Welcome To Wisconsin!

Someone needs to make sure that representatives from the Lake Geneva Visitors Bureau, the Kenosha Area Convention & Visitors Bureau, the Wisconsin Department of Tourism and the Wisconsin Chamber of Commerce read this blog. By doing so, they will become aware of the best advertising tool they could ever dream of. Seriously, this blog will bring to their attention the greatest destination-marketing implement they could ever hope for. Want to know what it is? I won’t make you wait.

It’s my friend Michael Chagdes from Lake Geneva.

You are probably asking yourself why some guy from Lake Geneva would be some a marketing boon for drawing people to America’s Dairyland. Let me explain by starting with a quick background of Michael Chagdes.

Michael hasn’t always lived in Lake Geneva, or Illinois for that matter. Up until last year he and had resided in Illinois all of his life, the last eight in the western suburb of Lisle.

He and his wife Rose, run Wacker Hardware Company located in Chicago on West Jackson Blvd. Michael is the President/CEO and Rose is the Vice President of this highly successful company that has been in business since 1936.

Wacker Hardware is the Midwest source for security hardware, locksmith supplies, and master keying specialties. The company not only serves locksmiths but also, hardware stores, industrial supply houses, building contractors, and many other types of businesses.

Michael is much more than an accomplished businessman. Although he is a self-proclaimed curmudgeon, he is also funny and a very straightforward kind of guy. What you see is what you get with Michael Chagdes.

I first met Michael and Rose on facebook a couple of years ago. I finally met them in person when they came to Sister Act Painting and Creative Treasures for my book singing this past July. You couldn’t ask to meet two more charming people.

Okay, now that you know a little a bit about Chagdes, chances are you are still wondering why he should be the Spokesman for the state of Wisconsin. Maybe these two quotes will help you see why:

“I’m 60 and have been in Illinois for 59 years and Wisconsin for 1 year. I have met more nice people up here in 12 months than in the previous state in almost 6 decades. Just sayin’…”

“I’d say it's a great day to live in Wisconsin, but then again, EVERY day up here is great!”

Both of those remarks were made on facebook when talking about how he liked living in Wisconsin. Most of the people he was talking with were from the Land of Lincoln.

Wait, it gets better. Not only has his residence changed in the last year, also has his sport allegiances. Oh, yes.

According to Rose, Michael has been a Cubs fan since he was 5 years old! After last season he had enough and decided to be a total Brewers fan. He has already bought hats and will assuredly be acquiring more Brewer items, as the season gets closer.

Not only has he converted to the Brewers, he is also a Packer fan. I bet you think he was a Bear fan, right? Wrong.

Recently, some of Michael’s Bear fan friends were giving him a hard time on facebook for cheering on the Green and Gold during their Super Bowl run. He responded with, “No “flipping” here. I have NEVER been a Bears fan and I most assuredly never will be.”

He went on to say, “I’ve been a Dallas Cowboys fan since 1967. I jumped on the Packers bandwagon this year mainly because it annoys so many Bears fans. But I really do admire the organization and my neighbors are happier when they win.”

There you have, Lake Geneva, Kenosha and Wisconsin Visitor Bureaus, a former Illinoisan who has nothing but wonderful things to say about our great state. He is a successful businessman, loves the Packers and the Brewers and genuinely cares about his neighbors. Michael Chagdes would be the ideal marketing tool, so feel free to use him and his wonderful quotes.

Until next time…from the booth.

Gangsta Names

You can blame this blog on my friend Michael Chagdes. This is his entire fault, it really is. The other day he put a link to the Gangsta Name Generator. Yes that’s right, the Gangsta Name Generator. You simply type in a name and a Gangsta Name is miraculously generated for you. Honest. I’m not making this up. Actually, the thing is pretty cool.

Before I go any further, I should provide a couple definitions of “Gangsta” from the Urban Dictionary. That way everyone will be on the same page. Here are two of the better ones:

1. A sociopathic member of the inner-city underclass, known primarily for being antisocial and uneducated. Also known for ready access to illegal drugs and weapons, and staggeringly poor marksmanship.

2. One who willfully promotes and participates in destructive and self-serving culture in an effort to project a particular image of 'toughness' or to make oneself intimidating. Willingness to blatantly and horrifically misuse English is a necessity, as is a low IQ and sub-par education (or at least the appearance thereof).

Now that you know what a Gangsta is and how I discovered the Gangsta Name Generator, I would like to share some of the Gangsta names that I came up with for family and friends that follow this blog.

