor from all the incessant talking that I missed it. So strange!

Tonight’s episode started with the Bikal tribe breathing a heavy sigh of relief that Brandon was out of the game. Phil and Corrine moaned a little bit about nobody coming to their rescue when Brandon was going off on them, but it was no big deal. Then there was tree mail and everyone was soon assembled in front of award-winning host, Jeff Probst. He talked nice to both of the tribes and Matt sucked up to the Bikal tribe, particularly Phil. Everything seemed calm and pleasant.

Then it happened!

Probst shocked ‘em all with the old blindside switcheroo. Everyone dropped their buffs and smashed an egg on their head. Whatever color came out determined what tribe you were on. Purple meant Bikal, orange put you on Gota. Here are the new tribes:



My immediate reaction was that this new Bikal tribe might never win a challenge. Who did they have? Their male contingency is Phillip, who, although very entertaining, is certifiably crazy and about 60 years old. Cochran… well, he’s just Cochran. Matt is a hippy-dippy biker dude and Michael, who is a bit too flamboyant, are the other two guys.

The Bikal women aren’t much better. The only one worth anything is Corrine and she is snarky and vindictive. Julie is quite nondescript and Dawn is capable of breaking into tears at any moment. This group is hopeless! Like I said, this version of Bikal might never win a challenge.

The very first Immunity Challenge proved me right.

Alternating pairs from each team had to push six giant wooden boxes back to their area and pile them up to form giant steps that spelled out “Fans vs. Favorites”.

It wasn’t even close. Bikal tried to kill Phillip by making him go three times, two of those being back-to-back. It was so bad, Probst remarked, “Bikal appears to be on some sort of medication they are moving so slow.” He was right. Gota won going away.

After the challenge, there was the typical pre-Tribal Council posturing and jockeying going on at the Bikal camp. Cochran astutely determined that it would be either Matt or Julie going home. The only question being, which one would it be.

To be honest, Tribal Council wasn’t all that exciting. Just a bunch of talking and loads of overthinking. Matt continued kissing up to the Faves – Phillip, Corrine, Dawn and Cochran. When Probst asked Corrine what she thought of Michael, she declared with a big smile, “I have always liked to play with a gay!” Huh?

Then Cochran, always the thinker, said that Bikal had to stay united and work together because Gota was forming the “Bold and Beautiful” group and he didn’t see himself penetrating that bunch.

In the end, when Probst tallied the votes, Dawn received one, Julie had two and Matt got the other four and was the seventh person eliminated. I guess the lesson we learned tonight was that bootlicking and brown-nosing don’t always payoff.

Until next time…from the booth.

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