Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Survivor 26.3

Here is the Official Bodacious Baldies Survivor: Caramoan Recap for week three:

Two down. After Ally's untimely demise at last week's Tribal, Gota tribe returned to camp angry and upset. Shamar began screaming and yelling at Reynold for what he thought was a master plan to get him voted out. Shamar was losing control until Sherri stepped in to try to calm him down. For some reason, Sherri seems to have a handle on this hothead and he listens to her.

What Shamar doesn't seem to have a handle on is the “outwit” part of Survivor. He quickly starts questioning his ability to play the game at all because it involves lying! Now, this I love because it happens every season. People who watch this show know there are going to be lies told yet every season there's some chucklehead on the tribe that is taken aback that lies are told. Really?

Over at Bikal, things are going along swimmingly. So much so that weird Special Agent Phil gets the chance to do a little beachside exercise training video where he does bicep curls with conch shells and lifts a log over his head. He says it keeps him fit and young and then he teaches us that none of the others can play Survivor quite like he can and he likens it to “old school basketball” ala Larry Byrd. Yeah, I didn't make much sense to me either.

Corinne starts hanging around my Malcolm because no one else will really hang around her. They go off and start looking for the Hidden Immunity Idol. As usual, the idol was hidden in a place so remote and dark that it took them literally hours to find it. NO! It took them seconds. At this point the producers should just put a sign with an arrow stating, “Be sure to look in the tree!” because that's always where it is.

Who is hiding these things? Seriously! Why bother hiding the idol at all at this point. Just drop them from the sky and let them catch them as they fall. Ridiculous! Corinne better watch herself too. She started saying that she thought Malcolm was smart and referred to him, as “eye candy” and I will not have that!!

Cochran, meanwhile, was waxing lyrical on how great it was to play Survivor because being on Survivor was like watching it at 8pm on CBS every single day…except he's also in it. He also expressed that having some seriously scantily clad women walking around every day was a bonus for him because he never gets that in real life. Cochran, with his goofy sunburn (yet still the whitest man alive!), is starting to grow on me.

Andrea approaches Cochran because she is taking a page from season's past and remembers to “always be thinking”. She's decided to get in an alliance with him and Brandon Hantz. Brandon is all for it but then again paranoidally (it's a word…honest) cautious because he's been lied to before. He professes that he will reek havoc on the camp if he is lied to again by peeing in the rice and setting the camp on fire. In his words, he says, there will be “hell to pay”. Somehow, those words coming from a Hantz should sound more ominous but they're coming from teeny tiny Brandon so they kind of lose their affect.

Back at Gota, Shamar has stopped yelling but is now sulking. He says, “My happiness isn't worth a million” and starts to talk about quitting. He tells his story about how hard it's been to readjust to civilian life after two tours in Iraq and that he has had anger and alcohol issues but had gotten over that. He also says that all he does is try to be “uplifting” to people. I'm not sure I've seen the uplifting side.

Thing is, I want to be able to back Shamar and cheer him on. I think his military duties have been admirable and something to be honored. But I also think he's a major jerk. He's a loose cannon and a whiner and incredibly needy. His need for total attention is annoying and I wish he would go! In the end, he decides it would be “unloyal” of him to quit so he stays and everyone says a quiet “yay!” Everyone except Reynold who isn't buying the load of crap Shamar is selling.

At the Immunity/Reward Challenge, the teams have to swim out to a cage, untie it, drag a crate back to shore, hook pieces of a track together and push the crate to the end. If they win they Immunity and some comfort items – blankets, pillows, chairs, etc.

It's a pretty close race right from the start. Laura (who? She's on Gota) is a poor swimmer but not so bad to stand out really. Shamar gets into a scuffle about some swim goggles but it doesn't really stop the action. So neck and neck, the tribes duke it out to the end but the Faves take it and win when Brandon hooks the last piece of the track and they push their crate to victory. The Fans win something Jamie Burhani Cairo would love – a date with Jeff Probst! Hehehe…

Sherri (who? Again, at Gota...she's a bit of a player this one) masterminds a scheme to take out Hope (who?? I know...but these people are so non-descript!) She tells her alliance to split the vote between Eddy and Hope and somehow that will get Hope out. She tells Shamar to keep his trap shut and not say a word but he immediately turns around and tells Hope to save herself by voting for Eddy. Hope turns around and tells another Gota woman (I can't even remember this one's name!) who runs back to tell Sherri and the rest that Shamar blabbed.