Gangsta Names

Sue Symes – Secret Ass Grabba
Beryl Cooper – Slippin Gorilla
Debbie Lammas – Fat Ugly Drug Smuggla
Mary Beth Lindqvist – Ribbed Shrinky Nutz
Julie Schuler – Heavy Buddha Balls
Jamie Cairo – Dances with Gatmasta
Pat Hegewald – Mista Biyatch Ass
Gary Schneeberger – Rank Dirty Chinaman
Greg Turco – Sherman Tank Guatemalan
Sharon Chilson – Slimy Shrinky Nutz
Judi Cornfoot – Rubba-Lipped Dung Beetle
Sharon Buege – Supa-Sprung Mule Robba
Karen Norris – Secret Canadian
Karen Rorek – Broken Rot Sloth
John Schwarz – Janky Bastard
Michael Chagdes – Chewy tha Guatemalan
Rose Chagdes – Slippin Pimp
Patty McGuire Moran Kilkenny – Drunken German Fool
Peter Pham – Janky Jimmy Jamma
Maureen Cox – Slippin Biyaaatch
Gus Cox – Threepac Prison Fish
Joe Vagnoni – Slippin Crab Whacka
Nancy Vagnoni – Tree Trunk Rat Snatcher
Janet Vagnoni – Rank Dirty Scratchy Nutz
John Vagnoni – Cold Canadian
Ann Vagnoni – Dirty Red Snappa
Susan Murphy – Heavy Buddha Balls
Milly Vagnoni – Off Da Hook Pud
Paul Vagnoni – Supa-Sprung Skull Cruncha

My apologies go out to those of you who received the more “colorful” names, but it’s not my fault. The Gangsta Name Generator came up with them. And, for some unknown reason, Julie and Susan get the same lovely name.

If you don’t believe me about these names, see for yourself. Click on Gangsta Name Generator and check it out.

On this site you can also generate Pirate, Mexican Wrestler, Pet, Taxi Drive and Mafia names as well. Being of Italian descent, I decided to run the same list and see what the Mafia names would be. I just had to.

Mafia Names

Sue Symes – Sabina Monkeyface
Beryl Cooper – Lucia Monkeyface
Debbie Lammas – Nina Costa
Mary Beth Lindqvist – Clarice De Luca
Julie Schuler – Silvia Greco
Jamie Cairo – Big Ass Alice De Luca
Pat Hegewald – No Brainer Jake
Gary Schneeberger – Fabiano The Snitch
Greg Turco – Giorgio Brassi
Sharon Chilson – Gina The Snack
Judi Cornfoot – Razor Blade Lana
Sharon Buege – Bad Breath Marta
Karen Norris – Epileptic Sara Barrow
Karen Rorek – Sandra Soprano
John Schwarz – Alfredo The Crank
Michael Chagdes – Decrepit Valentino Delucci
Rose Chagdes – Alley Cat Luisa
Patty McGuire Moran Kilkenny – Sabina Costa
Peter Pham – Chicken Fried Bruno
Maureen Cox – Luisa The Killer
Gus Cox – Salvatore Milano
Joe Vagnoni – Dapper Fabiano Delucci
Nancy Vagnoni – Busted Kneecaps Melissa
Janet Vagnoni – Green Luisa Rizzo
John Vagnoni – Angelo Barrow
Ann Vagnoni – Green Sheila Giamatti
Susan Murphy – Silvia Greco
Milly Vagnoni – Ruth Bruno
Paul Vagnoni – Decrepit Fabrizio Costa

Some of these Mafia names are worse than their Gangsta counterparts. I especially apologize to Jamie. Well enough names for now. Go to Gangsta Name Generator and have some fun. I’m going to listen to Nick Digilio and watch Roadhouse now.

Until next time…from the booth.

Local Shows

Today, as promised in yesterday’s blog, “K-Town TV Changes”, I will be elaborating on the local programs being shown on channel 73. Currently, there are ten such shows in the lineup, with more to be added when the weekend schedule is revealed. For now, here is a bit more on the weekday local shows.

Light ‘em Lenny will feature the bombastic radio host from WLIP, Lenny Palmer. He will provide commentary on local political issues and take your live calls. Parental guidance is suggested for this program.

Curmudgeon Corner’s cantankerous host Michael Chagdes will provide his unique opinion on a myriad of topics. The grouchy local guarantees that your life will be better for having watched his show. Parental guidance is also suggested for this program.

Shakin’ Up Kenosha with Dennis Shook was previously seen on the Kenosha Community Media access channel. This program will focus on a variety of issues in the community. Having appeared on this show, I can attest to its fine quality.

Bundy’s Big Bang will be a music show hosted by Joey Vagnoni. Local bands will be featured with the host also performing. Lots of guitars!

Local sports savant, Pat Hegewald, will host Kenosha Sports Talk. Hegewald offers his analysis on fantasy sports, the local sports scene and a wide range of subjects outside the world of sports.

