Sunday, March 3, 2013

The Return of the Sports Czar

He’s baaaack! That’s right, the mythological Sports Czar is making his triumphant return. Back in April of 2011, I did a 3-piece series where I declared that I wanted to be the Sports Czar. I wanted to control the four major sports in North America. I contracted and moved teams, and even made changes to the regular season schedules and the playoffs. Oh ya, I even altered some rules and procedures that I didn’t like. A lot of my moves weren’t so popular, but what did I care? I was the Sports Czar!

Recent events in sports have necessitated me reprising my role as the Sports Czar. The NHL was on strike. Again. Boneheads. The NBA, with its free agency system, is as predictable as a Harlem Globetrotters game. The NFL, under the guidance of Roger “I am God” Goodell, is being jammed down our throat 24/7 365 days a year. And MLB changes rules and alignments more often than some people change their underwear. Plus, everyone is doing performance-enhancing drugs.

With this rampant case of malaise enveloping sports, drastic changes have to made, and quick. And the Sports Czar is just the guy to do it.

Okay, maybe not that drastic.

In order to fix sports and make them more enjoyable, I looked back to a time when I had a greater love for sports. When things were simpler and less corrupt. Rather than attempting to lump all four sports in one era, I looked at each of the four sports on an individual basis.

Being a thorough and comprehensive Sports Czar isn’t easy.

Here is what I came up with, along with a short synopsis.

1975 Milwaukee Brewers
1975 MLB

National League

East Division
Chicago Cubs
Montreal Expos
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Pittsburgh Pirates
St. Louis Cardinals

West Division
Atlanta Braves
Cincinnati Reds
Houston Astros
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Diego Padres
San Francisco Giants

American League

East Division
Baltimore Orioles
Boston Red Sox
Cleveland Indians
Detroit Tigers
Milwaukee Brewers
New York Yankees

West Division
California Angels
Chicago White Sox
Kansas City Royals
Minnesota Twins
Oakland Athletics
Texas Rangers

There will be a 162 game season running from April to the end of September. Each division winner makes the playoffs. The NCLS and ACLS will both be best of seven series with winners meeting in the World Series. That too, will be a best of seven series. The only other change will be no designated hitters in either league.

1963 Green Bay Packers
1963 NFL

Cleveland Browns
Dallas Cowboys
New York Giants
Philadelphia Eagles
Pittsburgh Steelers
St. Louis Cardinals
Washington Redskins

Baltimore Colts
Chicago Bears
Detroit Lions
Green Bay Packers
Los Angeles Rams
Minnesota Vikings
San Francisco 49ers

There will be a 14 game season running from September to December. All games will be played on Sunday at either noon or 3:00pm CDT. That’s right, no Monday or Thursday night games. The two division winners will play in the Super Bowl on a Saturday night. The only other change will be no domed stadiums.

1970-71 Milwaukee Bucks
 1970-71 NBA

Eastern Conference

Atlantic Division
Boston Celtics
Buffalo Braves
New York Knicks
Philadelphia 76ers

Central Division
Atlanta Hawks
Baltimore Bullets
Cincinnati Royals
Cleveland Cavaliers

Western Conference

Midwest Division
Chicago Bulls
Detroit Pistons
Milwaukee Bucks
Phoenix Suns

Pacific Division
Los Angeles Lakers
Portland Trail Blazers
San Diego Rockets
San Francisco Warriors
Seattle SuperSonics

There will be a 82 game season running from October to March. Each division winner makes the playoffs and will play in a best of seven series. The Eastern and Western Conference winners will play for the NBA Championship, again in a best of seven series. The only other change will be a hard salary cap with absolutely no exceptions.

1967-68 Chicago Black Hawks
1967-68 NHL

East Division
Boston Bruins
Chicago Black Hawks
Detroit Red Wings
Montreal Canadiens
New York Rangers
Toronto Maple Leafs

West Division
Los Angeles Kings
Minnesota North Stars
Oakland Seals
Philadelphia Flyers
Pittsburgh Penguins
St. Louis Blues

There will be a 74 game season running from October to the March. The top two teams in each division winner will play a best of seven game series. The division winners will play a best of seven game series for Lord Stanley’s Cup. The only other change is any players fighting receive an automatic two game suspension.

Quite the draconian changes, huh? Remember, I am the Sports Czar and this is what I want. Sometimes, more isn’t always better. My philosophy is that quality is much more important than quantity. Sorry, Roger Goodell, I am Sport Czar. Even over your NFL.

Until next time…from the booth.

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