So, as they go to Tribal it's all a mess and no one is really sure what's going to happen. At Tribal, Shamar tells Probst how misunderstood he is and how everyone lies about him all the time. Hope tells them how Shamar told her to save herself and Shamar calls her a big fat liar. He called Reynold a liar too even though he's not allowing Reynold to speak to him anymore.

The vote comes back with a three way tie because not only did Eddy and Hope gets votes, so did Shamar. So they revote…and finally it's Hope that's sent packing. Probst tells them they are dysfunctional but Sherri is sitting there with a smirk because she knows she is the Queen Bee of this island and no one else seems to realize how she's orchestrating everything right now. I'm keeping my eye on her!

Fellow Survivor Geek Auntie Janet was right – TOO MUCH TALKING! Each week, before I start writing my portion of the recap, I call up my Auntie Janet to get her take on went down in the episode that just ended. Invariably, at some point, she will say that there was too much talking and not enough action. And tonight she definitely spot on with that assessment.

There was absolutely no action of any kind for the first 27 minutes of the show. None whatsoever! It was right around 7:23 that I realized there would only be one challenge tonight. Ya, the dreaded Immunity/Reward Combo Challenge. I don’t know about the rest of the Fellow Survivor Geeks out there, but I always feel cheated when we only get one challenge.

Up until the Combo Challenge occurred, very little happened. Here’s my notes:

After last week’s Tribal Council, there is a whole bunch of Shamar drama at the Gota camp. Thankfully, Sherri fancies herself the Shamar Whisperer.

Over at Bikal, Corrine and Malcolm are pairing up. She digs him. They find a Hidden Immunity Idol. Mary Beth is right. Whoever is responsible for hiding those things should be fired.

Cochran said that being on Survivor is great because every day is Wednesday night on CBS. Then he added that all the women were basically walking around in their underwear and compared it to a “Freudian Picnic”.

Then Andrea talked to Brandon about wanting to eliminate Corrine. Then Brandon started talking all spastic and brought up pissing in the water and the rice and possibly burning the camp down. Ya, ya.


Honestly, that was the first 27 minutes of the hour. Talk about a snoozefest. I was greatly relieved when the Immunity/Reward Combo Challenge rolled around. The reward portion was two chairs, a couple of pillows, a blanket and a tarp.

The challenge itself was a good one. At least if we are only getting one challenge, they are making it fresh and original. This was also quite physical. It involved swimming, climbing, diving, dragging a giant chest and, finally, ring toss.

The Faves (Bikal) jumped out to any early lead because Laura from the Fans (Gota) couldn’t swim. Or lower herself to help drag the giant chest. Remarkably, when it got to the ring toss portion of the challenge, it was dead even. Pretty boys, Reynold and Eddie had their chances, but the Faves came out on top behind the tossing of Malcolm, Special Agent Phil and Brandon.

This meant that the Fans would have to send someone home. Award-winning host Jeff Probst did his usual ubiquitous job of instigating just enough arguing and backstabbing to make Tribal Council bearable. After the bickering and Shamar was done defending himself, they voted.

The first vote was three-way tie with three votes each for Shamar, Eddie and Hope. This necessitated a revote and this time Hope was voted off, leaving only Reynold and Eddie from the Pretty People Alliance.

All in all it was a pretty blasé hour with only 13 or 14 minutes of actual entertainment. Actually, there were a couple positives that I failed to mention. Try as I can, I don’t recall the insipid Erik’s name being mentioned once. Also, I think I have finally found my girlfriend for season 26 – Laura. While she is no RC and totally sucks at challenges, she is kind of cute and is starting to grow on me.

Until next time…from the booth.

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