Yours truly will host K-Town Classics. This program will present clips from TV shows that I enjoyed from days gone by. And yes, due to the enormous amount of requests, The Ray Rayner and Garfield Goose will be featured on a regular basis.

Survivor: Simmons Island will be Kenosha’s version of the popular reality show. Host Mary Beth Lindqvist will guide two tribes of local hopefuls on Simmons Island as they attempt to outwit, outplay and outlast in an effort to become the Sole Survivor.

Watch out Dr. Oz! What Does Dr. J Say? will be Kenosha’s answer to the popular medical advice show. Host Dr. Jamie Burhani Cairo promises to show Dr. Mehmet Oz a thing or two.

Tasting Kenosha will be a blend of all of Gordon Ramsay’s popular shows. Elements of Hell’s Kitchen, The F Word, Kitchen Nightmares and MasterChef will be combined Kenosha style. It was a major coup for K-Town TV to acquire the services of the iconic chef.

The last local program of the day is appropriately called Local and Live! Jim Selovich will host the variety/talk show, with a co-host that has yet to be named. A weekly feature will be the “Kenosha Got Talent segment”. Already named to judge this competition is Sharon Ekern and Patty McGuire Moran Kilkenny. I am still looking for the third judge, preferably of the male persuasion.

That completes today’s K-Town update. If you would like to be considered for the third judge of KGT or you have a suggestion, please leave a comment. My email is vag57@wi.rr.com if you want to get in touch with me that way. Also, if you would like to be notified when a new blog is posted, use the same email address.

Until next time…from the booth.

K-Town TV

As many of you know, Oprah Winfrey has recently launched her own network. It is called OWN – Oprah Winfrey Network. A tad pretentious? Perhaps, but when you are worth 2.4 billion dollars, you can call your network anything you want. Having your own network would be outstanding, wouldn’t it? So outstanding that I have decided to create my own network.

Since I am not worth quite as much Oprah, my network will be called K-Town TV and will be based in Kenosha. The local shows will be done at my Luap Studios located in lovely downtown Kenosha. If you are clever, you will figure out the studio name.

Here is the logo and the Monday thru Friday Schedule:


Midnight – 2 episodes of Seinfeld

1:00 am – 2 episodes of Cheers

2:00 am – 2 episodes of News Radio

3:00 am – 2 episodes of The Bob Newhart Show

4:00 am – 2 episodes of Wings

5:00 am – Barney Miller

5:30 am – The Dick Van Dyke Show

6:00 am – Leave It To Beaver

6:30 am – The Andy Griffith Show

7:00 am – TMJ4 Live at Daybreak – Kim, Vitrano, Gotter and Vitrano

8:00 am – The Newlywed Game

8:30 am – The Match Game

9:00 am – Light ‘em Lenny w/Lenny Palmer

10:00 am – Curmudgeon Corner w/Michael Chagdes

11:00 am – Shakin’ Up Kenosha w/Dennis Shook

Noon – Bundy’s Big Bang w/Joey Vagnoni

1:00 pm – Kenosha Sports Talk w/Pat Hegewald

2:00 pm – K-Town Classics w/Paul Vagnoni

3:00 pm – Survivor: Simmons Island w/Mary Beth Lindqvist

4:00 pm – What Does Dr. J Say? w/Jamie Cairo

5:00 pm – Tasting Kenosha w/Gordon Ramsay

6:00 pm – TMJ4 Live – Pathieu, McCrady, Fish and Needles

6:30 pm – UK News – “Taylored” for America

7:00 pm – Northern Exposure

8:00 pm – The Sopranos

9:00 pm – The Wire

10:00 pm – TMJ4 Live – Pathieu, McCrady, Fish and Needles

10:30 pm – Local and Live! w/Jim Selovich

I think it will be a great weekday lineup. Without going into great detail, the weekend schedule would consist of my favorite game shows, sitcoms and a mini-marathon from 5:00 pm to 10:00 pm. Marathons would include: The Three Stooges, World’s Strongest Man, King Of The Hill, Whose Line Is It Anyway? (BBC), Survivor and Hell’s Kitchen to name a few.

There you have it. Pretty impressive, huh? I will give you a while to absorb the concept. Feel free to send me comments and suggestions, as this lineup can be tweaked. Over the next few days I will elaborate on some of the “local” shows. So be sure to check back often!

Until next time…from the booth.

Gift Giving Time

Having always enjoyed giving gifts, it should come as no surprise that my Christmas shopping is complete. All that is left is a little bit of wrapping. The thing is, I still have the desire to make someone smile with a thoughtful present. What can I do?

Every now and then I wonder what kind of gifts I would give if money was no object, if I was Donald Trump or Oprah Winfrey rich. So, in the spirit of this glorious holiday season, I have decided to distribute some “money is no object” gifts. Not only will I give gifts to friends and family, but also to a few “celebrities”.


