Saturday, January 29, 2011

Some Magnificent Mullets

While looking for a graphic for my last blog, The Big Bad Dog, I couldn’t help but notice what a magnificent mullet the Dog possessed. That brought to mind another finely coifed head of hair, that of Shambo from Survivor: Samoa. That was all the inspiration that I needed to put together this blog.

In honor of the hairstyle in which the hair is cut short at the front and sides and left long in the back, here are my favorite mullets:

Honorable Mention: Randy “Big Unit” Johnson, Chuck Norris, John Stamos, Rod Stewart and Mario Lopez.

10. Michael Bolton. A singer-songwriter who is best known for his soft rock ballads, his lovely tenor vocals and his dulcet tones. Quite frankly, he just creeps me out. A lot.

9. Brian Bosworth. A much ballyhooed University of Oklahoma linebacker who played a total of 24 games in the NFL. He went onto an equally mediocre acting career, appearing in a handful of low budget titles.

8. Jaromir Jagr. A former NHL star that played for the Pittsburgh Penguins, Washington Capitols and New York Rangers. I have over 750 different sports cards of his. You want them? I’ll give you a great deal.

7. Richard Dean Anderson. An actor who came to fame on TV as MacGyver. The resourceful agent was always able to solve any complex problem with everyday materials that he had at hand, including his ever-present duct tape and Swiss Army knife.

6. Andre Agassi. A former professional tennis player who was once married to actress Brooke Shields. Fellow former tennis great Steffi Graf is his current wife.

5. Hulk Hogan. A professional wrestling icon that is personally responsible for creating “Hulkamania”. However, the more accurate term for the grappler's hairstyle would probably be the “skullet”.

4. Duane “Dog” Chapman. A bounty hunter and a former bail bondsman. When the A&E tough guy isn’t hunting down ne’er do wells, he’s busy making babies. The current total is twelve and counting.

3. Patrick Swayze. An actor whose finest role was in the classic movie, “Roadhouse”, where he portrayed professional "cooler" James Dalton. Whenever I happen to come across this movie while remote surfing, I can’t tune away.

2. Shannon “Shambo” Waters. A former marine who went on to fame on Survivor: Samoa. A dirty old rolled-up bandanna and sweaty sports bra complimented her incredible hairdo.

1. Carol Brady. A stay-at-home mother who is the wife of architect Mike Brady. Together, they are the proud parents of Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby and Cindy.

Although these are what I consider to be the top ten mullets, I did not rank them. Rather, I left that crucial responsibility to my friend Jamie. She promptly emailed me a well thought-out list when asked what order the mullets should be ranked.

She even provided reasons for her rankings.

She revealed that Carol Brady had inspired her since childhood. Not only for her magnificent mullet, but also because she was a stay-at-home mother with a maid/housekeeper.

Being a fellow Survivor geek, it came as no big surprise that she ranked Shambo so high. Throughout the nineteenth season of the award-winning reality, I was constantly being reminded how much she loved Shambo.

Patrick Swayze was ranked third “because he was hot with or without a mullet.” She put the Dog next based on the fact that he was a “badass Christian”. I told you that these rankings were well thought-out.

Her reasoning for Hulk Hogan being fifth was because he was nice to her when she had met him in person. Michael Bolton finished dead last because “he freaks her out in a bad way.” She won’t get any argument from me.

There you have it, my top ten magnificent mullets as ranked by friend Jamie. Feel free to tell me who was overlooked. I know that I probably left out someone’s favorite. Oh, well. Until next time…from the booth.


Leplume said...

Uh oh, hate to break it to you, but Carol Brady was in the pre-mullet days. She sported what was then known as "the shag" hair cut. The mullet, as we know it now and love it, was not invented until later - in the 80s. Yes, they look similar but they're not the same so you have to cut Carol Brady aka Florence Henderson some slack on this one! :)

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

What do you mean cut her some slack? Are you trying to say that there is something wrong with the mullet? LOL

Anonymous said...

I hate to contrdict Leplume, but the mullet, (and I do include Carol Brady's haircut) a rose by any other name would smell the same, is as old as the dirt under my pinky toe nail. Back in the 50's, it was called "the kid needs a haircut". Seen alot of them in my day. Now that the hair grows only on the back half of my head, thinkin' of growin' another one.

Paul E. Vagnoni said...

Anonymous, you're cracking me up! Why didn't you sign your name so I know who you are? Too funny. LOL