“Celebrities”

To Chef Gordon Ramsay, I give a lifetime supply of Ambien® and Rolaids. I would hate to see this man develop an aneurism during an taping of Hell’s Kitchen. He probably already has an ulcer.

To TMJ4’s Scott Steele, I give a role in a low-budget Broadway play. I truly that he would better suited in this endeavor than with his current attempts at entertaining the masses while masquerading as a weatherman.

To Prince Fielder, I give an epiphany that causes him to realize that agent Scott Boras is an evil jackal. This will cause him to fire Boras and sign a long-term contract with the Milwaukee Brewers at a hometown discount.

To Russell Hantz, I give a gift certificate good for a spot on season 22 of the hit reality show Survivor. If necessary, the gift certificate could also be redeemed for season 23. Or season 24. Or season 25…

To certain members of Kenosha’s City Common Council, I give a clue. They definitely are in need of one. Sometimes it seems as if they are on a reality show.

Friends

To Jamie, I give 4 front row tickets to the Bon Jovi concert of her choice. The only caveat is that she will be required to use the limo service that will also be provided. There will be no running to catch a cab.

To Pat, I give a two-hour weekday sports talk show on the radio station of his choosing. He will also be able to determine what time of day the show will be aired.

To Jim, I give a starring role in a Hollywood blockbuster hit. The popularity of this movie will lead to regular appearances on all of the late night talk shows. Except Leno’s. He sucks. A lot.

To Mary Kay and Penny, I give them both an equal piece of Pee Wee Herman’s infamous wiener. Don’t even ask.

To Sharon B., I give a store full of customers, enough to cause her to expand store hours and hire more staff. A significant portion of her new wealth of customers will be made up of family and friends.

To Sharon C., I give the position of Quality Director of the soon to be announced sixth season of HBO’s hit show, The Wire. This will allow her to take an extended leave of absence from the business she currently operates.

To Mike, I give an established publisher and talented author to help write his memoirs. “The Life and Times of an Ornery Curmudgeon” is guaranteed to be on the best sellers list for years to come.

To Julie, I give the time and resources necessary to showcase her outstanding talents. All I ask is that when she becomes famous the world over, she doesn’t forget all the little people.

To Mary Beth, I give unlimited round trip airfare to Sweden, available for her to use whenever the spirit moves her.

To Peter, I give an endless supply of Home Run Inn pizza. This will ensure he never has to eat another Tombstone pizza, no matter how much it would amuse his family.

To Leon, I give any job that he wants. No matter what job he chooses or how many hours he works, it will always provide him with exactly what he needs. He deserves this.

To all my friends that are Cub Fans, I give an ownership and management team that understands what it takes to finally put together a championship organization. Although I can’t stand the thought of the Cubs winning, enough is enough.

British Friends

To David, I give one years worth of vouchers good at any restaurant in England. Not only will this keep him well fed, but it will also save his sisters from having to hear him moan about having beans on toast for dinner all the time.

To Christine, I give a nice, cushy job where she will never be cold again. It will always be warm in the wintertime.

To Margaret, I give a tutor to provide humming lessons. Hopefully this will help her to win the humming game at Christmas time.

To Sue, I give her several invitations to events where her notorious see-through tops won’t cause a scandal. They might even be considered appropriate.

To Debbie, I give a personal chauffer to help transport her rambunctious son Jake to all of his sporting events. This includes, but is not limited to: football, rugby, judo and swimming.

To Bev, I give unlimited Internet access and the ability to see her grandson James whenever she wants to. Also included is a lot of tissues, because I know that she will be doing a lot of crying.

Family

I almost started to list gifts on an individual basis for my family members before realizing that would be silly. We have so much already.

Brother Mike and his wife Amy finally have their two adorable sons. Sister Teri and her husband Mike not only have a couple of great kids, but a pair of wonderful grandchildren. Brother Joey has another brand new hip and his wife Nancy has a blossoming career as a hair stylist and nail tech.

And we all have the greatest Mom anyone could ask for. She has been blessed with four children, four grandchildren and two great grandchildren who all love her dearly.

We are all so fortunate to a part of the wonderful Vagnoni family. Uncle John and Auntie Janet, Uncle Joe and Auntie Joanne and Uncle David and Aunt Bonnie have provided the Vagnoni clan with nine cousins to go along with me and my two brothers and sister.

Yes, as the magnificent Vagnoni family continues to expand, I am aware that we need no gifts. With Grandpa and Grandma ‘Noni, Aunt Bay, cousin John Dean and now my Dad looking down on us, we have the greatest gift there is. We have each other.

Please enjoy your gifts. I am. Until next time…from the booth.